


Gunpowder and Cinnamon

by januarys, PetitAvocat



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Bakery, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-14 17:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/839304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/januarys/pseuds/januarys, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetitAvocat/pseuds/PetitAvocat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. In which Kaidan owns a bakery, falls in love with Shepard, and bakes the best steak pie in Vancouver. Not necessarily in that order. <i>Three hours, two sudden downpours, and one missed bus after Shepard set out, he conceded to himself that he was well and truly lost. Although, admittedly, Garrus’s directions could have been better.</i></p>
<p>Now with <a href="http://papardelle.tumblr.com/post/53110875235">art</a> by <a href="http://papardelle.tumblr.com">papardelle</a>!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Shepard

Three hours, two sudden downpours, and one missed bus after Shepard set out, he conceded to himself that he was well and truly lost.

Although, admittedly, Garrus’s directions could have been better.

He squinted at his pocket map of Vancouver, fairly certain that the last few streets he’d been on weren’t even supposed to exist, and then sank down onto a nearby bench in defeat.  It was wet.  Of course.  He hung his head, not even bothering to stand, and considered his options.

He could call Garrus, sure, but that would be admitting he’d been bested, and anyway he was pretty sure Garrus was out with that girl he’d been making googly-eyes at last night and wouldn’t want to be disturbed.

He could try to catch another bus somewhere – he glanced up and down the street skeptically – if he could even find a bus stop…

But he was really hungry.  And really craving a steak pie.  And Garrus had said that this place, this bakery, had the best steak pies in the city, swearing up and down that it was worth the hunt to find it.  He’d then proceeded to draw Shepard an extremely complicated set of directions with circles and arrows and lines and a paragraph written in very cramped handwriting detailing _exactly_ how to get there, and assured Shepard that it would be no problem at all.

Given the usefulness of those instructions, Shepard was rethinking his friend’s ability to find his own feet in the morning.

He sighed, stomach growling; by the looks of it he was at least in the right neighborhood, but it was getting late and he wasn’t convinced that the place would still be open even if he did find it.  Okay, so the most likely direction for a bus stop was… left?  He nodded to himself.  Left sounded good.

It became readily apparent, six blocks later, that left was probably not the correct choice.  This was distinctly not his idea of a pleasant way to spend his undoubtedly limited shore leave, and he promised himself he would tell Garrus as much when ( _and if_ , he thought morosely) he got back from his little adventure.  In the meantime…

…in the meantime… _what_ was that smell?

For half a second, Shepard thought he was so hungry he was hallucinating, his poor delusional mind fabricating delicious aromas just to tease him.  But he took a few more steps and _no_ , it was definitely there.

Steak pies.

He broke into a jog, newly energized, and nearly passed the place in his enthusiasm – a small, unassuming storefront, with the word “BAKERY” above the entrance in simple black lettering.  It looked inviting, warm light spilling onto the twilit street, and by the smells wafting out to him, Shepard was pretty sure he’d found heaven.

He pulled open the door, gentle tinkling of a bell greeting him, and entered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jo and I are proud to present: THE BAKERY AU! Because every fandom needs one, right?
> 
> This was actually the brainchild of myself thinking that 'oh, Shep and Kaidan need something happy and warm' and Jo simply SWOOPING in all 'I completely agree let's write it', and the rest is history. The best part about collaborating with her was all the ideas being thrown back and forth, and we agreed on EVERYTHING which was awesome in its own right. Also because I've made a lifelong friend out of this whole endeavour and I want to keep her forever.
> 
> Quick tidbits: Jo wrote all of Shepard's chapters, and I, Francine, wrote all of Kaidan's chapters. Mind you, Jo's chapters are absolutely phenomenal and I often sat there for a moment after reading them all, 'hhhhhhhhhh' so if that's any indication as to how great this AU will be, then you're all in luck. There will also be SMUT. Delicious smut. We're all going to agree that Jo is the Queen of Smut. Yes, good.
> 
> So everyone, here is the Shepard&Kaidan bakery AU! We all hope that you love reading it, as much as we loved writing it :) - Francine (januarys)
> 
> *
> 
> Jo here, just chiming in to say that Francine's chapters are perfect okay, and it was such an absolute delight to get to collaborate with her on this project.
> 
> She said most of the important stuff so I'm not going to blather on too much, except to say the plan at this point is to post a chapter a day, so we can keep you in a *little* suspense ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!  
> Much love - Jo (PetitAvocat)


	2. Kalamata Olive Macarons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley suggests a strange addition to the bakery menu, while Shepard makes suggestive noises. What? Kaidan's steak pie is pretty damn amazing. _“Shepard was looking at you from the second you walked through the door Kaidan, and honestly? He looked like he'd rather be eating _you_ than the damn pie!”_

“Okay, how about… kalamata olive?”

“Veto.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“We’re not putting _kalamata olive_ flavoured macarons on the menu. I want people to come in, not question my sanity.”

“But that’s just what will bring the customers in Boss, it’s different! Besides, it’s _candied_ kalamata olive.”

“With all due respect Ash, this is not a quirky little bakery on the cooking channel that makes icing out of the blood of virgins. We are a _traditional_ bakery on the outskirts of Vancouver that bakes _traditional_ things, okay?”

“So in others words, ‘ _kiss my ass we’re not doing it’_?”

“ _Ashley.”_

 _“_ Fine, you’ve made your point… what about chocolate and salted pretzel cupcakes?”

Times like this often left Kaidan wondering why he had hired Ashley in the first place. Not that he had anything against her; she had been his best friend ever since they were paired in their patisserie course—

“ _You really fucking suck at making ganache.”_

_“Uh… Excuse me?”_

_“Did I stutter?_ I said _, you really—“_

_“I heard you! Christ, why would you say something like that?”_

_“…Because you really fucking suck at making ganache.”_

—then she had taken over Kaidan’s work station, made a ganache that didn’t _suck_ and well, the rest is history.

Besides, her range of petit’ fours were one reason that his customers came through the door, _and_ she knew how to talk to people. Kaidan took advantage of that as it was a skill he desperately lacked. Hell, his shop was aesthetically pleasing from the mere fact that her pastries, glossy, colourful, and mouth-watering as they sat innocently on top of brightly coloured paper wrappers, dominated the displays that were visible from the moment someone looked through the window.

Her eccentric ideas, however, were _not_ as pleasing. Like that time she thought that frilly chiffon curtains in an _offending_ shade of pink would liven up the bakery. He lost half of his customers that week, and Liara had threatened to search elsewhere for her blueberry strudel.

 _Kalamata olive macarons_ — God, seriously?

She frowned at him. “Now you’re asking yourself why you hired me again, aren’t you? Oh Kaidan, I’m _hurt_. After all we’ve been through too!”

Kaidan failed to hold back the grin that was threatening to burst forward on his face. She winked at him from her perch at the sink, folding her arms across her chest.

“ _Kaidan_? That’s ‘ _Mister Alenko’_ to you, Williams.” He said, raising an eyebrow.

Ashley snorted. “Yeah, I prefer ‘Boss’. _Mister Alenko_ makes you sound like your dad—“

Kaidan fell quiet, losing himself into the scent of the golden brown pies that sat innocently in the oven; warm and whole and familiar. He almost missed the groan from Ashley.

“Fuck. Okay. Worst friend ever. Shit, I’m sorry, Kaidan.”

The deep flavour of pastry and spiced meat danced on his tongue and for that moment there was only the sound of the oven by his side, the shift of material as Ashley fidgeted where she stood, and the warmth that the sight of the golden pies provided.

Kaidan let out a breath, turning to Ashley with a reassuring smile on his lips. “No harm done. Now, go sell these pies to some hungry customers.”

Ashley’s eyes were flashing with guilt as she fumbled with the oven mitts tied to her apron. “Yeah… with this weather Boss, not even _Joker_ would haul his ass down the street.”

Kaidan gave her a Look which she tried to recuperate. Before long, she threw her mitted hands into air in an act of mock-defence and walked over to the oven.

“Fine, fine… _slave driver_.”

Nudging his shoulder gently as she removed the pies from the oven, Kaidan caught her gaze and saw that familiar apologetic smile cross her lips. _Shit_ , he didn’t have the heart to look away from _that._ It was communicating everything she wanted to say, from an apology to camaraderie, and the thing about Ashley was that no one, not even Kaidan, could stay angry at her for long.

Ever.

Ashley had kept his sanity in check for as long as he could remember. Kaidan wasn’t going to let a slip of the tongue screw things over. Besides, she was fantastic at what she did. He’ll be _damned_ if he let her slip through his fingers to a second rate baker.

Like Jack Harper. Seriously, _fuck_ that elusive guy.

Ashley deftly organised the steaming pies onto a rack, before she headed out to the shop front. The low bun on the nape of neck bounced comically with each step she took and the scent of steak pie followed her out of the room.

Kaidan slumped in his position and ran a hand through his hair. He was overreacting, obviously, but some things couldn’t be helped.

It was natural for him to close up at sensitive topics, it’s who he was. His father was, unfortunately, one of those topics. It’s not as though his father was against the idea of his only son holding the business permit to a small bakery in Vancouver, it was—

Actually that’s exactly what it was.

His father had different ambitions for him, voicing them often throughout his adolescence. For Kaidan, there was even a time when a pen hovered over the enlistment forms, his life to be signed over to the very military that his father had once sworn himself over to.

Kaidan knew that it was a big opportunity to do some good in the world, add some light to darkened places. _God_ , did he know that. Yet when that pen touched the paper, a dark ink blot to be lost among the sea of text, he could see his future flash between the lines.

It was unfulfilling. Full of adventure and _yes_ , the opportunity to do good… but it was empty. It wasn’t what Kaidan was looking for, the furthest thing from it.

There was an argument. Oh, with a _lot_ of screaming, a few tears, and all the fun things that an argument would entail. However as Kaidan walked away that day, the emptiness that took the form of crumpled forms on his living room floor suddenly began to fill.

It was a pretty good feeling.

So in the dawn of his adult years, Kaidan decided to use that feeling in the form of countless hours as an apprentice to a well decorated pastry chef. The years of perfecting croustade and the ability to recognise the precise pressure point of macaron feet paid off in the end, and all the delicate sweets and treats made his job a little more exciting.

After all, he had _really_ good hands.

There was nothing better than assembling a traditional steak pie though. Hearty and golden and full of goodness, as a good ol’ homemade Canadian steak pie should be. Not that there was such thing, but after Kaidan burst onto the scene, well, _everyone_ wanted to have a steak pie in their belly.

Damn it, he couldn’t see why his father was so _blind_. Kaidan had done something, was _still_ doing something that made him happy, and while it’s different to what others would define as happiness, it’s _his_ choice.

He couldn’t put what he felt about his line of work into words. There was something about watching something come to life beneath his hands, how pastry puffs golden brown inside of a hot oven, when the sticky dough rises like the sun when it was as rank as a puddle of mud barely hours before.

It…

It made him feel a little more human, every day.

([art](http://papardelle.tumblr.com/post/53110875235) by [papardelle](http://papardelle.tumblr.com/)!)

*

Kaidan was broken from his thoughts at the chime of the bell at the front entrance, for which he was grateful. There were some memories that should remain just that: memories.

Ashley’s bright greeting followed the bells gentle sound. Kaidan set about to tidy up the mess of flour and steak filling that was eyeing him from the large sink in the corner. Ashley definitely wasn’t going to do it.  For all of the talent that the woman had, cleaning was not one of them.

Whether that was by choice, Kaidan didn’t know.

He was soaking the bowl that contained the remnants of the steak filling, a mental note in his mind to stop by the butcher’s tomorrow morning, when ambient conversation filtered through to the back room.

“ _So what can I get for you, sir?”_

Kaidan blinked. _Sir?_ Must be a new customer. Or someone attractive.

He guessed the latter.

“ _Ah. Yeah, a friend of mine sent me here with_ really _bad directions because apparently the steak pie here is the best in this part of town. Is that true?”_

Kaidan’s heart swelled. His steak pies were _pretty_ amazing. The small mass of shortcrust and prime steak had become infamous amongst other bakeries in the area for how damn good it was. Ashley might bring in a vast majority of their clientele’ with her tartlets and éclairs but _Kaidan Alenko’s Homemade Steak Pie_ was what paid the bills come closing time. He took a little pride in that fact.

Maybe more than a little. His pie was _really_ good.

Ashley began laughing, a high pitched and definitely _not-_ Ashley sound. Kaidan rolled his eyes. Definitely attractive.

“Just _this_ _part? Man, the steak pie we sell here is the_ best _damn steak pie in all of Vancouver. Your friend must have been misinformed.”_

_“Not misinformed. Just… full of bad directions.”_

_“Huh. Maybe he didn’t want you to find out about us then. Keep us as his dirty little secret?”_

_“Maybe. I had to follow my nose in the end.”_

_“Well, it_ is _a nice nose.”_

 _She did not just say that_. Kaidan dropped the bowl he was cleaning in horror, the sharp echo as it clattered around the sink emphasising the tremendously awkward silence that rang through the shop front. He wanted to clear out the bakery and shut it down.

Forever.

Did—did she seriously just _say_ that?

“ _Uhm—“_

_“So, uh, steak pie, right?”_

_“…please.”_

Oh god, she _did_.

Kaidan swore softly. Ashley and her infectious personality was a brilliant contrast to Kaidan; but her mouth sometimes decided to run away without her brain to follow. The amount of times he had to pull her ass out of the fire in these situations ran well into the double digits.

Maybe it was time for an intervention, she was overdue for—

Then a deep, orgasmic _…_ keening— _holy shit—_ came from the shop front that left Kaidan red behind the ears and—

_Holy shit._

It didn’t sound like it came from Ashley either. Kaidan _knew_ what she sounded like during— well, he wasn’t going to board _that_ train of thought right then.

He hurried to the shop front, trying to quell the warmth that was pooling down south from that _sound_ that echoed through the store. _Shit, shit,_ that sound was _doing_ things to him. He hoped that Ashley had some sort of explanation for… _that._

Then his eyes fell on the man behind the counter, the obvious source for that… moan, it was a _moan_ , and—well, he could see why Ashley was acting the way that she did because they certainly didn’t breed them like _that_ anymore.

Seriously, _goddamn_.

Kaidan noticed his eyes first, bright and impossibly blue, before eyeing the hard lines of his face which led to a small scar that faded into his buzzed scalp. Then there was the stubble on his jaw, the angle of his nose and _yes Ashley it’s a_ very _nice nose,_ and strong fingers wrapped around one of Kaidan’s specialty steak pies. There was a look of pure and unadulterated bliss on the excellent features of his face as he closed his eyes, lashes dusting his cheeks and—

This man was a goddamn work of art. Seriously. Was the lighting inside the bakery _really_ the cause for all the shadows that were dancing along the lines of his face? Is it even possible for someone’s eyes to be as blue as his were? How is it—

“Uh, boss?” Ashley quipped from somewhere beside him.

Kaidan swallowed. He didn’t trust himself enough to speak.

“I think that you’re staring.”

The man met his eyes and Kaidan could feel his cheeks heat up. He smiled apologetically and swallowed another mouthful of pie.

Not… that Kaidan was eyeing the pulse that was throbbing on his neck as he swallowed, and _god_ he could just tell that the guy was trying not to make any more inappropriate sounds.

Not… that he would have minded if he did.

_Shit._

“Uh… sorry about that.” The guy said, brushing crumbs away from the soaked hoodie that he was wearing. Kaidan remained silent, still not trusting himself. “Forgot where I was for a second. It’s just that… _shit_ , this has got to be the best pie I’ve ever had the pleasure of eating. Honestly. I’m not even saying that because I’m starving. It’s _really_ good.”

He felt Ashley nudging him discreetly in his side, and he turned to see a sly smile on her lips. Her elbow was pressing into his ribs uncomfortably, and Kaidan tried to step away. She simply moved closer.

“Well, uh, thanks.” Kaidan said, for lack of anything better to say.

The man raised his eyebrows slightly. “You made it?”

Kaidan nodded. Those blue eyes shone brilliantly under the warm lighting of the shop and Kaidan didn’t think he could even find something to compare the colour to. Periwinkle icing? Blueberry batter? Turquoise coulis?

“Totally worth getting lost over. It’s really good.” The smile that he gave Kaidan almost sent him to his knees. That was not okay, far from it. A smile like that should be illegal, all crooked and—

_Shit._

“Yeah,” said Ashley. “You just said that.”

“Well it’s… true.”

“Right,” Ashley failed at hiding the smirk on her face. “Well, Boss-man here is _real_ talented at these sorts of things. Probably the first time he’s made someone freaking _orgasm_ over his pies though, at least in public.”

Kaidan choked. “ _Ashley_.”

“Hey, what you do in your own time is your own business, Boss.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t scare away the customers during _work hours_.”

“Actually,” The man piped up. “It’s worth dealing with her if it means I get another one of these bad boys.” He paused and turned back to Kaidan, missing Ashley’s glare. “Not that they’re bad, which is the opposite of what I’ve been telling you.” Then he blinked. “I’m not a _liar_ if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Oh, no,” Kaidan's voice had gone up an octave or two. He hoped that the man wouldn’t notice. Judging by the way Ashley was snickering, she certainly _did_. “I didn’t think you were. Besides, if that’s the sound you make when you taste something bad, then I’d love to hear the sound you make when you taste something—“

“Okay,” Ashley interjected, looking between the both of them. “I’m going to stop you _right there_ because if you finish that sentence, you’re seriously going to stew over it for the next _eight_ _years_.”

Kaidan snapped his mouth shut. The guy stayed silent, his brilliant eyes still trained on Kaidan. Kaidan found himself trying not to admire his fingers as they gripped the pastry… and failed.

He took a deep breath. “So, uh… thank you.”

The look that he gave Kaidan, soft and full of _something_ that he couldn’t identify right then, made him clench his fists. He’s thirty two, _thirty two,_ and he was acting like a goddamn teenager. Just because the guy, despite being attractive and… well that was the only thing that came to mind because _goddamn_ , ate one of _his_ pies and made obscene noises while doing so should not make him act the way that he was.

Besides, Ashley would never let him live it down.

So with renewed vigour, he walked up to the heated oven that kept his pies warm and began eyeing each of them. Steak and pastry filled his senses as he withdrew two of the golden treats into separate paper bags before handing them over to the man.

He started for a moment before taking the bags. Their fingers brushed and Kaidan briefly felt calloused skin against his own. For a second their eyes met, and…

_Shit._

“I, uh, only had enough for one of them…” The guy shuffled uncomfortably on the spot.

Kaidan shook his head, avoiding Ashley’s gaze. “On the house.”

“ _Seriously_ —?” Ashley choked.

“I can’t let you do that—“

“Hey,” Kaidan barked. “It’s _my_ bakery and what I say _goes_. Besides,” Kaidan looked at him again, a small smile on his face. “You can’t expect me to believe that you’ll be full after just _one._ The minimum requirement here is at least two.”

“Yeah, sometimes three.” Ashley, seemingly recovered from Kaidan’s brash action, nodded in agreement.

The man stared at both Kaidan and Ashley for a moment before he started chuckling and _god_ , even his laugh was attractive. _Shit._ He popped the last bit of the cooling pie into his mouth (Kaidan didn’t watch as his lips wrapped around the pastry, he _didn’t_ ) before placing some notes onto the counter.

“I appreciate it. Seriously.”

Kaidan shook his head, being sure to avoid touching those strong fingers as he took the notes off of the counter. “Not a problem.”

He gave Kaidan that crooked grin and Kaidan couldn’t help but notice how… _nice_ it was. It was genuine and kind of adorable, especially since flakes of pastry were adorned along it. Being a romantic was going to be the end of him, seriously. Kaidan returned the smile, ignoring Ashley’s suggestive laughter beside him.

“So… I should go.”

Kaidan tried to sound indifferent. “If you have to.”

“I’ll probably come back.”

“Probably?”

He laughed again. “Definitely.”

“Well… good.”

He turned to leave, the paper bags crinkling in his clenched hand, before stopping at the door. He turned back to Kaidan, his eyes falling on Kaidan _…_ and _yep,_ there was that weak feeling in his knees again. “I’m, uh, I’m Shepard, by the way.”

Ashley snorted, and Kaidan raised an eyebrow. Shepard? _Just_ Shepard? The questions that boiled beneath the surface were threatening to burst forward. There was a story behind that, and Kaidan loved a good story, especially if it came from _that_ mouth. He decided _not_ to question it however; it wasn’t his place to—

Seriously, _Shepard_?

“Uh, Boss?”

Kaidan tore his eyes away from Shepard, _Shepard_ , and looked questioningly at Ashley. “What?”

“ _Shepard_ told you his name.”

“I know that.”

“So,” Leaning against the counter, Ashley wiggled a few fingers at a bewildered Shepard, “are you going to tell Shepard _your_ name?”

 _Shit_. “Oh! Oh, I’m Kaidan. Kaidan Alenko.”

A beat passed. “Okay,” Shepard said with that crooked grin before using his free hand to pull his hood over his head. “Then I’ll see you next time, Kaidan.”

Then he left the shop, the cold gust of Vancouver and the chime of the bell all that was left behind.

The moment the door closed, Kaidan sagged against the counter; notes still clenched in his hands. _Shit_. He tried focusing on the scent that came from the pies, how it mingled with the sweeter treats in the display beneath them before he noticed Ashley being uncharacteristically quiet beside him.

He closed his eyes. “Go ahead and say it.”

“Nope.”

She wanted to say it.

“ _Ashley._ ”

Ashley spun around to face him, eyes mischievous. “Okay, did you see the man on that _ass_? I mean, good _lord_ , it looked as firm as those buns you insist on making!”

She looked thoughtful for a moment, no doubt comparing said buns to Shepard’s ass. “And seriously? He said ‘ _next time’_ , which means he’ll be back…”

Ashley held her chin in her hand, a finger absently stroking her jaw and that thoughtful expression still on her face. Kaidan braced himself as her eyes flashed and her mouth broke out into a large grin. “I fucking _knew_ it; I _knew_ that he was checking you out!”

Well, he _did_ have a nice— Kaidan looked at her, brows knitting. “Wait, what?”

“Oh fuck off, don’t pretend you didn’t notice,” She shoved him, ignoring how his frown deepened. _“_ Shepard was looking at you from the second you walked through the door Kaidan, and honestly? He looked like he'd rather be eating you than the damn pie! _”_

“Leave my pies out of this. Also, what’s wrong with the buns?”

Ashley rolled her eyes. “Buns are for Easter, Boss, and _don’t_ try to change the subject—“

“Well, too bad because I’m not talking about this right now.”

“And I’m not going to leave you alone until you do.” Ashley said with an air of finality, arms crossed and a triumphant expression on her face.

Kaidan sighed, burying his face in his hands; the edges of the notes were digging into his cheek and he _really_ wanted to drown himself in the kitchen sink right about then.

It was going to be a _long_ afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kalamata Olive is an actual macaron flavour as produced by [Adriano Zumbo](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adriano_Zumbo), a quirky Australian patisserie known for his equally-as-quirky deserts. He's my absolute favourite person ever.
> 
> In regards to Kaidan's little comment about knowing what Ashley sounds like during... that, refer to [this](http://wintarmanoth.tumblr.com/post/52779744800) tumblr post.
> 
> I remember that I was sitting in a doctor's office when Jo sent me the prologue and I sort of clenched my chest and started breathing heavily because 'WOW OKAY HOW DO I CONTINUE FROM THAT AWESOME PIECE OF WORK', and then _boom_! Ashley and Kaidan's opening dialogue wormed its way into my head and well, here it is! BREATHING HEAVILY AGAIN because I am so ridiculously nervous to post this and I really hope you all like it  <333
> 
> Jo's chapter shall be up tomorrow, and adorable things happen in it. Until next time! - Francine (januarys)


	3. Steak Pies, Take 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard doesn't get lost on his way home, but he does get lost, just a little bit, in Kaidan's eyes. Also, he is a hopeless romantic. _Kaidan Alenko. Shepard had to stop for a moment outside the shop and take a few deep, steadying breaths, glancing back at the cheery light still shining out onto the street, reassuring himself it hadn’t been a starvation-induced dream. They certainly didn’t make them like that anymore, and he was only partially talking about the steak pies._

_Kaidan Alenko_.  Shepard had to stop for a moment outside the shop and take a few deep, steadying breaths, glancing back at the cheery light still shining out onto the street, reassuring himself it hadn’t been a starvation-induced dream. 

They certainly didn’t make them like _that_ anymore, and he was only partially talking about the steak pies. 

Now that he was back on the street, it seemed that Vancouver was twice as cold and empty as it had been before Shepard had found the bakery.  He shivered, crossing his arms over his chest and clutching the paper bags with their precious contents closer, trying both to preserve their warmth and to absorb some of it for himself. 

As he set off into the city, his stomach gurgled and twinged a bit, reminding him that he was still hungry.  He reluctantly pulled one of the pies out of their bag; he’d hoped to save them, but he just couldn’t wait.  A helpless whimper of pleasure escaped him as he bit into it, quieter than the noise he’d made in the store but no less blissful – and _god_ , how embarrassing had that been, moaning orgasmically over a _pie_ – though, if he was honest, he’d almost moaned again when Kaidan had spoken.  The man’s voice… rough and burning through him like stubble against his skin. 

 _Besides, if that’s the sound you make when you taste something bad then I’d love to hear the sound you make when you taste something—_  

He whimpered again around the pie, only it was less about how delicious the thing was and more about taking that thought to its logical conclusion. 

And of course, now that he’d started thinking about the baker, he couldn’t stop. 

He wasn’t sure what he’d noticed first when Kaidan had emerged from the back room, probably in response to hearing his assistant’s – _Ashley_ , he reminded himself – forwardness.  A five o’clock shadow darkened his face, throwing his strong jaw into sharp relief.  Eyes warm as honey, crinkling at the edges when he smiled or laughed.  Dark, thick eyebrows that furrowed and made him look older than his otherwise young features suggested. 

Shepard remembered the subtle swell of Kaidan’s chest when he’d heard praise for his baking, but the subsequent warmth that had flooded through Shepard’s own body was a surprise.  He couldn’t remember ever being the cause for someone else to feel so good about themselves, and he was amazed at how easy it had been.  And at how good _he’d_ felt, seeing Kaidan so pleased. 

He’d known he would return to the bakery within five minutes of walking through the door.  It only took him until he was halfway through his second steak pie to decide that he would return as soon as he possibly had the chance. 

And it only took him until a few bites later to realize that he still had no idea where he was going.  He swore around a mouthful of pie filling and flaky dough, and paused, glancing around for any kind of landmark or indication of a bus stop.  Nothing was forthcoming, and he realized, with a mix of dread and an unexpected pleasant churning anticipation, that his best option was to return to the bakery and ask for directions. 

He did a quick about-face and retraced his steps, finishing off the pie and licking his fingers for any remnants of the crust.  He swiped the back of his hand across his mouth and, noticing at the last minute that he had a few crumbs scattered over the front of his hoodie, batted at his chest to get rid of them. 

Through the window, he could see Kaidan behind the counter, working on something.  From the rolling motions of his strong shoulders and arms under his fitted white t-shirt (and how, exactly, did a baker get so ripped?), it looked like he was kneading.  Every so often he would shake his head or turn slightly and say something – probably talking to Ashley in the back.  A faint blush had appeared, high on his cheekbones and (Shepard couldn’t help noticing) contrasting with his tanned skin in a way that could only be called _beautiful_. 

Shepard pulled open the door again, déjà vu hitting him, and Kaidan looked up to see who had entered. 

Their eyes met, and both men hesitated awkwardly. 

“Uh.  Hi?  Again?”  Shepard offered, shifting from one foot to the other and crumpling the top of his single remaining paper bag in his fingers. 

Kaidan rubbed at the back of his neck.  “When you said you’d be back, I didn’t expect you so soon.”  He paused.  “Not that I’m complaining.  I mean – I mean, not that I _wanted_ you to – um, and not that I _didn’t_ –” 

Ashley’s voice floated out to them, colored with amusement.  “ _Breathe, boss!_ ” 

Kaidan flushed deeper, but took a breath and started over.  “What can I do for you?  Did you, uh, want another –”  He gestured to the bag in Shepard’s hands. 

“Oh, no – or, yes, because, you know, as I said – really, really good.”  Shepard felt his own ears reddening.  This had gone way more smoothly in his head.  “But, not right now.” 

“Oh.”  Kaidan looked down at the dough he’d been working over, and then back up, eyebrows raised slightly.  “So…?” 

“I actually…” Shepard cleared his throat.  He felt oddly hypnotized by Kaidan’s clear amber gaze.  _Crap._   “I actually, uh, don’t know where I’m going.  Is there a bus stop or something around here?” 

“We’re a bit off the bus routes.  Here –”  Kaidan dusted some flour over the countertop where Shepard could see, and beckoned him closer.  His finger hovered over the flour, and he glanced up at Shepard, apologetic half-smile on his face.  “I don’t have pen and paper handy, sorry.” 

“That’s – it’s fine.”  Shepard found himself staring at Kaidan’s hands, flour in the lines of his knuckles and creases of his palm.  He suddenly _really_ wanted to watch Kaidan at work on his bakery products. 

“Okay, so.”  Kaidan’s husky voice broke through his thoughts, and he refocused on the counter.  “When you leave the store, go left for two blocks.”  He drew a small dot in the flour, representing the store, and then a line extending from the dot and making a sharp left. 

Shepard chuckled under his breath.  “I hope this goes better than the last time someone tried to give me directions.” 

“Please.  I know this city like the back of my hand.  Lived here all my life.” 

“Hah.  Well, go easy on me, I just got here two days ago.” 

“An out-of-towner, eh?  Well, it’s not so bad once you get used to it.”  He gave Shepard a reassuring smile, and then continued drawing directions, describing landmarks that would help keep Shepard on track.  Turned out the nearest bus stop was about a mile away – but far closer than the one Garrus had suggested to him. 

When he’d explained how to get to the bus stop, he paused and looked up at Shepard again, the angle throwing faint shadows of his eyelashes on his skin.  It hit Shepard that they were quite close, leaning over the floury map, heads nearly brushing together.  He realized he was holding his breath.  _Crap.  Again._  

“Uh, which direction are you headed?” 

“…from here?  I’m… not sure.  Do you know where the military base is?” 

Kaidan froze, a strange, unreadable expression flashing across his face before it fell into neutrality. 

“Yeah.”  His voice was oddly flat.  “You’ll have to go a little out of your way, but I think you can do it with only one transfer.  Take the bus inbound…” 

Shepard glanced up as he spoke and noticed that Ashley was standing at the doorway behind Kaidan.  A small smile was on her face, and her eyes were soft with affection as she watched the two of them.  Her smile turned mischievous when she caught Shepard watching her, and she gave a short nod – that seemed suspiciously like _approval_ – before turning and disappearing into the back again. 

“Everything seem clear?” 

Shepard looked back to Kaidan.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I think so.  Hey – thanks.  I really appreciate it.”  His eyes slid away.  “You… mentioned that you own this place?” 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“Uh.  That mean you’re here every day?” 

Kaidan’s eyes got bigger.  Shepard would be blatantly lying if he said he didn’t think it was adorable – and, well, he was a terrible liar. 

“It’s just me and Ashley here.  We run the place between the two of us.” 

Ashley sashayed out right on cue, carrying a tray of perfectly-shaped chocolate meringues and chiming into the conversation. 

“I do the sweet stuff.  _He_ –” gesturing to Kaidan with her head – “takes care of anything that needs… a firmer grip.”  She winked at Shepard, and Kaidan’s mouth fell open. 

“ _Ashley!_ ” 

“Just sayin’, boss.” 

Shepard stifled a laugh.  They interacted like siblings – at least, the kind of sibling relationship Shepard had always wished he had – though they looked different enough that he suspected they weren’t related. 

“Well… I should go.” 

“Yeah, you said that before.” 

“Heh.  I guess I did.  Anyway… thanks again.  Kaidan.”  He held the man’s gaze, walking backwards to the door. 

“See you around… Shepard.” 

Shepard nodded to him, and darted out onto the street again. 

*            *            * 

Turned out, Kaidan _was_ much better at giving directions than Garrus had been.  Shepard made it back to the base with no hangups, finishing off his last pie on the second leg of his bus ride.  Garrus was already waiting for him in the barracks, sitting on the top bunk he’d claimed as his on their first night. 

_(“I call top bunk.  Better vantage point.”_

_“Garrus, we’re on shore leave.  You don’t need a ‘vantage point.’”_

_“You never can tell, Shepard.  I’d rather be safe than dead.”)_  

He looked over as Shepard entered.  “Oh.  You’re alive,” he commented mildly. 

“No thanks to you.” 

“What, were my perfect directions too vague for you?” 

“Your _totally inaccurate_ directions were… well, totally inaccurate.” 

“Witty.” 

“Don’t need to be witty to be right.” 

Garrus appraised Shepard’s empty hands.  “You didn’t bring me anything.” 

“After that fiasco?  Nuh-uh, buddy.  Not happening.  Besides, those steak pies?  Incredible.  I couldn’t have saved one for you if I’d wanted to.  Which, you know.  I didn’t.” 

“Hmph.  I told you they were good, though.”  He paused, birdlike features creasing in thought.  “And that dark-haired girl behind the counter?  Mm.  She’s a treat all on her own.” 

“Uh, creepy much?  Besides, I bet Kaidan would beat you into a pulp if you tried anything.” 

The words were out before he could stop them, but he knew as soon as he’d said Kaidan’s name that he was in for it.  Garrus’s eyes narrowed and a slow, smug grin appeared on his face. 

“Garrus, don’t even –” 

“Spirits, Shepard!  I didn’t know tall, dark, and handsome was your type.  Or – ooh, was it the flour?  I bet it was the flour.”  Shepard’s ears heated up again (and good lord, he’d blushed more today than he usually did in an entire year), and Garrus crowed with laughter.  “It _was_ the flour!  What, do you just have a thing for white powders or –” 

Shepard stared at him, stunned, and he trailed off, smile quickly disappearing.  “I – I’m sorry.  That was over the line.” 

“Yeah.  It was.” 

There was an awkward beat, and then Shepard cleared his throat.  “So, what about that girl you met up with?” 

“Tali?  Yeah, she was cute.  Don’t think it’ll go anywhere – just a fling, you know?  But I’m not really looking for anything serious.” 

In an attempt to win back some ground, Shepard took a gamble.  “Except with Ashley.” 

Garrus didn’t blush, as a rule, but Shepard had learned to read his own peculiar form of body language over their years training together.  Instead of going red, the blond man just twitched his nose back and forth a bit and looked down at his mattress.  _Score one point for Shepard._   “Nah.  Not ready to settle down.  And it’s not like relationships in the military are easy.  Not worth the effort, if you ask me, not unless you find someone who understands.”

Shepard remembered dark hair, amber eyes, and full lips, and hoped – stupidly, irrationally, given that they had _only just met_ – that Kaidan understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY new chapter! Shepard's flour fetish may be modeled after, uh... *ahem* personal experience.
> 
> Also Francine has ridiculous skill for writing adorable dialogue. If you haven't already noticed that... don't worry, the next chapter(s) will convince you of it beyond the shadow of a doubt :D
> 
> xoxo,  
> Jo


	4. Apple Danish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard comes back to the bakery and Kaidan reveals a thing or two about his past. Meanwhile, Ashley and Garrus... flirt. Is that what the kids call it these days? (Although Garrus is doing the flirting. Ashley is just Ashley.) _“So, are you going to teach him how to handle éclairs? How to correctly hold one in his hands? Make sure the custard doesn't trickle down his wrist?”_

“I heard you found yourself a nice piece of ass, Alenko!”

Kaidan almost dropped the tray of profiteroles he was carrying in from the kitchen. Joker’s voice rang across the shop, Ashley’s laughter coming out from the same direction, and for once Kaidan was thankful that the mid-afternoon rush hadn’t hit them yet because _what the hell._

Who even says something like that? Out _loud?_

He placed the tray down with shaking arms onto the counter and whirled around. Ashley was sitting across from Joker, and both wore identical mischievous expressions.

His heart began racing. “What the _hell_ are you talking about, Joker?”

“Exactly that,” Joker said as he leaned back in his seat, flinching as he done so. Kaidan silently hoped that it hurt. “You found yourself a nice piece of ass. So tell me about it. Is it firm? Can you bounce a coin off of it? Don’t tease me Alenko; I got my girlfriend for that!”

Too much information. Ever.

Kaidan threw a glare at Ashley, who had the audacity to appear innocent. She even fit the picture perfectly, wide eyes and bottom lip between her teeth.

He really wanted to drown himself in the sink.

Taking a deep breath, he focused his attention on the profiteroles, arranging them onto individual paper cases. Joker and Ashley snickered behind him as though they were children keeping secrets from the adults. He had the urge to send them to their rooms.

“Aw, come on Boss!” Ashley said, getting up from her chair and sauntering over. She came up behind him, rested her chin on his shoulder and grinned. Kaidan tried not to return it, _tried_ being the operative word. Damn infectious personality. “Tell Joker all about your little crush on Shepard!”

He groaned. “I _don’t—_ “

“ _Shepard?_ ” Joker sounded almost offended as he adjusted the cap on his head. “Does he think he’s an epic galactic hero or something?”

“Well, his ass is something like an epic galactic hero would have—”

Kaidan choked. “ _Ashley.“_

“No way, did you get a gander at it as well?” Joker leaned forward in anticipation, oblivious to Kaidan’s discomfort towards the conversation.

Hell, the fact that Joker even _knew_ was discomforting enough. The internet would be aware of it within the next two hours if things went his way, which they usually did.

“ _’Did I get a gander at it’_ , he says!” Ashley scoffed. “Joker, it’s _me_. Besides, his jeans were so fucking tight that even _I_ had trouble breathing.”

Joker sat back in his seat, an appreciative expression beneath the roof of his cap. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

“This isn’t happening.” Kaidan muttered to himself, and Ashley chuckled on his shoulder. She pulled away from him, patting his upper arm, and opened the display to retrieve another cinnamon scroll for Joker. Kaidan contemplated pushing her completely into it.

Ashley placed the scroll into a paper bag and looked at Kaidan, eyebrow raised. “Like I’d let you get away with pushing me in there,” Kaidan blinked. Howdid _—_ “And we’re just teasing Kaidan! No harm done, right?”

“Yeah,” Joker said with a mouthful of cinnamon scroll. Kaidan scrunched his nose distastefully as bits of pastry flew from his mouth. “We’re just teasing you buddy—“

“I’m _not_ your _buddy_.” Kaidan said between gritted teeth, squeezing the life out of a profiterole. Pale custard exploded from the small treat held in his clenched hand, and Ashley wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Great, more mess _and_ innuendos to deal with.

Joker swallowed the pastry with a sigh, cinnamon and sugar littering his beard like crystals. Kaidan eyed him with the same distaste from before. Definitely not as attractive as Shepard, what with how the golden pastry flecked along his lips and—

Wait where had _that_ come from?

He shook the thought from his mind. He didn’t have time to be thinking about that, or anything really. The afternoon rush was rearing its head and his pies were still half way from finished. The last thing that should be on his mind, or even on his mind at all, was Shepard.

Kaidan will admit that the man interested him, definitely. God, how could anyone _not_ find Shepard interesting? If Kaidan were the type to scrutinise everything about a single person, to take them apart to figure out what pieces made them who they are, he would be able to do so with Shepard.

Granted he had only met him for all of twenty minutes that day, what with the way he shamelessly _moaned_ over one of Kaidan’s pies and sheepishly returned to ask for directions back to the base—

Which Kaidan didn’t want to think about right then.

Yet it was clear that Shepard was military. His vigorous training shone through in various ways, different little quirks that made Shepard _whole_. Despite his fumbling with Kaidan, the way his eyes seemed to be directed on him and _only_ him, there was an aura of confidence about him. Subtle confidence but it was _there_.

Confidence in the way his shoulders aligned the rest of his body to a perfect parade rest, his chin at a higher angle than normal, completely at ease with his surroundings as opposed to being at ease with the scenario he was in. Confidence in how his voice never wavered, even when uncertainty was the only option.

Kaidan didn’t need Ashley to tell him that Shepard hadn’t taken his eyes, his _stupidly_ blue eyes, off of him from the moment Kaidan had shown face. Just because he isn’t a people person, doesn’t mean he can’t _read_ the people.

It’s always the quiet ones, his mother once told him.

He also didn’t need to tell Ashley that Shepard had also eyed the exits, had taken stock of his surroundings should his current scenario take a turn for the worse. Kaidan knew that Shepard had watched his every movement, each twitch of the muscle as he mapped out lines and landmarks within the gritty flour.

When Kaidan looked up in that moment, he knew. He knew that when he met Shepard’s _stupidly_ blue eyes, in that moment when their faces were too close and Kaidan could count the small faded scars that were scattered across his skin, that it was already too late for him.

He would never admit it, though. He would never admit to anyone, not to Ashley and not to _himself_ , that he had already pulled Shepard apart, studied the pieces inside, and—

_Shit_.

Kaidan sighed softly to himself and looked at Ashley, noting the confusion on her face. He had a habit of running with his thoughts, something which was not ideal when you owned a bakery that sold the best damn steak pie in all Vancouver. Especially since the mid-afternoon rush was getting closer by the second.

The look in her eyes told him that she understood and with a small smile on her face, she gave him a hand towel before shoving him back towards the kitchen. Kaidan tried to protest, but received a thump to the small of his back as consequence.

“Let’s leave the Boss to bake some pies now, Joker.”

“Aw, but—” Joker protested.

“ _Joker_.”

He grumbled, scratching the sugar crystals from his beard. “Yeah, leave the crippled guy hanging, ‘cause _that_ always works out well—“

“Ash, you work here too.” Kaidan supplied, giving her an exasperated look which she returned flawlessly.

He sighed in defeat and headed into the kitchen. There were pies to be baked and they weren’t going to bake themselves.

*

When Kaidan was out of earshot, Ashley headed back towards Joker and slotted into the seat across from him once again. He gave her a questioning look over the remains of the pastry left in his hands. She smiled softly, her eyes sparkling, and leaned in closer to him.

“You should have seen the way that they were looking at each other, Joker. There was _something_ there, I know it.”

Joker kept a watch out of the corner of his eye for Kaidan, before leaning in as well. “Seriously?”

“I’d stake my talents as a pastry chef on it, _that’s_ how sure I am.”

“Damn. So, what are you going to do about it?”

Ashley crossed her arms on the table, tilting her chin to rest on her linked fingers. “ _Crap_ , I don’t know.” She sighed. “Joker, I _know_ Kaidan. He’s like an older brother to me. I know that’s he’s going to shut down everything I try to do about this. He’s a stubborn guy—”

“Yeah,” Joker scoffed. “Like that’s stopped you before. Do _pink chiffon curtains_ ring a bell?”

She narrowed her eyes. “It looked pretty in the magazine!”

“Right, so _that’s_ why Jack almost dropped you guys for her ‘ _I’m out of prison’_ party cake?”

“ _Anyway_ ,” She continued, tilting her head to rest against the crook of her elbow. “I don’t know. I just… Fuck, I _don’t_ know.”

They fell into a companionable silence. Joker picked at the bits of cinnamon scroll crumbled atop of the paper bag while Ashley gazed out the window into an overcast Vancouver. People passed by outside, brightened shadows in her mind's eyes.

“Look,” Joker began. “If there’s anyone who can do this Ash, it’s you.”

She perked up and lifted her head off of her arms, a smile tickling the corner of her lips. “You think so?”

He nodded. “Hell yeah! All that Alenko needs is a push, the rest he can figure out by himself.”

“Huh… _maybe_ you’re right.”

“Maybe?”

Ashley’s smile turned devious. Joker swallowed. “What if Shepard is the one to figure it out before him, however?”

He blinked at her for a moment, before mirroring her expression. “Are you suggesting what I think you are, Ashley?”

“All bets are on the table, Moreau,” She held out her hand, smudges of flour and ganache contrasting against her tanned skin. “Though, I wager that _Kaidan_ makes the first move. I am a _pretty_ good pusher after all.”

Joker eyed her hand, before meeting it with his own. She gave him a gentle squeeze, and his bones didn’t hurt for once. “You think too highly of yourself, Williams. I bet that _Shepard_ makes the first move. Sounds like the guy knows what he’s doing.”

They shook on it.

“You’re going down, Jeff.”

He grinned. “That’s only because you’ll take me to the emergency room afterwards, Ash.”

“Eh,” Ashley shrugged. “No promises.”

*

For both Kaidan and Ashley, the next few days passed without incident and plenty of flour beneath their fingernails.

Well, save for the day that Ashley dropped a tray of custard tarts on her way out of the kitchen one morning in her haste to get to the line of customers behind the counter, eagerly awaiting said tarts.

Which was also the day that Shepard came back to the bakery.

Kaidan wouldn’t have minded a mishap, but it was morning peak hour which meant that gluttonous school children were keen to spend their lunch money without their parents knowing. Gluttonous school children also _loved_ custard tarts, so he comforted Ashley (‘ _Fuck Boss, I didn’t mean to murder them, oh my_ god, _I’m so sorry.’_ ) and procured a batch of fresh triple chocolate chunk cookies as a peace offering to the schoolkids.

He wasn’t sorry to see the shop empty for once.

Ashley continued muttering profanities as she tidied up the counter, making a headcount on the surviving tarts that sat in their display. Kaidan kept the comments to himself while he tended to the broken tart shells that were scattered along the tiles.

Not that Kaidan was going to say anything anyway; he would have been too busy laughing at the distraught look on her face. Karma is as sweet as the cinnamon cream puffs that sat on the platter next to the register. He threw the crumbling shells into a garbage bag and continued to hunt around the floor, skirting around Ashley’s trousered legs.

She sighed, sounding almost resigned. “Kaidan, look, I’m _really_ sorry.”

Kaidan looked up at her from his perch on the tiles and frowned. Ashley _must_ be feeling bad if she’s still apologising half an hour later. He wiped the custard clinging to his palm on his apron, before resting his hand on her lower shin. Ashley ceased wiping the counter and looked down at him.

Kaidan gave her a reassuring smile. “Ashley, I said not to worry about it. We’re human; we’re allowed to screw up every now and then.” He squeezed her leg in a gesture of comfort, familiar and warm, and she matched his smile.  “Just don’t make a habit out of it.”

Ashley scoffed and shook him off. “Moment _destroyed_ , and… thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“Now,” Her posture became confident. He braced himself. “Why can’t you listen to yourself when you talk like that?”

He wasn’t sure where she was going with that. “I don’t follow.”

Ashley turned around and leaned against the counter, arms crossed along her chest. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Kaidan—”

“Well, I’m humble. I don’t see what—“

“Yeah and there’s a fucking difference between being humble and being a pushover.”

“Christ, I know that, but _what the hell are you talking about—_ “

“I’m talking about how you’re still beating yourself up over what happened with Shepard the other day!”

Hang on; was that what this was all about? Kaidan sat back slightly, crumbs under his fingernails and a dawning realisation in his chest. “How did you—“

“It’s _me_.” Ashley rolled her eyes. “Besides that little thing with Joker, when you just _zoned_ the fuck out? You were obviously thinking about him.”

“I was thinking about Joker?”

“ _Shepard_.” Ashley stressed.

He scoffed, trying to appear nonchalant. “Ashley, I met him for barely _twenty minutes_ a few days ago—“

“Well, he certainly made an impression on you. You like him.”

Kaidan broke away from her gaze and that small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. If they kept talking about this then he was going to be redder than the strawberries garnishing his cheesecakes. He knew what Ashley was talking about, and he knew that he _wasn’t_ going to talk about it.

The bell chimed at the door, and Ashley turned to greet the customers. Kaidan dusted his hands on his trousers. “Ashley, I barely know Shepard enough to say that I—“

“Shepard!” Ashley exclaimed with enthusiasm, nudging Kaidan’s thigh with her shoe as she did so. “Hey!”

Kaidan froze; his heart racing at the sound of footsteps approaching the counter and a feeling of dread rising in his gut. This cannot be happening. This _cannot_ be happening.

“Hey again.” Shepard said happily.

It was.

_Shit._

Kaidan took a deep breath and lifted himself off the ground, avoiding Ashley’s shoe again as it went to nudge him again. Then he met Shepard’s gaze, those insanely blue eyes that Kaidan still couldn’t find anything to compare to, the creases near those eyes that told him about the crooked smile on his lips, and Kaidan swallowed.

“Oh, uh, hey Shepard—“ It was then that Kaidan noticed the tall, blonde man standing beside Shepard. He raised his eyebrows.  “Wait, _Garrus_?“

Garrus’ smirk was similar to that of a feline with a juicy mouse. “Just like old times Alenko, Williams. I’m glad to see you gave my boy here a friendly Canadian welcome.”

Kaidan shook off the shock that was beginning to sink in from seeing Garrus, and Garrus with _Shepard_ , before he frowned and opened his mouth to interrogate. Ashley beat him to it, obviously having summed it up faster.

“Wait Garrus, so you’re the ‘friend’ that gave Shepard terrible directions? So terrible in fact that he had to come back here _after_ he had left just so he could get home before dark?”

“Oh well, I didn’t know he had to come _back,_ ” Garrus’ smirk widened. “That just makes this a little more fun.”

Shepard groaned, and placed a hand over his eyes. “Can it, Garrus.”

Ashley crossed her arms. “You’re a real asshole Vakarian, you know that right?”

“Oh, I try Ash.”

She glared at him. “You don’t get to call me _Ash_.”

“Ouch, that _stung_.” Garrus shifted and leaned against the counter, hands clasped together and long fingers intertwined. “You know, you try to act tough but we all know you’re as sweet as a newborn kitten, _Ash._ ”

It was quiet for a moment, enough so that one could have heard a pin drop. Kaidan winced, making a grab for Ashley who stood fuming beside him.

“Ex _cuse_ me?! You get your ass behind this counter, Vakarian, and I’ll show you _newborn kitten—“_

Garrus visibly flinched. “I was only kidding Williams, relax—“

“Oh _don’t_ tell me to relax, you incredibly tall mammal! I’m more like a fucking _hellcat_ than a kitten!”

Shepard caught Kaidan’s eyes, and Kaidan saw him bite back a smile. There was something in his gaze, something which Kaidan couldn’t read but he _knew_ exactly what Shepard wanted to say, so he nodded in approval and released Ashley’s arm.

“Hey.” Shepard said loudly, capturing their divided attention. “You two want to get a room or something?”

Kaidan chuckled softly, while Ashley looked on in horror. “What?”

“Huh?” Garrus’ nose twitched slightly.

“My thoughts exactly.” Kaidan said, giving Shepard a small smile before turning to Ashley. “Ash, my kindness doesn’t extend to having marine blood over my tiled floor so control your temper _and_ your language.”

She sniffed. “Not my fault the _mammal_ is a little feisty this morning.”

“Maybe I’m always a little feisty, _Williams_.”

Kaidan held back a gasp because _wow_ , and Shepard groaned. “Garrus, there’s a time and a place and this?” He made a sweeping gesture around the shop. “This is _both_ the wrong place and the wrong time.”

“Come on Shepard,” He bumped his shoulders with his friend and smirked. “There’s never a wrong time for a little battlefield flirting. You and I both know that.”

The feeling in Kaidan’s chest wasn’t jealousy. That’s what he kept telling himself as he looked between Shepard and Garrus. He supposed the way they seemed to lean into each other unconsciously, how they always watched each other out of the corner of their eyes, and the mockery that came from years of being together was something that Kaidan was familiar with.

He had Ashley after all, despite her shenanigans and… Ashley-ness. The familiarity between them was reflected in Shepard and Garrus, so it was wrong for the jealousy to rear its ugly head inside of Kaidan’s chest.

It didn’t stop him from feeling it though.

Ashley snorted, bringing Kaidan back to reality. “Yeah Vakarian, I don’t disagree but we’re in a _family friendly bakery_ ,” She placed heavy emphasis on those three words. “Not a damn _minefield_. So it’s definitely the wrong place—“

She stopped short, and all three heads turned to watch her. The seconds passed, and Kaidan thought about flicking her ear. Then Ashley clapped her hands suddenly, making Kaidan jump and the marines opposite them frown.

Ashley turned to Garrus with a sweet smile, something Kaidan didn’t like to see on her face at _all_. He knew that smile; it screamed ‘ulterior motive’ and it was an alarming thing to see.

_Especially_ since Shepard was standing right across from him.

_Shit._

“Say, Garrus?” Ashley said with a sweet voice to match her smile. Garrus blinked. “How about you sample the apple Danish? I tried out a new pastry recipe this morning and—“

Kaidan gaped. She wouldn’t _dare_. “No, you _didn’t_.”

“Yes I _did_ Boss _,_ because I knew that somebody would want to try something different and well, look at that!” Ashley batted her lashes at Garrus. “Garrus is here and he would like to try something different!”

Garrus blinked again. “I do?”

“Yes you do,” Ashley said. “Now, go sit down over there and I’ll bring it over to you. In fact, we’ll go together. Come on!”

She looked between Kaidan and Shepard, a devious expression on her face and excitement sparkling in her eyes, before plucking the Danish from the display and leading a bewildered Garrus away from the counter.

“Ashley, I don’t even _like_ —“

“You do now, Garrus, so shut the fuck up and _eat it_.”

Kaidan watched them go with his mouth agape. Did she actually just do that?

He looked at Shepard standing across from him, that familiar smile on his lips with amusement in his eyes, and held back the groan.

She did.

_Shit._

_*_

The earlier conversation with Ashley replayed in his mind.

If Kaidan Alenko was not a romantic, he would have counted the days following his first meeting with Shepard as simply that; _days,_ that are full of the same routine that his muscles have committed to memory, from filling tartlets, to shooing Ashley away from the sink.

However Kaidan Alenko _was_ a romantic, so he counted the days that followed along from his first meeting with Shepard as that; the days after meeting _Shepard_.

So what if there was a shred of hope in his chest each time the bell chimed at the entrance? If he hoped to be touching calloused fingers when he handed over a crinkled paper bag containing a fresh steak pie? So _what_ if he traced patterns into the flour coated counter before he kneaded a fresh batch of dough? It didn’t mean anything.

Except that it _did_ mean something, if the fact that Kaidan’s heart was beating rapidly against his chest at the sight of Shepard before him in that moment.

Kaidan cast a glare over towards Ashley and Garrus speaking in hushed tones over the Danish in the corner before looking back to Shepard, surprised at the expectant expression on his face. God, those _eyes_.

“Uh, she’s like that sometimes. Ashley, I mean.” Kaidan said quietly, trying to look away from Shepard’s gaze. He failed.

Shepard gave Kaidan his crooked grin. “I figured as such from the other day. _Definitely_ a hellcat.”

“Yeah, that much hasn’t changed about her, that’s for sure.”

Shepard shifted. “So… you’ve known her awhile, then?”

Kaidan grinned. “She’s my best and oldest friend. Well, she’s not _old_ per se because she’d beat me into submission if I ever said that to her, and it’s not that I _think_ she’s old,” He took a breath. Shepard’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “Yeah, she’s my best friend.”

“Tell me all about it? I mean,” Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. “Not about how old she is, because yeah she _does_ look around—“ He swallowed. “I’m not going to finish that sentence. I’d rather keep the facial scarring at a bare minimum, if she’s the hellcat she claims to be.”

Kaidan blinked. “Seriously?”

“Well, I _do_ like my face.”

“No,” Kaidan said with a soft smile. “No, I meant that you seriously want me to tell you my life story?”

Shepard shrugged, toying with the strings of his hoodie as though to avoid Kaidan’s gaze. “Why the hell not? If you want to, of course.”

“Just… it’s a long story.”

Shepard shrugged, the strings of his hoodie shifting with the movement. “If it’s interesting enough then I want to know it.” His eyes bore into Kaidan. “And you seem plenty interesting to me.”

He felt as though the breath had been taken out of him in one fell swoop. Kaidan tried to grip the edge of the counter as casually as he could. “Those are loaded words, Shepard.”

“So shoot me.” Shepard said, tone joking but eyes serious. “But I really do want to know, Kaidan. So, tell me.”

Kaidan opened his mouth to reply, but the bell chimed at the shop door and Kaidan saw disappointment flash across Shepard’s features.

“Another time, then.” Shepard said softly.

Kaidan met his gaze, intense and impossibly blue, before nodding. He tore himself away from the counter, fumbled with a few paper bags and deposited some steak pies into them. “Come by this afternoon if you’re in the area, and I’ll tell you.”

Their fingers brushed again as he handed the bags over, and Kaidan boldly let his own linger against Shepard’s calloused skin. Shepard met his eyes, and.... _Shit._

“Definitely.” Shepard slapped some notes down onto the counter and signalled for Garrus across the bakery, who begrudgingly shuffled over with a half-eaten Danish still in his hands. “See you later Kaidan, Ash.”

Ashley gave them a delicate little wave as she headed back behind the counter, Garrus twitching his nose as she done so and they left together, Garrus ribbing Shepard with ‘ _how come_ you _can call her Ash’_ as the door closed.

She gave the waiting customer a large smile, taking down their order and bumping Kaidan as she walked to the display.

“We’re going to talk about this.” Ashley whispered excitedly.

Kaidan smirked, still reeling from the last few minutes. “Don’t count on it.”

*

To say that Kaidan had been acting like a nervous wreck was an overstatement, surprisingly. With the lunchtime and mid-afternoon rush that plagued the shop each day, he hadn’t had enough time to think about Shepard or even what he was going to say to him. There was dough to be kneaded, pies to be baked, puffs to be creamed, and tarts to be taken _very_ carefully to their rightful home.

Ashley did tease him about it though.

_“So, you invited Shepard back this afternoon?”_

_“I did.”_

_“Want me to close the shop so the both of you can do, uh, business?”_

_“I invited him as a friend, Ashley.”_

_“Fuck, I wish some of my friends looked at me like_ that _.”_

_“What?”_

_“I said ‘where’s the sticky date tart’?”_

They didn’t actually _sell_ ‘sticky date tart’ but Kaidan made a mental note to look into it.

True to his word, Shepard returned to the bakery late in the afternoon. Garrus was nowhere to be seen and the pies had seemingly met their fate head on. Kaidan was scrubbing away at a tray that had been coated in hardened caramel when Ashley’s voice floated in from the front.

_“Long time no see, Shepard!”_

Kaidan paused, his heart picking up speed at the sound of his voice.

_“Heh, right?”_

_“Uh huh.”_

_“Yeah. Uh, so Kaidan asked for me to come back.”_

_“Did he now?”_

_“Well, that’s what I got from it.”_

_“I see.”_

_“So, where is he?”_

_“Oh, he’s out the back._ _You can go back there, he’s probably cleaning up.”_

_“Isn’t that something you should be doing?”_

Kaidan almost banged his head against the wall. He could see why Shepard would ask something like that, but _god_ he wanted to hightail it out of there the second it came from his positively gorgeous mouth.

Wait, what?

_“…I’m going to ignore that obvious sexism.”_

_“Wait, I meant it as in because you’re his assistant—“_

_“Oh, you_ better _not finish that fucking sentence buddy. He’s in the back._ Go.”

The sound of hurried footsteps made their way towards the back room, and Kaidan turned around to see Shepard standing in the doorframe with a shameful expression on his face. He bit back a laugh.

“Well, I’m the worst person ever.” Shepard said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kaidan shook his head, the grin on his face growing. “No, no. She takes things the wrong way sometimes.”

“ _I heard that!”_

Both men chuckled as Kaidan wiped his hands dry on a hand towel. All pretence of scrubbing caramel was abandoned at the sight of Shepard, who still lingered in the doorway.

He smiled softly. “You can come in, you know. It’s not like I have a hundred people running around.”

Shepard eyed the room for a moment before he stepped in completely, his hoodie and jeans out of place next to the industrial equipment. He gave Kaidan a sheepish grin, and Kaidan’s heart skipped. There was silence for a moment before Kaidan cleared his throat.

“Uh, want something to eat? I’m going to have something anyway, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, uh, sure. Whatever you’re having.”

Kaidan grinned. “I wasn’t going to go out of my way to ensure you have a full belly, Shepard.” He dug out a few pies from the oven, still warm in their shells, and tossed one over to Shepard. He deftly caught it and took a bite, eyes rolling back into his head.

“This should be illegal, Kaidan. So damn good.”

“Well, I’m glad you think so highly of my, uh, pie.”

Kaidan watched as Shepard took another bite, his tongue darting out from between his lips to capture the loose pastry flakes. Kaidan was grateful that his apron covered the lower half of his body because _damn_ , his pies were not the only thing that should be illegal in Vancouver.

Hell, the _world_.

“So, going to tell me your story now, Kaidan?”

Kaidan looked at Shepard, posture loose and arms crossing his chest, the pie already demolished. His aura was almost inviting, enough so that Kaidan shifted a little closer to him despite the fact that he was on the other side of the room. He hoped Shepard wouldn’t notice.

“I don’t just tell anyone my life story, Shepard.”

“Why, being a baker is not all that it’s cracked up to be?”

“Well if you call screaming children and sobbing brides exciting, then no it’s really not.”

Shepard rolled his eyes. “It’s all a part of the package. Even though the work is exciting, it doesn’t mean that the end result is the same.”

“Except… baking _is_ exciting, as is the result.” Kaidan said with an emphasis on each word.

“Really? How so?”

Kaidan sighed and took another bite of his pie. “It just _is_. There’s something about creating something with my hands. Just watching it grow until it sits in front of a customer who knows that it was created _just for them_.”

Shepard was quiet for a moment. “You seem passionate about it.”

“I wasn’t always, surprisingly.”

“Yeah?”

Kaidan nodded, surprised at himself for revealing a hidden truth to someone he barely knows. How the _hell_ did Shepard do that?

“And is this the part where you tell me your life story?” Shepard pressed with an amused smile on his lips.

“If you can handle it, then yeah.”

Shepard shook his head and huffed. “I’m in the military, Kaidan. If I can dodge a few bullets then I can handle a few words.”

Kaidan fell silent, fumbling with what was left of his pie. As if Shepard noticed Kaidan’s discomfort, he moved across the room and leaned against the wall nearest to him. Kaidan took a deep breath, trying to find the words. Straight to the point then.

“So, my integrity has a habit of getting me into trouble sometimes—”

“Really?”

“It’s hard to believe, I know.”

“No kidding.”

“Shepard, if you’re going to mess with me—“

Shepard held his hands up as a peace offering. “You make it too easy, Kaidan. Sorry.”

Kaidan held back the chuckle, met Shepard’s gaze and continued. “My parents brought me up to be a good kid, you know? They did their best and while it worked for a time…” Kaidan sighed. “Look, the best can only get you so far because suddenly expectations are demanded to be met and, well, when you’re a teenager everything seems pretty unfair.”

“Tell me about it.” Shepard muttered. Kaidan took it as a sign to continue, noting the stiff set of the other man’s shoulders.

“My father…” Kaidan sighed. “My father is a good man, don’t get me wrong, but how would you feel if you were barely seventeen and being told to sign your fucking life away to the military? ‘ _Protect and serve’_ , hopefully survive while doing so.”

Shepard didn’t say anything. Kaidan continued. “I didn’t want that. It might be wrong to just _look_ a gift horse in the mouth, but I didn’t want that. And because of that, I couldn’t live under his roof anymore. Simple. So, I was seventeen and working in a bakery to pay board, to _survive_.” He took a breath. “Maybe the military would have been a better choice.”

“At least it wasn’t your only choice.”

Kaidan blinked. “What?”

“Nothing. Go on.”

Kaidan frowned at Shepard’s deflection, but went on. “Anyway there was this girl that always came into the bakery, Rahna.” His heart clenched at the memory. “She was… soft.”

“Soft?” Shepard said suggestively.

“Not in that way! No, she was just… Rahna. Long hair, kind eyes, and she always bought hummingbird cupcakes because it was her favourite animal.” He hadn’t been able to bring himself to make those flavour cupcakes ever since. “She was _Rahna_. I can’t describe her otherwise.”

There was a small smile on Shepard’s face. “Sounds like you really cared about her.”

“Yeah,” Kaidan nodded, ducking his head to hide the blood rushing to his cheeks. “I did. So when I finally built up the courage to ask her out, well, it was great.”

Kaidan fell silent, aware of Ashley puttering away out the front and Shepard’s soft breathing close by. He focused on the sounds, telling himself that the heat that danced behind his eyes was due to exhaustion and not the memory of _that_ night, and everything that came afterwards.

Shepard shifted closer to him. “Kaidan?”

Fumbling with the remaining pie shell in his hands, he took a deep breath and rested his head against the wall. “I was walking her home one night when this group of guys started following us. I didn’t think much of it but I should have because _shit_ , they just _grabbed_ Rahna. _Broke_ her arm trying to pull her away from me. I mean,” Kaidan swallowed, his voice on the verge of breaking. “Who the hell even _does_ something like that?”

He felt strong fingers grip his shoulder and Kaidan realised that he was shaking. He took another deep breath, and tried to focus on how _warm_ Shepard’s hand was above the thin layer of his shirt. It was as if his heart was underneath Shepard’s fingers and all his blood pumped from that spot.

“I-I lashed out. All I could hear was her _screaming_ and… I lost it. Okay, three against one is never a good idea—“

“Fuck.” Shepard muttered.

“But I had to _do_ something! Because of that integrity of mine, that I felt the need to do something _noble.”_

“What happened?”

He closed his eyes. “I killed one of them. Roundhouse kick to the head, and snapped his neck right in two. He was… dead before he hit the ground.”

Kaidan buried his face in his hands, aware of the deafening silence that pierced throughout the shop. Ashley was mysteriously quiet out front, and even Shepard’s breathing was hushed. All Kaidan could think about was the screaming, though, and the horror towards himself when that sickening _snap_ —

It was like he was seventeen again, standing on that sidewalk, the realisation of what had just done already overwhelming him. Lifeless eyes staring out into the night, Rahna with fear, fear of _him_ , clouding her face as she clutched her arm across her chest, blood in the creases of his knuckles and underneath his nails like when he has a handful of flour—

Shepard was still holding onto his shoulder. “What about Rahna?”

Kaidan blinked. “You’re not going to leave?”

The words left his mouth before he could stop them. The sick paranoia that had been growing in his gut was slowly beginning to subside because Shepard was still _here_ , and still standing beside him.

The pressure of the grip increased. “Kaidan, what happened to Rahna?”

He cleared his throat. “She was fine, I think.”

“You _think_.” Shepard appeared sceptical.

“I took her to the hospital and… well, she didn’t want to see me again, so I didn’t see her again. She was terrified of me.” Kaidan let out a breath. “I’d be scared of myself if it were me in her shoes.”

“You’re kidding me.”

Shepard pulled away from him, anger in his eyes. The warmth the palm on his shoulders disappeared quickly. “You’re telling me after all that, after what you _did_ for her, she wouldn’t even fucking give you the time of day?”

Kaidan nodded, too dumbfounded to speak. Shepard scoffed and ran a hand over his head, annoyance in his stance. “She sounds like a fucking idiot, Kaidan, sorry.”

“Ashley said the same thing.” Kaidan recalled.

“Where does she come into this story?”

“Who, Ash? She’s been a thorn in my side ever since we did our patisserie course together.” Kaidan heard her clanging a few things out the front, trying to sound busy. He knew better. “She helped me move on after what I did.”

“Kaidan—“

“Shepard,” Kaidan said firmly. “I killed a man. Self-defence or not, I’m still responsible for it. It’s the last thing you’d expect a kid like me to do. I was pretty messed up after that. I got off in court, even though I pled guilty, and couldn’t show my face to my parents because hell, I was _ashamed_.”

He found himself sinking to the ground, as though a weight had been taken off his chest. Shepard followed suit. Their hands were close, and Kaidan itched to mesh their fingers together. Instead, he clenched his entire hand, fingernails digging into his palm.

“She kept my sanity in check, even though she’s the real reason why I’m always driven insane.” There was a loud bang from the shop front, and Kaidan smirked. “Ashley… she was like a beacon of light, guiding me through the dark. The bakery is here today because she wouldn’t stop _nagging_ me to do it,” A soft clang sounded again, and it seemed almost affectionate. “And if it wasn’t for her, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here telling you all of this.”

They sat in silence as the last words rang out across the room. The weight of the confession, the fact that Shepard was still sitting right beside him, unbearably warm against the cold floor, boiled in the air and disappeared as the seconds ticked by.

Shepard’s mouth drew into his crooked smile. “Remind me to thank Ashley for being a pain in your ass.”

Kaidan looked at Shepard, contemplation on the other man’s face, and it all came at once.

Something ignited in his chest. It was small, something that hadn’t been felt for an age and long before that, but it was _there_. Kaidan didn’t want to let that feeling go. The fact that he had told Shepard all of his thoughts, in all his stumbling phrases, was proof enough towards how much he already trusted the other man.

Was it barely a handful of days ago when Shepard had stumbled upon his nondescript little shop, fumbling around for words to say, impossibly blue eyes always seeking Kaidan’s own? Was it crazy to think that he could have counted all of lashes dusting the other man’s cheek, when they stood unbelievably close to one another over a floured counter? Was this _thing_ inside his chest, warm and _whole_ , slowly filling the empty space inside of him?

It was a scary thing to feel, to _think_ , but that feeling was something Kaidan wanted to keep alive.

“I’m still trying to figure out how you did that.”

“Did what?”

“Make me spill my heart out to you even though I barely know you.”

“I’ve been told that I have that effect on people.” Shepard said with a smile.

Kaidan laughed, and yep, he was gone.

*

His watch screamed ‘ _way past closing time’_ and Shepard had a few more paper bags to carry back to base with him, full of pies and Danishes alike. Ashley watched them from the backroom door, a smile on her face, her thumb between her teeth. Kaidan grinned back at her, before turning to Shepard who shuffled on his feet.

“I should go.”

“You have a habit of saying that, I noticed.”

“Maybe I should trademark it then.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

They grinned at each other, missing Ashley’s soft sigh from behind them. Kaidan gestured towards the paper bags.

“Make sure at least one of them gets back to Garrus, or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“No promises. If the worst happens, I’m sure I could whip up some mac and cheese for him.”

Ashley’s sigh turned into a gasp, and Kaidan looked positively _scandalised_. What—

“—did you just say?” Ashley choked, clutching the doorframe for support, expression matching Kaidan’s.

Kaidan blinked rapidly at the man standing before him. Did he just say that? Did he just insult the two well decorated and highly trained pastry chef’s whose bakery he currently stood in? He wanted to join Ashley in her bid for the doorframe because _god,_ that was not okay.

Shepard swallowed. “What did I say?”

Ashley slapped her hands down onto the counter. “You fucking said ‘ _mac and cheese’_.”

“Please Shepard,” Kaidan asked gravely. “Don’t tell me that ‘ _mac and cheese’_ is the _only_ thing you know how to make.”

Shepard stayed silent, and Ashley cried out loud. “Oh my _God_ —“

“—this is unacceptable—”

“—w _hy_ God _, why—“_

“—this is not _seriously_ happening in my bakery right now—“

“—just, just _why?”_

“Uh guys?” Shepard offered, sounding almost afraid. “I’m in the _military_ so there’s not much time for waiting around for custard to set, if you catch my drift.” Shepard glanced between the two of them, his body itching to get through the door and away from whatever was happening in front of him.

Kaidan shook his head, eyes hidden behind his palm. “Just when I thought you were one of the good ones, Shepard.”

The marine blinked. “Wait, you thought—“

“You know what this means, Boss-man?”

Kaidan nodded once at Ashley, before turning back to Shepard and taking delight at the adorably confused expression on his face. “This means private lessons!”

Ashley nodded enthusiastically before her eyes widened comically. “Yep, private lessons— _wait_ , what did you say?”

Kaidan ignored her, placing a hand on Shepard’s shoulder in an echo of his touch from those stolen minutes before, and grinned. Shepard returned the gesture, as though unsure of what to do.

“Shepard,” Kaidan said confidently. “You’re coming back after closing hours tomorrow for private lessons in the art of baking!”

“Fuck, am I chopped liver?” Ashley frowned, though her mouth twisted into a smile.

He ignored her. “What do you say?”

Shepard looked at Ashley, and then Kaidan before his familiar crooked smile crossed his lips. Kaidan felt the blood rush to his face, as well as other places. He loved his apron more than anything in that moment.

“Sounds like a plan, Kaidan. I’ll see you then.”

He left the bakery, the bell chiming as the door shut. Kaidan took a deep breath and—

“Holy shit.”

“I know.”

“ _Holy shit.”_

_“_ I _know.”_

“Did you just—“

“Yes.”

“And he just—“

“Looks that way.”

Ashley placed a hand on her forehead and let out a breath. “Can you at least sanitise the surfaces after you guys are through?”

Kaidan gaped at her. “ _Ashley_.”

“I mean, who knows what the hell you guys are going to get up to!”

“ _Ashley_.”

“You know, when I told you to go for it Kaidan, I never expected _this_.”

“ _Ashley it’s not—“_

“So, are you going to teach him how to handle éclairs? How to correctly hold one in his hands? Make sure the custard doesn’t trickle down his wrist?”

Christ, any _more_ euphemisms? Ashley gave him a shit-eating grin as Kaidan threw his apron at her. She caught it with practiced ease and laughed all the way to the kitchen. Then she paused, and turned back to Kaidan with a soft look on her features.

For a moment, Kaidan thought that he could easily fall in love with her; the way wisps of dark hair from her bun fell around her face, the soft lighting of the shop casting easy shadows along her cheeks and—

Then Kaidan stopped that train of thought because _god no_ , it’s _Ashley_. Wow, no. Never. _No_. This was the woman who thought it would be positively _hilarious_ to draw phallic imagery on the back of his white shirt with runny ganache.

Without his knowledge.

He received a number of angry phone calls from outraged parents that afternoon. Also an offer of dinner, so it wasn’t all bad. In retrospect.

Besides, they had been _there_. They had done _that_. It... wasn’t something they wanted to talk about. Ever.

“Seriously Kaidan,” she said softly, fumbling with the apron strings. “If something happens tomorrow night, _anything_ , just… take the opportunity and go with it, okay?”

Kaidan looked back at the door without saying anything. Her footsteps echoed after a few moments and before long, he was alone in the room. Shepard had already disappeared well into the Vancouver evening, and Kaidan tried to contain the anticipation that was building in his chest.

Tomorrow night couldn’t come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I _tried_ not to drag the angst out because that's for... well, you'll all find out! Also, can I just talk about how Ashley and Garrus should be a thing that is done more often? I seriously blame Jo for that because back when we were planning this fic out she was all 'OH I MADE GARRUS HAVE A CRUSH ON ASHLEY IS THAT OKAY' and 'HELL YES I WILL DO MORE THINGS BETWEEN THEM' and look at how that turned out.
> 
> Anyway, I think that it's safe to say that things get a little, uh, heated between Shepard and Kaidan in the next chapter. Seriously, the oven is a hot place ;) - Francine (januarys)


	5. Tarragon Bread

Shepard approached the bakery after hours, darkness already fallen on the city.  The lights were still on, but the blinds pulled closed.  He hesitated.  Was Kaidan closing up?  Had he forgotten?  Had he been joking, and Shepard accidentally took him seriously? 

He knocked on the door lightly.  Maybe Kaidan wouldn’t hear, if he wasn’t listening for it… 

Hurried scuffling sounds came from inside the bakery, and then the door swung open.  Shepard blinked in the sudden brightness. 

“Hey!  You, uh.  You came.”  Kaidan was fidgeting with the top edge of his apron. 

“Yeah.  I mean, of course.  Unless you were kidding, in which case this is kind of awkward and I can just – ” 

“No, no, I wasn’t kidding.  Come in.” 

Kaidan locked the door behind him, and then moved towards the back of the store.  Shepard hesitated.  Should he follow?  Wait for Kaidan to tell him what to – 

“You coming?” 

Oh. 

“Yeah.”  Great vocabulary, Shepard.  Show off that military intelligence. 

A workstation in the back was already laid out with a dizzying array of supplies.  Shepard eyed them skeptically. 

“We’re starting with the basics.  Bread.”  Kaidan clapped his hands briskly. 

Shepard regarded the ingredients warily.  “I… did not know you needed this much to make bread.” 

“Well, we’re not making _plain_ bread.  I can show you the base, but I figured while we were at it we might as well do something fun.” 

“…fun.” 

Kaidan grinned at him.  “Okay, the basics.  Flour, water, salt, yeast.  That’s it.” 

“It seems like it should be more complicated.”

“See, everyone thinks that.  But it’s not.  Here, let me get you an apron.”  He opened a cabinet and pawed through it for a moment, before groaning in annoyance. 

Shepard could just hear him mutter under his breath, “Screw you too, Ash.” 

He cleared his throat.  “Uh.  Everything okay?’ 

When Kaidan turned around, he was holding some bunched-up fabric in his hands.  Some very, very pink fabric.  He sighed dramatically. 

“It seems that all of our extra aprons have gone missing… except for this one.  Here, you can have mine.”  Shepard suddenly found himself with an armful of apron as Kaidan, rolling his eyes, tied the neon pink monstrosity around his own waist. 

He was still frozen in place when Kaidan finished, and felt himself blush horribly when Kaidan quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“Never put on an apron before?  Allow me.”  The flirtatious smile (at least, he _thought_ it was flirtatious, because wasn’t that what they were doing? flirting? and if not, oh man, get him out of here) that followed made Shepard feel a little less self-conscious.  Kaidan shook out the apron, found the strings, and before Shepard realized what was happening Kaidan was right up against him, close enough that he could smell rich breadiness, earthy steak, sweet exotic spices… 

He went dizzy for just a moment, so much so that he had to close his eyes to ground himself.  He felt Kaidan’s arms circle his waist and knot the apron behind him; their eyes met for a moment when Kaidan pulled away and for a fleeting, crazy instant Shepard thought he might lean forward and get a taste of those full lips he’d been dreaming about – 

Then Kaidan was gone, rummaging through a drawer. 

“Here – ”  He tossed a measuring cup at Shepard, whose reflexes were _just_ fast enough that he managed to fumble-catch it.  “A lot of people rely on kitchen scales to get the right amounts.  But if you learn what feels right, what proportions are required for what kinds of food, you don’t need them.  A little more than four of those should do us for one loaf.” 

“O…kay.”  Shepard tried not to let his concern show.  He was fairly certain he’d mess something up, despite Kaidan’s reassurances, but he went ahead and dumped the flour into the bowl Kaidan indicated. 

“So.”  Kaidan added salt and yeast to the flour.  “Keep them separate until you add water – the salt messes with the yeast’s activation.”  Shepard nodded, even though he was never going to remember this.  The sinking feeling in his stomach just made him feel like he was going to be tested later. 

“…you, uh, mentioned something last time, about not having a choice in joining the military?”  Kaidan regarded the ingredients laid out on the counter.  “How do you feel about nuts?  Maybe chopped almonds, some mixed seeds, maybe some tarragon?” 

“Uh.  Sure?  I’m not allergic to anything as far as I know, so…”

“Good.”  Kaidan threw several handfuls of ingredients into the bowl, stirred them briefly with his hand, and then poured water on top of them.  He handed a spoon to Shepard.  “Here, stir until the water’s mostly incorporated.” 

It was as if Kaidan was trying to make him forget the first question he’d asked.  But with the way he was still watching Shepard carefully out of the corner of his eye, that was obviously not the case. 

“Yeah, okay.  And… yeah.  It’s… a long story.” 

“We have time, and, well.  You seem plenty interesting to me.”  The echo of his own words brought a blush to Shepard’s face, but he nodded. 

“I guess I should start at the beginning.” 

“If you want.”  Kaidan nudged him a little.  “By the way, we can start kneading that now.”  He scraped bits of dough off the spoon and tossed it into the sink with a clatter, and then took Shepard’s place in front of the dough. 

“This is how I do it – heel of your hand, mostly, knead and flip, keep it rotating so you don’t end up kneading the same place.” 

“It looks really sticky.”  Shepard watched as the dough clung to Kaidan’s hands. 

“It is, a bit.  But I don’t like to add too much flour as I knead – some people do, but it can really dry out the dough.  It’ll get less sticky, you’ll see.  Give it a shot.” 

So, he did.  It was awkward at first, but he tried to mimic Kaidan’s movements, and with gentle direction and the occasional murmured _good_ from the baker – that sent blood rushing to all sorts of interesting places – he was able to settle into an even rhythm. 

“Okay, well.  The beginning.” 

Kaidan watched him silently, and he felt his heart do a sudden quickstep. 

“I don’t know who my parents are.” He didn’t look at Kaidan while he talked.  “I mean, I sort of know what my mother looked like.  I think she was a prostitute, or a druggie, or both.  I have vague memories of her face, but… well, she abandoned me on a streetcorner in Toronto when I was a kid.” 

“ _What_?” Kaidan’s eyes were wide, but Shepard couldn’t tell with what emotion. 

“She just…” He shrugged, a little uncomfortable at the attention, and focused his gaze on kneading the bread in front of him.  “She told me to wait there while she went and ran some errands.  I waited.  She… never came back.”

“Shepard,” Kaidan breathed, and moved closer to rest his hand on the small of Shepard’s back, and suddenly his stabbing self-consciousness was soothed over a bit.  “Shepard, fuck, that’s awful.” 

He shrugged again, the movement not quite working since he was still kneading.  “I was probably about 5 or 6.” 

“Probably?” 

“I… don’t actually know when my birthday is.  I picked a date that seemed close enough when I enlisted.” 

“How did you… stop me at any time here, I mean it, if I cross any kind of line at all – but how did you even survive?”

“Some other street kids found me.  I fought back when they tried to mug me, so they took me in.  We ran together for years.  Eventually got old enough to join one of the ‘grown-up’ gangs.  They take pretty good care of their own.” 

There was a long pause.  A very long pause. and then Kaidan spoke.  “…wow.  Um.  Shepard, I think… I mean, you…” 

Shepard stopped kneading, something small and precious inside him fracturing sharply.  Yeah, that was about the reaction he’d expected.  “Can I wash my hands off somewhere?  I can go.  Thanks for, well, you know.  Everything.” 

Kaidan blinked and stared at him.  “Wait, what?” 

“You probably don’t want an ex-gang member in your bakery.  Bad for business, you know.” 

“ _What_?” 

“You’re saying that a lot.”  Shepard moved towards the sink to wash off the dough. 

“I’m saying it a lot because you’re not making sense, Shepard, _stop_.”  Shepard suddenly found himself headed off, Kaidan standing between him and the sink. 

“I don’t want you to go.  I don’t know what kind of jerks have reacted that way to you before, but that’s not me.” 

The broken pieces in his gut got stuck, twisted, weighed heavily and made his mouth dry.  He swallowed. 

“That’s… really?” 

Kaidan hugged him, abruptly, tightly, and they breathed out together.  Then he was released just as suddenly, and Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck but held Shepard’s eyes. 

“Yes, really.  I… I was going to say that I think you’re, uh, kind of amazing for going through that.  And that you must have been incredibly strong.  Even as a kid.” 

They stared at each other for a moment.  Shepard had to look away first to hide the smile that was threatening to break across his face and embarrass him even more than he already was. 

“And… now I want you to get yourself back to that bread and keep kneading.  And I want you to tell me the rest of your story.  But, I mean, only if _you_ want to.”  Kaidan offered him a small smile. 

“Yeah, okay.”  He found himself able to return the smile, and went back to the dough, working in silence for a few more minutes.  And then he spoke again.  Or… it might be more accurate to say that words sort of spilled out of his mouth without his consent, but it amounted to the same thing.  If anything would make Kaidan kick him out, he wanted to know now, before he got any more invested. 

“I got involved in some bad stuff.  Drugs, mostly.  Cocaine.  Ran it and… used it.” 

He didn’t want to look up to see Kaidan’s reaction – pity, or disgust, or anything in between.  He’d worked through it all on his own, and he was scared that any reaction he got from Kaidan would bring it all crashing back down.  Instead, he focused on working over the dough.  It was getting smooth under his hands, the nuts and seeds adding a gentle massaging sensation as he kneaded, and Kaidan had been right – the stickiness had gone away, leaving it elastic and cool and pleasantly heavy. 

“You got out.” 

That did make him look up.  Kaidan was standing there, arms crossed, looking completely serious despite his pink apron – not pitying.  Not disgusted.  Serious, and maybe even a little… awed?  That couldn’t be the right word.  He bit his lip and tried to hold Kaidan’s gaze.  It was harder than he thought it would be. 

“I got out.”

Kaidan glanced down at the dough.  “That’s probably about done.  Here, it’ll need to rise for a bit.”  He splashed some olive oil on the dough, rolled it to get all the sides, and draped a kitchen towel over the bowl.  Shepard washed his hands, and Kaidan followed, scrubbing at the olive oil on his fingers. 

When he was done, he gestured Shepard over to where they had sat the day before. 

“How?” 

Despite the break in conversation, he didn’t need to ask for clarification. 

“I… used to do errands for this cop, Bailey.  Gave him intel on the other gangs, he went a little easier on our guys, especially the younger ones like me.  When I was around sixteen, he told me I should consider enlisting, get away from the gangs.  I hadn’t even thought of the military as an option.  It’d never crossed my mind.” 

“So you left?  Just like that?” 

“Not… really.” He smiled tightly.  “Some other members caught wind that I was leaving.  Didn’t like it.  Once a Red, always a Red, they told me.” 

“So what happened?”  Kaidan was leaning forward in his chair, worry all over his features.  Shepard was suddenly struck with warmth.  This man he barely knew, this _amazing_ man who’d gone through so much, saw something in him that was worth caring about.  Even over shit that had happened a decade ago, he saw something that deserved his worry. 

“I was supposed to meet Bailey and his military contact.  A group of the guys stopped me, beat me halfway to death.”  He rolled his shoulders, not a shrug, just trying to brush off the memory.  “Maybe more than halfway.  But Bailey knew the deal, expected there might be trouble, so when I didn’t show, they came down to the Reds’ turf.  Found me in an alleyway.  Probably saved my life.” 

“Fucking hell.” 

“…yeah.  They took me to the nearest hospital and as soon as I was out I enlisted.  And here I am.” 

“Here you are.” 

“So.  There you have it.  My life story.” 

“I… thank you, Shepard.  For telling me.  For _trusting_ me.” 

“Thank _you_ , for…” He didn’t even want to say it, _for letting me stay_ , that fear still lurking like Kaidan would kick him out if he planted the idea in his head.  So he just trailed off, and Kaidan didn’t ask. 

There was another long pause, but it felt less uncomfortable.  More… accepting.  Shepard felt like he could breathe a little easier. 

Kaidan broke the silence first. 

“Well, I think this calls for some cupcakes.” 

Shepard blinked at him. 

“Some – sorry, what?” 

Kaidan grinned, and his stomach flip-flopped. 

“Cupcakes.  And maybe a beer, if you’re up for it?” 

“Do cupcakes… really go with beer?” 

Kaidan’s grin widened, a hint of smugness showing through. 

“They do with these cupcakes.  For once it was _my_ idea – adding beer to the chocolate cinnamon cupcake batter.  Took a few tries to get it right, but damn, once Ashley hit that sweet spot, she _hit_ it, you know?  They’re a hidden gem here.”  As Kaidan spoke, he moved towards one of the refrigerator units, pulling out a tray with delicately-frosted confections in one hand and snagging two beer bottles with his other. 

He slid a bottle across the table to Shepard, and gently set down the tray between them.  Well, the cupcakes certainly _looked_ good.  And smelled good… he reached out to pick one up, and examined it carefully before sticking his tongue out to take a tentative lick of the frosting. 

“ _Mmmm_.”  The noise was out before he could stop it, and he met Kaidan’s wide-eyed, slack-jawed gaze, fairly certain that his cheeks were about to catch on fire.  Damn it, it wasn’t his fault he’d never tasted food this good before.  He ducked his head and pulled away the wrapper on the cupcake, sheepishly taking a bite and stomping firmly on his impulse to moan again around the chocolatey, slightly bitter and yeasty dessert. 

Kaidan was still staring at him, so he cleared his throat once he’d managed to swallow his mouthful. 

“Uh.  Hi?” 

“There’s… frosting, on your, uh…”  Kaidan pointed faintly at his lip and Shepard darted his tongue out without thinking, trying to swipe the chocolate away. 

A small strangled noise came from across the table.  Kaidan’s cheeks were starting to rival his own in redness, which maybe should have made him feel better, but instead only made him blush harder. 

Well, this was nice, two grown men blushing like schoolgirls at each other. 

Shepard cast about for something to say, and settled on, “These are really good.”

It seemed to do the trick.  Kaidan blinked and nodded, taking a swig of his beer.  “I told you.  Ashley always downplays them, but I’ll tell her you liked them.”

They sat in companionable silence, eating their cupcakes.  As Kaidan licked the crumbs of his from his fingers (and whose turn was it to stare, now, watching that tongue caress each digit like… oh, that wasn’t _fair_ ), he stood, walking back to their bread dough, and peeked under the towel. 

“Yep, that’s ready.  Here, have a look.” 

Shepard stuffed the last bit of cupcake in his mouth and washed it down with his quickly-warming beer.  He joined Kaidan at the counter and looked at the contents of the bowl.  It had nearly doubled in size, the add-ins creating little pockmarks in the surface of the otherwise smooth dough. 

“Okay, so now we punch it down.” 

He looked at Kaidan skeptically.  “Punch it?” 

“Yeah.  Go ahead.” 

He looked at the poufed mass of dough in the metal bowl.  Well, if Kaidan said so… he pulled back his fist, rotated his body back for more momentum, and – 

“ _Whoa_ , whoa, hold it!”  Kaidan quickly grabbed Shepard’s wrist to stop him, voice full of laughter.  Shepard met his gaze with wide eyes. 

“Did I – do something wrong?” 

“Uh, I guess I should clarify.  _Gently_ punch down the dough?” 

Shepard felt his ears reddening, and looked away in shame, lowering his arm.  _Obviously_.  Trust him to go for the most violent explanation first.  Kaidan was kind, and seemed like he might be willing to overlook his past, but moments like this kept popping up to remind him just how different his childhood had been.  Maybe if he’d grown up like the other kids – in a home, with a mom or dad who could have taught him to punch dough before he learned to punch people… 

“…hey, earth to Shepard?” 

He blinked quickly, refocusing on Kaidan.  The other man’s eyes were searching his face, crease between his eyebrows that Shepard already knew meant he was concerned. 

“Did I say something?” 

“No, it’s fine.”  Shepard shook his head but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.  When Kaidan offered a small comforting smile in return – that seemed to demonstrate more understanding than he let on – Shepard’s own smile felt a little less forced.  And then he noticed Kaidan’s fingers had moved from his wrist to his hand, thumbs gently stroking along his knuckles, waiting patiently for him to come back from wherever his head had taken him. 

Shepard slowly unclenched his fist, and the pads of Kaidan’s fingers – intentionally or not – brushed his palm as they withdrew. 

“Let’s try that again.” 

Shepard lightly hit the dough with his fist, and it deflated.  Kaidan had produced a baking stone from somewhere, and was dusting it with flour. 

“Now, just form that into a loaf-shape and set it here, and we’re good to go.” 

He did his best – the loaf was a bit wonky looking, but it seemed to be roughly in the right shape.  And the smile Kaidan gave him when he’d set the thing down, full of praise and just for him, made him feel like he’d just shaped the best loaf of bread Vancouver had ever seen. 

Shepard opened the oven door for Kaidan to slide the stone in, and that’s when he noticed. 

“Kaidan, you have, uh…” 

Kaidan raised an eyebrow inquisitively, glancing at Shepard out of the corner of his eye as he moved back to the sink to clean some of the bowls they’d dirtied. 

“I have a what?” 

“Um.  You’ve got some flour, right – ”  He started to gesture to Kaidan’s cheek, and then hesitated and changed course, gesturing to his own cheek to mirror where the line of flour was. 

“Oh.”  Kaidan reached up to wipe it off, but Shepard impulsively stopped him with a hand on his arm, swiping the fingers of his other hand through some flour left on the counter. 

“Hang on.”  He moved closer to Kaidan and drew a stripe down his other cheek, giving him matching warpaint streaks.  “There.” 

Kaidan stared at him, dumbfounded, for a moment, and Shepard suddenly worried that he’d gone too far.  But then Kaidan reacted, quicker than Shepard could blink, and he found himself with a smudge of flour on the tip of his nose, Kaidan stepping back with a triumphant smirk on his face. 

“Oh, _that’s_ how you wanna play this?”  Shepard grinned, feeling like a kid, only this was better than being a kid had _ever_ been for him.  He scooped up a small handful of flour and darted at Kaidan, grabbing the front of his shirt and depositing the flour in his gorgeous dark hair, sliding his fingers through the strands just for good measure (and maybe, _maybe_ because he really wanted to see what Kaidan looked like with messy hair). 

“You did _not_ just do that, the hair is off-limits!”  Kaidan flung a handful of flour into Shepard’s face and he coughed through his laughter, blindly reaching for the flour bag to retaliate.  Kaidan dodged the flour he threw, and charged at Shepard, looping an arm behind him to grab the back of his collar.  Shepard realized half a second too late what was going to happen, and a very undignified squeal escaped him as Kaidan dumped the flour down the back of his shirt.

“Now you’re just playing dirty.”  He lunged, intending to tackle Kaidan to the floor, but the dark-haired man was fast, sidestepping his attack and grabbing one of his arms instead – and then he suddenly found himself spun around and pinned against the warm oven, wrists held to the wall on either side of his head. 

Kaidan’s face was inches away from his.  Their bodies were pressed together, Kaidan using his hips to keep Shepard in place, and he wasn’t sure what was hotter – the industrial oven at his back or the solid heat radiating from Kaidan’s body against his front. 

Kaidan’s mouth quirked into a half-smile.  “Pretty embarrassing, Shepard,” he murmured, and Shepard could feel the words breathed onto his mouth, they were _so close_. 

“What – what’s embarrassing?” 

“A military man getting taken down by a poor, defenseless baker.”  From the predatory look on Kaidan’s face, Shepard was fairly sure that this particular baker was anything but defenseless. 

And _taken down_?  Please. 

Shepard hooked a leg behind one of Kaidan’s and smirked back.  “Now that _would_ be pretty embarrassing, Kaidan.  If it were true.”  He rolled, using his leg as leverage against Kaidan to throw him off-balance as he deftly reversed their positions, twisted his wrists free from Kaidan’s grip and slammed his own hands above his head firmly. 

Kaidan gasped a little, breath knocked out of him from the force of hitting the wall, and huffed a laugh. 

“Guess I should’ve known better.” 

Shepard was suddenly aware that his leg was pressed between Kaidan’s thighs.  It was muscle memory, really, keeping yourself poised to hit your enemy’s most vulnerable spot – and their aprons kept them a little more separated – but, well, it was still a _very_ interesting position. 

Kaidan seemed to realize the same thing.  His next exhalation was voiced, just slightly, the tiniest whimper that sent a shockwave of lust flashing down Shepard’s spine. 

“You know, Kaidan, the way this evening turned out… I’d almost think you planned for this to happen.” 

That incredible half-smile was back, only this time accompanied by half-lidded eyes and a curl of messy white-streaked hair falling over his forehead that made Shepard’s knees weak.  He may have been the one with Kaidan pinned to the wall, but if he was honest, Kaidan was totally in control here. 

“And what if I did plan it?” 

Time to take back a little power.  Shepard kept Kaidan’s wrists above his head with one big hand, and lowered his other to Kaidan’s face.  He brushed his thumb gently across Kaidan’s lower lip, leaving a faint streak of flour there.  Kaidan’s lips parted as Shepard moved closer, breathing his next words against the shell of his ear. 

“Bet you didn’t plan what comes next.” 

He felt Kaidan shudder against him, and then turn his head to the side, trying to meet Shepard’s eyes. 

“Why?  What comes –” 

Shepard’s lips were on his before he could finish his sentence, and Kaidan moaned, quiet and urgent, as they connected.  _Fuck_ but his mouth felt amazing.  Full soft lips opened under Shepard’s, and Kaidan’s tongue traced the corner of his mouth, encouraging a desperate groan from his throat as he kissed Kaidan harder. 

He let go of Kaidan’s wrists to slide a hand around the back of Kaidan’s neck, tangling his fingers in the man’s hair.  His other hand came to rest on Kaidan’s bicep as Kaidan’s hands dropped to his waist and pulled him impossibly closer, their hips grinding together, Kaidan arching off the wall to meet him. 

Little noises escaped from Kaidan as they kissed, hot and needy and hard, _so_ hard in every way.  Kaidan flipped them again, pushing himself away from the wall and turning but reaching behind Shepard and tugging hard at his apron strings first.  He blindly threw the apron to the side and crowded Shepard back against the oven as his fingers slid up under the thin fabric of Shepard’s grey shirt; Shepard retaliated quickly, yanking off the pink disaster of an apron Kaidan was wearing and tossing it to the floor before pulling Kaidan close and pushing his leg between the other man’s again, letting Kaidan grind down onto his thigh, gasping and clutching at the collar of his shirt, lips trailing fire down Shepard’s jaw and teeth chasing his pulse along his neck. 

Shepard couldn’t stop himself, needing to touch Kaidan – feeling like the floodgates had been opened and he had to have _everything_ , right _now_ , or else he might lose it forever.  He slid his hands behind Kaidan to cup his ass and hold him close, the gesture at once sexual and sweet, his thumbs hooking into his back pockets.  Kaidan moaned into his neck, rocking his hips faster, and he shivered. 

“ _God_ , Kaidan…”

His voice broke the spell.  Kaidan stumbled backwards, panting for breath, until he’d backed into the counter where they’d been working. 

“Shepard, I – okay.  Okay.”  He inhaled slowly, and exhaled slowly.  “Look, I don’t – this is great.  This is great, and you’re great, and I can’t even – I want to keep doing, uh.  That.”  He laughed nervously and ran his hand through his hair, causing a little puff of flour dust to explode gently around his head.  “It’s just, I’m not really the kind of guy who, you know, invites someone who is practically a stranger, and okay, a really _sexy_ stranger, and yeah, a stranger that I happened to tell some of my deepest secrets to after only a few days, but – but none of that is the point.  The point is that I’m not really the kind of guy to, you know, do… that kind of stuff with someone until I really feel like I know them.” 

Shepard felt like a tool.  Sex was… not important, really, to him.  His gang had been pretty incestuous, but it was natural, a group of kids in their early teens, learning about what bodies could do with people they knew were safe.  It wasn’t emotional, it just felt good. 

He should have thought about Kaidan, and about how much something like this would mean. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.  I… I wasn’t thinking.  I didn’t mean it like – I mean, _you_ mean a lot to me, and I know we only just met but, well.  I don’t exactly tell my life story to everyone right away, either.” 

Kaidan looked at him, eyes soft.  “I know.” 

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Kaidan, I swear.  Maybe – maybe I should – ” 

A quiet throaty chuckle interrupted him. 

“Shepard, if you say ‘I should go,’ I will dump that entire bag of flour over your head.” 

He grinned, embarrassed.  “Okay.  But I really am – ” 

“No, listen.”  Kaidan moved closer to him again, and reached out to brush his index finger across Shepard’s wrist.  “I’m not saying… that I don’t ever want to do this.  Because I do.  I just need to take it slow.” 

“I can do that.” 

“Good.” 

Kaidan was right up in his personal space again.  Shepard tilted his chin forward slightly, angling for a kiss, but before their lips touched he whispered, “May I?” 

He felt Kaidan’s smile against his mouth. 

“Always, Shepard.” 

They kissed, softer and sweeter, and Shepard tried not to think about just how much – or how little – time they would have to _take it slow_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayyyyy flour fights! (to the person who commented on the last chapter that you were hoping there would be flour fights, you can obviously see the future.)
> 
> and there is actual LEGIT SMUT in the next chapter and you guys should all be crazy excited because i convinced francine that she should write smut and DAMN but she is great at it. :D
> 
> <3 jo.
> 
> *
> 
> THIS CHAPTER THOUGH don't you all want to just roll around in it seriously guys EVERYTHING ABOUT IT - Francine <3333


	6. Chocolate & Orange Truffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard reads Tennyson, Ashley doesn't clean the oven, and Kaidan finds out just how talented Shepard's mouth really is. _Sometimes he wished he owned something normal, like a café. Maybe he would have the best steak sandwiches in all of Vancouver, as opposed to the best steak pie. Except Shepard probably would have followed his nose again, and Kaidan would still end up in the same position he was in. Because Shepard did things like that._
> 
> WARNING: Have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?

Kaidan knew that running away with his thoughts would come back to haunt him.

It seemed like that day had come.

 _“God,_ and you would not believe what Mark tried to do to her!”

“Hm?”

“It’s like the pervert forgot that I was chaperoning the damn date!”

“Right.”

“So I was just sitting a few rows back enjoying the movie, then I turn my eye and _boom_! He’s trying to eat Sarah’s face!”

“Huh.”

“I know! The worst part was that Sar was trying to eat him back and _seriously,_ I love my sister to pieces but she does _not_ know how to kiss.”

“Ah.”

“…I bet that Shepard knows how to kiss.”

“Yeah, he does.”

Ashley’s face lit up, her eyes sparkling, and she abandoned her post at the muffin stand in a rush. The small tower of blueberry muffins wobbled dangerously on their perch as she gripped Kaidan’s bicep with enough pressure to cut circulation.

“Wait—“ Kaidan began.

“Aha! I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I _fucking_ knew it! I knew it the second I saw that dreamy expression in your eyes, Kaidan.” Ashley said quickly, bouncing with excitement.

He was admittedly only half listening to the conversation, the other half of his attention divided between sorting the macarons onto trays and thinking about the previous night because _God_ , it was impossible not to think about _that_.

Okay, so maybe he had hoped that something would happen in those stolen hours in his empty shop. What _had_ ended up happening was definitely _not_ what he expected.

Kaidan didn’t expect to have Shepard’s strong hands pinning him down, Shepard’s crooked smirk so desperately close, then _God_. Shepard’s gorgeous mouth claiming every part of his own, the soft sounds that still vibrated against Kaidan’s tongue, Shepard’s hands seemingly everywhere at once, and Shepard’s talented tongue in conjunction with his teeth doing that _thing_ to his neck—

Kaidan cleared his throat. “Ashley—“

“I want to know everything. Every single detail.” She demanded. “What was he like? Because _man_ , the mouth on that guy—“

“Ashley—“

“Also, you didn’t clean up the fucking _flour_ that was all over the oven so I kind of figured—“

“ _Ashley—_ there was flour on the oven?” Kaidan bit his lip.

Her mouth twisted into a smirk. “There were handprints everywhere, Kaidan.”

“Shit.” He ran a hand through his hair, the tight curls mussed beneath his fingertips. He had been a _little_ distracted after that first kiss, so desperate and full of _need._

Then the second kiss and third kiss before it all melted into one and, _well_.

But really? It was Shepard’s tentative approach afterward, fumbling hands interlocking their fingers and a smile into their clinch was all Kaidan could think about. He remembered the soft touch of Shepard’s lips, the way he mumbled ‘ _always_ ’ like an echo between stolen kisses.

Yep, _definitely_ distracted.

“I didn’t clean it by the way,” Ashley continued, oblivious to what was going on in Kaidan’s head. “So the evidence is still there. But seriously, _tell me_.”

Kaidan scoffed, turning back to the macarons. “No.”

“Tell me.”

“ _No_.”

“Kaidan, I’m not sure you understand my situation.” Her voice rose slightly, and Kaidan frowned. “I _need_ you to tell me everything.”

“Why the hell for?”

“Okay don’t freak out, even though I knew you will.” She took a breath. “Joker and I—“

A macaron slipped from his fingers and onto the ground, the delicate shell shattering over the tiles.

“—are running a bet to see which of you makes the first move _okaydon’tfreakout_.”

For _fuck’s_ sake.

Ignoring the combination of shell and filling beneath his shoes, Kaidan stepped closer to Ashley who decidedly stepped back. Somebody up there seriously had something against him. Or at least Joker did. He wouldn’t be surprised if there was a forum dedicated to his love life, slowly building views in a dark corner of the internet.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“No,” she said, toying at a broken macaron shell. “and that’s why I need you to tell me _every single little thing_ that happened that way I can either gloat in his face or reluctantly hand over this week’s pay check.”

“Oh, you’re getting a pay check this week?”

Ashley narrowed her eyes. “ _Not funny_. Tell me.”

“I’m not telling you anything _,_ especially after you told me _that_.” He jutted out his lower lip. “Is that all I am to you, Ashley? Nothing more than a show pony?”

“You’re more like a damn golden retriever Kaidan, and I _swear_ to _God_ if you don’t—“

“Don’t what?”

Another voice cut between their banter and Kaidan spun around to see Shepard leaning against the half-full glass display, an amused grin on his face and his brilliant eyes focused on Kaidan. Completely at ease with his surroundings. Kaidan felt a similar grin cross his face as the previous night replayed in his mind.

Again.

“Shepard!” Ashley exclaimed with barely concealed enthusiasm, beating Kaidan to the punch. She mirrored his stance from behind the display counter; arms crossed on top of the glass, and a grin too wide on her face to be considered subtle. Shepard pulled his eyes from Kaidan to look at Ashley, and Kaidan tried to regulate his breathing.

Damn, how the _hell_ did he do that?

“Ash. So, what don’t you want Kaidan to do?”

“To _not_ tell me about what happened here last night.”

“Well, I suppose _I_ could tell you.”

Kaidan spluttered. “Shepard, wait—“

“Would you really?” Ashley’s eyes lit up as Shepard shrugged nonchalantly.

“One condition though.”

“I’ll do anything except take my shirt off. My breasts and I have standards, Shepard.”

“No shirts are being taken off, Ash. Promise.” Shepard’s eyes flitted to Kaidan, and Kaidan desperately tried to forget about _his_ hands underneath _Shepard’s_ shirt, fingers tracing unseen scars and stories untold.

“Okay. Here it is,” Shepard smirked. “Be nice to Garrus.”

Ashley jerked back from the counter, a distasteful expression on her face. Kaidan desperately wished he had a camera.

“I’ll also do anything but _that_.”

“Why?” Shepard frowned but the smirk stayed on his face. “He hasn’t done anything to you, right? He’d tell me otherwise.”

“I’m not being nice to that _mammal_.”

“You’re technically a mammal too, Ash.” Kaidan interjected.

She raised a finger at him and Kaidan closed his mouth. It was probably better for him to stand back and watch the proceedings rather than risk injury. He leaned against the wall and watched the two of them continue though his eyes focused longer on Shepard, what with the way his bright eyes sparkled with amusement as he relaxed further into the glass.

 _Damn_.

Ashley narrowed her eyes, jabbing her finger at Shepard. “It’s not going to happen, Shepard. He’s so… _smooth_.”

“And how is _smooth_ a bad thing?”

“Uh, maybe from the fact that he fucking waltzes right in here like he _owns_ the goddamn place and starts mouthing off inappropriate things in front of the customers? A majority of whom are children?”

“It’s just who he is! I don’t even see why you’re complaining, _I’m_ the one who has to bunk with him at night.”

“Hey, if that’s what you’re into then _by all means_. I’m all for Kaidan exploring his kinks—“

“ _Ashley_.” Kaidan choked.

“—but I’m _not_ going to ‘be nice’ to _Vakarian_. No way. End of story.”

Ashley nodded with finality, a triumphant look on her face. Shepard heaved an overly-exasperated sigh and pushed himself off the counter, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Then… you don’t find out what happened last night.”

Kaidan chuckled as Ashley looked between the both of them, scrunching her nose with distaste, before throwing her hands in the air in defeat. Shepard chuckled, and the sound went straight to Kaidan’s belly, butterflies beating around his insides.

“You know what? Fine, _fine_ ,” Ashley picked up the muffin stand and whirled around to the kitchen. “I don’t want to find out what happened _anyway_.” She marched out of sight, a few muffins falling to the ground behind her, and Kaidan groaned at the sight of his destroyed profits.

“You’re baking another batch of those, Williams!”

“ _Don’t ‘Williams’ me, Alenko!”_

“That’s ‘ _Boss_ ’ to you!”

“ _Start acting like one,_ then _we’ll talk.”_

Shepard’s throaty chuckle came from behind him, and Kaidan turned around to see him standing across the counter, hands gripping the edge, and his lopsided grin on his face.

The warmth from inside of the bakery settled beneath his skin, and joined with the warmth that blossomed from seeing Shepard, trademark hoodie and bright blue eyes. Kaidan matched his grin, obviously not as lopsided, before taking a small step towards the counter.

*

“Well, hey.”

“Hi there.”

“Long time, no see.”

Shepard huffed, ducking his head from Kaidan’s gaze. “If _you_ call six hours a long time, then yeah. _Really_ long.”

“I count everything in seconds, though. Twenty one thousand and six hundred seconds to be exact.”

“Ah, so it’s been an _extensive_ amount of time.”

“If _you_ want to get smart about it.” Kaidan’s mouth tugged at the corner.

“Something about you _makes_ me want to be smart.”

“Well, maybe some of my smarts rubbed off on you last night.”

“Hell,” Shepard muttered. “It wasn’t the only thing that did.”

“ _Oh my God_ ,” Ashley’s voice floated out from the kitchen, and the sound of a tray being slammed against a counter echoed afterwards. “ _I want to throw up from how disgusting the both of you are being.”_

Kaidan ignored Ashley and mirrored Shepard’s position from across the counter. The warm lighting cast soft shadows along his face, and Kaidan allowed his eyes to roam along every line, angle, and contour.

The smell of pastries mingled with Shepard’s scent, warm and faintly musky, and if Kaidan decided to ever create a new baked good to sell, well, it would probably smell something like that. He didn’t mind leaning in a little closer than the last time it had happened, when his fingers traced lines and patterns into a gritty counter and the warmth that radiated off of Shepard was something like a guilty pleasure.

Now though? It was just _pleasure_.

Kaidan could scarcely feel Shepard’s warm breath against his lips as Shepard exhaled softly, lips parted slightly. He had almost forgotten what it had been like to be so close to someone, enough so that he could almost taste it on his tongue.

Shepard leaned in closer, a hand coming to rest between them. “The bread was good.”

“Really?” Kaidan’s hand followed suit, fingers itching to dance along Shepard’s knuckles. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“A little disappointed we didn’t get around to doing anything else though.” Shepard twisted his wrist to link their fingers together, and Kaidan shivered from Shepard’s hardened fingertips as they traced the top of his hand softly.

“We were a _little_ distracted.”

“It was a pretty good distraction though, right?”

Kaidan could count Shepard’s lashes as they dusted his cheek, every individual hair that fanned out minutely against his warm skin. There was an almost-invisible scar lying on the cheekbone, and Kaidan wanted to trace it with his finger.

“Shepard, you’ve been distracting me ever since you first stepped foot into my bakery.”

“Those are _loaded_ words, Kaidan.”

“Oh, using my line on _me_?”

“If it worked on me, it’ll work on you.”

Another bang sounded from behind them. _“If the both of you don’t kiss within the next ten seconds, then I’m going to push your faces together!”_

They both laughed like a couple of idiots, before falling into silence. Shepard watched Kaidan for a moment, the grip on his hand tightening, and leaned in again.

Kaidan’s heart was in his throat. His head was saying something along the lines of ‘ _heart first, head last’_ , and Kaidan would have normally been inclined to agree with his head. His heart was another matter. Too often had he heard the words that he was a romantic, that he often threw caution to the wind and made rash decisions about the relationships he had encountered.

Shepard wasn’t the first to make him feel the way that he was feeling. There had been others, namely after Rahna and those hazy years following the… incident. It wasn’t enough for Kaidan, be it long term or one night stand. The connection often ran cold, and it was something Kaidan was used to.  

However, Shepard was the first one to make him feel like _this_. Warm. Just, warm. Comfortable, familiar within his skin.

Human?

Kaidan wasn’t sure. Not yet, anyway.

“Better not disappoint her then.” Shepard said softly. He closed the fine gap between them and a million things ran through Kaidan’s mind.

He focused on the details though, fine details that he would obviously stew over in the coming hours.

Like the fact that Shepard kept a firm lock on the hand, his thumb brushing Kaidan’s knuckles, and how his other hand came up behind Kaidan’s neck to angle his head differently. It was how Shepard tasted, the faint flavour of tarragon and seedlings, the warm taste of bread on his tongue.

Kaidan could still feel Shepard’s signature grin against his lips, the slight scratch of stubble against his cheek, and the soft sigh that escaped past Shepard’s lips.

Small, insignificant details. Kaidan loved every second of them.

They broke apart after a few moments, Shepard’s fingers carding through the hair at nape of Kaidan’s neck and their foreheads barely pressed together. Kaidan took a deep breath and tried to slow down his racing heart.

“Well.” Kaidan said.

Shepard huffed with feeling. “That should keep her happy for a little while.”

“Fuck yes!” Ashley came up behind them and prodded Kaidan on his bicep, her grin nothing short of goofy. Kaidan turned to frown at her, yet couldn’t help to match her grin. Damn.

Shepard pulled away from Kaidan, fingers slipping through the gaps and the warmth disappearing as they broke apart. Kaidan held back the sigh and followed suit, the delicate crunch beneath his shoe reminding him of his dirty floor and the fact that…

He had just kissed Shepard in plain sight of the shop entrance before the morning rush.

_Shit._

“Is he…?” Shepard said, frowning.

Ashley waved him off. “He probably realised that he just made out with someone in plain view of the customers.”

“That’s not a _bad_ thing, right?”

“As long as there are no customers around. Do you see any customers, Shepard?”

Shepard looked around the shop, noting the lack of customers. “Is this a trick question?”

“Nope.”

“Then no Ash, I don’t see any customers.”

Ashley nodded with approval before turning to Kaidan, who stood rooted to the spot. “About damn time you lived a little, Boss.”

Kaidan turned to face her, the blood rising to his face. Did she really have to say things like that with Shepard right in front of them? He shook himself out of his stupor and sidestepped her. Shepard chuckled as he watched their antics.

“Please don’t encourage her, Shepard.”

“Why not? Sometimes you need to grab life by the balls, Kaidan.”

“Shepard, you obviously mean _your_ balls.” Ashley interjected.

“ _Ashley_.”

Shepard’s face was serious. “Kaidan and I agreed last night that there would be no ball-grabbing until we’re ready, right?”

Kaidan froze, his stumbling request filtering its way through his mind again, before quickly relaxing back into his skin. “That’s one way of putting it, but yeah. That’s right.”

Ashley rolled her eyes. “You’re fucking with me. Exactly how G-rated did you two squares get last night?”

“Well, I wouldn’t use the dark counter near the oven until it’s been thoroughly sterilised.” Shepard paused, giving a furiously red Kaidan a mischievous wink. “If you catch my, uh, _drift_.”

Ashley honest-to-God _shrieked_ and she bolted back into the kitchen as though she were on fire. “You sick _bastards_ , my madeleines are resting there!”

“That’s what you get for not cleaning anything, Williams!” Kaidan muffled his laughter behind a hand.

“ _Don’t start!”_

Their amusement subsided after a few moments, and the two men grinned at each other. Kaidan toyed with a creamy paper bag underneath the counter while Shepard shuffled in his position, looking as though he had somewhere else to be.

He cleared his throat. “I should—“

“Go?” Kaidan smiled.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect you to come by again so soon.”

“Well,” Shepard appeared almost bashful. “I really wanted to see you again.”

Kaidan tried to figure out whether it was alright for someone to say something like _that_ and get away with it, before deciding that as long as it came from Shepard’s mouth then yes, it was alright. He placed some pies into the paper bag and handed them over, still not entirely sure how to respond to _that_ regardless.

“Garrus also wanted some pies, and since I was in the area...”

Kaidan chuckled. “I figured as much.” He looked around before lowering his voice. “I also get the feeling that he wants… _Ash_?”

Shepard flushed, looking towards the kitchen, before nodding. “He has a, uh, thing for her. He mentioned it a little while ago. Think you could put in a few good words for him?”

“I could.”

“But?”

“Sometimes you need to leave these things up to fate, Shepard.”

Shepard looked at him for a moment, eyes full of _something_ , before placing the bags down onto the counter and reaching over to hold Kaidan’s hand. He brushed his thumb along the knuckles, calloused fingers sending a small shiver down Kaidan’s arm.

Kaidan could definitely get used to that.

“So,” Shepard said softly. “I guess it was fate for me to get hopelessly lost the day I met you?”

Among the smell of the pastries, the macaron shell wedged into his shoes, Ashley groaning as she began to prepare a fresh batch of madeleines in the kitchen, and the warmth from Shepard’s hand as it seeped into his skin, Kaidan was surprised at how content he felt.

It was a feeling he hadn’t expected to feel for a while. Or ever again, really.

“Yeah,” He said softly. “I guess it was.”

*

There were times in the two weeks following that Kaidan often had to take a step back from grating the almond meal and simply _breathe_.

Once, he would have been a wreck of indecision regarding the new path he currently travelled, debating on which way to turn and which road to follow. It all came down to a few simple facts, however: Shepard himself had become a part of Kaidan’s daily routine, and Kaidan didn’t mind following the direction Shepard had taken him.

The marine had slotted into Kaidan’s mundane days, not taking up any unnecessary space while not leaving anything behind and when Kaidan tried to think about life before Shepard, he always came up blank.

Once upon a time, Kaidan’s unchanging days were simple. There was waking up, baking the daily profit, the mid-morning, lunchtime, and mid-afternoon rush, all while keeping a close eye on Ashley in the event that her shenanigans got her into trouble.

Again. For the umpteenth time.

His days were still exactly that but the only difference now was that Shepard was filling the gaps in between, like heavy cream between layered cakes.

His days revolved around _Shepard_.

There were days in those two weeks when Shepard would show face for barely ten minutes, bright eyed and a grouchy Garrus at his shoulder, and somehow those ten minutes were always enough. They shouldn’t have been but _Shepard_ made them enough. After a quick conversation, some scathing remarks between Ashley _and_ Garrus, they would leave with a small collection of pies, Danishes, and a phantom lingering on Kaidan’s cheek.

Other days would see the marine spending countless hours perched at a table in the corner of the shop front, with the pages of a thick novel being devoured as the seconds slipped away, and Shepard’s crooked grin successfully distracting Kaidan from his work.

(The baker had almost sold a nut loaf to a child with nut allergies and wasn’t _that_ phone conversation a good end to the day.)

Ashley hadn’t suppressed her enthusiasm one afternoon when Shepard walked in, a book of Tennyson tucked underneath his arm. She vaulted over the counter dramatically, almost taking a tray of croissants with her, and proceeded to discuss classical literature with the bemused marine for the rest of the afternoon.

Seeing the smile on her face as their collected eyes scanned the lines of poetry had been worth that fact that Kaidan had to deal with the mid-afternoon rush singlehandedly. When the shop had _finally_ cleared out, pastry wrappers and custard skid-marks all over his tiled floor, he couldn’t find it in himself to reprimand her for practically abandoning him in his time of need.

That was what Shepard did though; he came into the room and took up all the space inside of it. He did the same inside of Kaidan’s head, unfortunately.

*

His body ached and a migraine was building, but there were a few stolen seconds against Shepard’s lips when Ashley disappeared to the back room. Tennyson grasped in her fingertips and a slight shine in her warm eyes. Kaidan decided that it was _definitely_ worth it.

“She’ll be in a good mood for the rest of the week, y’know.” He mumbled against Shepard’s lips.

Shepard huffed, his fingers tracing along Kaidan’s jaw to grip the back of his neck. “Glad to hear it.”

He dragged his tongue slowly along Kaidan’s bottom lip, and Kaidan was extremely grateful that the bakery was empty because he couldn’t stop the small sound that came from his throat. Shepard pulled away from his lips, ran his nose along the arch of Kaidan’s cheekbone, and allowed his fingers to fall to Kaidan’s shoulder.

“Well,” Shepard said. “I can’t say _that_ was appropriate.”

“Shepard,” Kaidan scoffed. “There’s no one around and I’ve been waiting for you to do that all day.”

“Not my fault that Ashley has an affinity for the classics.”

Kaidan placed a hand on Shepard’s waist, fingers stroking the material of his shirt. “I still appreciate it. I haven’t seen her smile like that in a long time.”

“Not even when we kissed in _front_ of her?”

“No,” Kaidan admitted. “But it came pretty damn close.”

“Does this mean I’m in your good books now?” Shepard smirked, and Kaidan brought their foreheads together again.

“I’ve put you down in ink, so even if you didn’t want to be in there—“

“Hey, what makes you think I don’t?”

“The fact that we’re still talking and not making out _might_ be why.”

“I _do_ need to breathe, Kaidan.”

Kaidan tried to control the small pitch of excitement in his chest as his name passed Shepard’s lips. There was something about the way that Shepard said it, all confidence and no hesitation. It brought his heart rate up to a dangerous level, making Kaidan lose his breath because _god_ , Shepard was slowly driving him into the depths of insanity.

“Is that another story?” Shepard pulled away slightly; hand still on Kaidan’s shoulder. “Why Ash loves Tennyson? She _did_ smile because Ihad Tennyson.”

Kaidan frowned, deflecting the question. “She smiles around me!”

“Yeah, but not like _that_.”

“Now you’re trying to get a rise out of me.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow suggestively, his eyes heading down south. Kaidan simultaneously wished that he could think before he spoke as well as stop the rush of blood to his neck. He pulled his hand away and crossed his arms, ignoring Shepard’s chuckle.

“I didn’t mean it like _that_.” Kaidan said defiantly.

“Of course you didn’t.”

“You know I’m not like that, Shepard.”

“Definitely.”

“You’re messing with me again, aren’t you?”

“Pretty much.”

Kaidan shoved him and walked behind the counter with a grin on his face, Shepard’s footsteps following him. He began to wipe down the counter, making mental notes here and there to buy some more pastry wrappers by the weekend, before looking up to see an expectant Shepard leaning against the counter, lopsided grin on his face.

“Can I help you?” Kaidan muttered.

Shepard scoffed. “Well, I _am_ a customer.”

“Careful soldier,” Ashley walked out of the back room with a tray of éclair’s in her arms, bypassing Kaidan to put them in the bare display. “You’ll get fat if you keep on coming around.”

“Well,” Shepard met Kaidan’s eyes and a soft smile crossed his face. “I have a good reason for coming around, so it’ll be worth it.”

Kaidan ducked his head to hide the smile. He could relate to Shepard’s words, how it felt _right_ to see Shepard as he sat at the corner table, the weak Vancouver sunlight through the bakery window catching every eyelash, every crease, and every timid movement as he breathed in the warm surroundings.

“Speaking of coming around,” Ashley organised the éclairs in the display. “When are you coming back to bake something sweet with Boss-man?”

Shepard blinked. “Oh, you mean another private lesson?”

“If that’s what the kids call it these days,” Ashley smirked, nudging Kaidan with her elbow. “Then yeah.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “You’re sick.”

“Hey, if you had left my damn counter out of it then we wouldn’t be having this discussion!”

“It _was_ a pretty sturdy counter.” Shepard laughed.

“Children eat the things that come off that counter! Wait,” Ashley paused, “don’t reply to that.”

The two men laughed for a moment and Kaidan cleared his throat, a thread of anxiety building in his chest. “When are you free, Shepard?”

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck, appearing thoughtful for a moment. “What about tonight? I have to head back to base quickly just to check on a few things, namely Garrus,” Ashley scoffed. “But I’ll come back.” Shepard peered out the windows briefly. “If I leave now, I’ll probably be back before dark.”

Ashley clapped her hands together, and Kaidan started at the sound as it echoed through the near empty bakery. “That settles it! While you do that, the Boss and I will plan your descent into obesity.”

Shepard splayed a hand across his heart, a look of mock-gratitude on his face. “I’m glad you care so much.” He peered at his watch, his brow furrowing for a moment, before looking back at Kaidan. “Okay, I should go.”

“We need to find you a better exit line.”

“Why? That one suits me.”

“If you say so.”

“No one else has complained before.”

“I’m complaining now.”

“Is it really that bad—“

“Oh my _god_ , just go!” Ashley marched Shepard out of the bakery, laughing at the surprised expression on his face, and the bell rang through the shop as the late Vancouver afternoon highlighted his retreating form.

*

Kaidan was normally an expert at keeping his cool, but as the seconds dwindled away on the clock perched against the wall, he could feel the heat beginning to pick up. He scurried over to the fridge in the back and poked around, coming up empty handed because he wasn’t even sure what the _hell_ he was meant to be looking for.

Yep, he was freaking out.

Burying his face in his hands, he took a shuddering breath and tried to organise his thoughts. There was no reason for him to be losing it like that, to let the control slip through his fingers so easily. Shepard had already been around once before and while the end results had been satisfying, Kaidan was feeling as though there was a whole lot more riding on this evening than the last.

The part of Kaidan that needed to please every living soul that walked through the front door of his shop was wearing thin. If someone had sat him down and explained to him what would happen to him over the past few weeks, he would have probably laughed in their face.

The fact that it was _actually_ happening though, the fact that he had someone willing to wait around all day just so they could simply _talk_ for a few minutes—

Kaidan didn’t know what to do.

When he thought about Shepard, his heart began to hammer against his chest and he couldn’t control it. Kaidan couldn’t _control_ it. Much like how he couldn’t control returning the soft smiles Shepard sent him through the day, how he couldn’t control the urge to let his fingers linger against the skin on Shepard’s hands, his own flour coated knuckles contrasting the scarred flesh Kaidan was becoming familiar with.

Kaidan ran a hand through his hair, messing up the neat style in his anxiety. He _wanted_ to become familiar with everything about Shepard; he _wanted_ to know every story behind his scars, every secret he kept hidden away in the dark. _God_ , it was crazy for Kaidan to even be thinking like that.

Sometimes he wished he owned something normal, like a café. Maybe he would have the best steak sandwiches in all of Vancouver, as opposed to the best steak pie. Except Shepard probably would have followed his nose _again,_ and Kaidan would still end up in the same position he was in.

Because Shepard did things like that.

_Shit._

“Kaidan?”

Kaidan spun around to see Ashley at the door, a hint of worry in her face. She was the picture of an ideal pastry chef, hair tied neatly into a low knot and blindingly white apron tied around her waist. Kaidan envied her for a moment when he thought about the stained white shirt and scuffed shoes he wore.

“Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.”

He could see the guilt on her face as she walked over. “No, Ash. I was going to ask eventually…”

“But?”

“I...” Kaidan averted his gaze to the dwindling time on the wall. “Just wasn’t sure when.” He finished lamely.

A compassionate smile made its way onto Ashley’s lips and she placed a hand on his lower arm, squeezing it softly. Kaidan met her gaze once again and saw understanding in her eyes. Kaidan never could hide anything from her. She was as good at reading people as she was at piping black icing onto a stark white wedding cake. Which was _really_ good.

“You really like this guy, huh?”

Kaidan didn’t fight the heat rising in his face, and found he couldn’t even say anything even if he wanted to deny the question. He supposed he had been a little obvious with his infatuation but his mother _did_ always tell him that he was a romantic. It wasn’t something Kaidan wanted to argue about.

Ashley’s hand fell away from his arm and she strode over to the fridge, pulling out a few blocks of chocolate and some cream. Kaidan watched her as she placed the items onto a counter near the large industrial stove, before she disappeared into a small storage cupboard and came out brandishing a small bowl of oranges.

He could feel the warmth bubbling in his chest at the sight of her with the familiar ingredients she had gathered in her arms. It brought him back to those first few hours of their patisserie course, squabbling over Kaidan’s poor excuse for ganache and Ashley’s flippant example of criticism. He stood next to Ashley by the stove as she began to break the chocolate up; gesturing at the zester nestled in the bowl of brilliant oranges.

Picking up the tool, he ran it over the skin of the fruit and watched the curls fall onto the counter. It was strangely soothing.

“Kaidan,” Ashley said, placing a pot of water onto the heater and turning it up. “You don’t need to prove anything to Shepard.”

He huffed softly. “I’m not sure about that.”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” She placed a glass bowl on top of the now-boiling water, checking to see that the bottom of the bowl wasn’t touching it. “And I’m pretty sure you could serve him a lump of fucking coal and he’d _still_ be happy.”

“I’d _never_ serve anyone something like that.” How could she even suggest otherwise?

“My point _is,_ ” Ashley put the chocolate and cream into the bowl and nudged it with a wooden spatula. “That it’s your company he enjoys, Kaidan.” She motioned at him to add the orange zest into the mixture, and Kaidan obeyed. “You don’t need to worry about impressing him because Shepard was impressed the moment he laid those baby blues on you.”

Kaidan watched as she stirred the chocolate mixture, the scent of fresh orange rind and dark chocolate bringing water to the roof of his mouth and a whole wave of memories crashing back. With a satisfied hum, Ashley removed the bowl from the stove and continued stirring as she headed back over to the fridge.

“Just have fun tonight Boss,” She turned around to glare at him. “But stay the fuck away from my damn counter.”

There was a moment of silence before they burst out laughing together and the second the fridge door closed, Kaidan rushed over to Ashley and gathered the woman in his arms. Her laughter was muffled against his chest as she returned the gesture, arms slinking around Kaidan to grip him tight.

“Thanks, Ash.”

“Anytime.” She looked up at him, a bright smile on her face. “So, does this mean you’re going to tell me about what _really_ happened that night?”

Kaidan shook his head. “Not a chance.”

“...so it’s like _that_ night which we don’t talk about?”

“Pretty much.”

“Damn, but Joker’s been hounding my _ass_.”

“What Joker does with your ass—“

“If you finish that sentence, I will cut you the fuck in half.”

“Noted.”

*

Kaidan watched Shepard as he attempted to roll the hardened ganache into a petite ball, only to laugh at the crestfallen expression on his face when it ended up looking like a three-dimensional oblong.

Oh, he was _hopeless_.

He nudged the other man on the shoulder gently and reached for a spoon to demonstrate once again.

“It’s not anything to get upset over,” Kaidan said as he scooped a small amount of ganache from the bowl and rolled it between his palms. “Truffles aren’t meant to look perfect the first time you roll them.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow. “We’ve been at this for a good half hour, Kaidan, and my balls still look deformed.” He paused as Kaidan stared at him, his lips quivering with amusement, before sighing. “I’d expect Ashley to take the bait, but _you_?”

“Perhaps I’ve been hanging around her for too long and it’s finally starting to catch up to me.” Kaidan said as he coated the truffle in chopped almonds and placed it onto another tray, laughter in his voice.

Shepard stared longingly at it for a moment before following Kaidan’s lead. He tried to mimic the movement of Kaidan’s hands and produced a truffle that didn’t look quite as deformed as the first few, but something close to Kaidan’s little treats on the tray.

Kaidan grinned. “See! You’re getting there.”

Eyeing the icing sugar that was among the coatings Kaidan had laid out, Shepard bypassed it quickly and chose the coarsely chopped pistachio nuts, delicately coating the chocolate with a chunky layer of the brilliant green nut. He placed it next to Kaidan’s truffle, and tried to look proud about it.

“Normally I’d agree with you on that but Garrus and I have been attached at the hip since being assigned to the same unit. I act _nothing_ like him.”

“I don’t know. You do act a little, uh, _smooth_ sometimes.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow, rolling another lump of chocolate between his hands. “I don’t know whether to ask for an example or not.”

“You _were_ a hell of a lot shyer back when I first met you.”

“It’s not my fault that a ridiculously attractive baker who handmade _ridiculously_ delicious pies caught my eye. You try being in my shoes.”

“I technically was in your shoes, Shepard. Except I was the baker and a _ridiculously_ attractive marine had the height to take a bite of my pie and moan in a _ridiculously_ sexual manner.”

“It must have worked because here we are, Kaidan.”

“…I guess so, Shepard.”

They smiled at each for a moment before proceeding to roll some more truffles, shoulders brushing and fingers occasionally bumping as they coated their tiny morsels in a variety of different toppings. Kaidan definitely had to repay Ashley for taking charge of the situation and informing both he and Shepard of their plans for the evening.

“ _You’re making truffles, which is a hell of a lot tidier than bread. Or whatever the fuck you both were doing that night.”_

_“We were making bread.”_

_“It was really good.”_

_“_ That’s _a euphemism for sex if I’ve ever heard one.”_

 _“_ Ashley.”

“ _Hang on; I don’t care what happened that night because you guys are too stubborn to tell me! So that means I should take my leave.”_

_“Thank God.”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“I thought you were going to say ‘_ I should go’.”

_“Hey!”_

_“Let’s not start this again. I’m_ going. _Do everything I would do, guys!”_

_“Fucking hell Ashley, there are health regulations about doing that sort of thing.”_

_“…I never knew you were into that, Kaidan.”_

_“Shepard,_ don’t _.”_

The silence between them was companionable, the only sounds being that of the clock ticking on the wall and the shift of material as they fumbled with the ganache. It was a calming moment for Kaidan and he wouldn’t have minded if it remained that way for the rest of the night.

Kaidan noticed Shepard had stopped rolling truffles after a few minutes, and turned to him with a questioning expression. “Something wrong? Is it the icing sugar? Fuck, it’s not a trigger for you, is it—?”

“No! No, nothing like that.” Shepard shook his head, a crooked grin on his face. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you’re doing all this for me.”

Kaidan sagged with relief as he placed a cocoa coated truffle down onto the tray and turned to meet Shepard’s eyes, bright blue and impossible. Kaidan had his doubts about putting out the sweet powder, and it wasn’t because he was worried that Shepard would get ideas.

The baker didn’t want to see Shepard falter, even for a moment, because of _him_.

“Why’s that?”

Shepard shrugged. “I’m not used to being handed things so easily, you know? To have someone doing this without question means a lot,” His eyes bore into Kaidan, and Kaidan swallowed. “Someone like you.”

“Like me?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s so special about me?” Kaidan cupped Shepard’s jaw, his thumb brushing along his lips. Shepard was warm beneath his fingertips, and his breath tickled the skin on Kaidan’s thumb. Shepard brought hand up to grip Kaidan’s wrist gently.

“I wish I could come up with a good answer, Kaidan, but the fact that you can’t see it just proves that you need a new set of eyes. Or glasses.” Shepard looked at him with appreciation crossing his features. “You’d look really fucking good in glasses.”

“Gee, _thanks_. Glad to see my ego-boost turned into a _what-not-to-wear_.”

“I try.”

Kaidan leaned in, pressing their foreheads together. “The same to you, Shepard.”

“I’d look good in glasses?”

“Shut up.”

He closed to the distance and was greeted with the familiar taste of Shepard, warm and musky, with the underlying hint of dark chocolate on his lips left behind from Kaidan’s thumb. Shepard pressed himself further into Kaidan, all hard lines and strong angles, and sighed into the clinch.

That was the thing about kissing Shepard; Kaidan didn’t want to stop. However the longer they left the truffles out in the open, the faster they would soften. Kaidan reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, barely taking note of predatory look that had suddenly appeared in Shepard’s eyes.

“Hang on, let me just put these in the fridge and we can start another batch.”

*

If Kaidan were to look back on that moment, he would have applauded Shepard’s ability to control himself. He certainly wasn’t able to in the moments that followed.

There was a few seconds of fumbling, slipping away from Shepard’s warmth and unusual silence to be greeted with the cool air of the fridge once again, before heading back over to the counter to grab another empty tray. Kaidan didn’t think much of the footsteps behind him but then—

Shepard’s hands gripped Kaidan’s waist, crowding from behind to press fully against him. Before Kaidan could react, take stock in the fact that the hard lines of Shepard’s body were aligning with his own, more intimately than before; he felt Shepard’s mouth on the nape of his neck.

Teeth and tongue scraped against the warm expanse of his neck, and the last thing on Kaidan’s mind was definitely _health regulations_.

And Ashley’s counter. Which he was currently pressed against. Oops?

“May I?” Shepard’s voice was deep, a low rumble against his neck.

Kaidan, for lack of anything better to say since he knew _exactly_ where this was going and there was no way of stopping Shepard, stopping _himself_ , simply nodded.

“Seeing you like this,” Shepard’s fingers teased the hem of Kaidan’s shirt, inching dangerously close to the waistband of his trousers. “Trying to stay in control?” Kaidan’s grip on the counter tightened, knuckles turning white with pressure and Shepard chuckled; warm and throaty.

God, Shepard was so _warm_. It was sending Kaidan’s thoughts into overdrive; the press of warm skin, how Shepard’s body locked into place like a missing puzzle piece. One of his hands trailed up to Kaidan’s chest, balling the fabric of his shirt as he clenched his fist, while the other fumbled with the zipper on his trousers.

Kaidan wanted to speak, to sound out his internal thought process, to tell Shepard just how _crazy_ he’s driven him, how he can’t stop thinking about him, how he wanted him to keep doing that thing with his _teeth—_

But Shepard’s hand deftly slid beneath his trousers, toying briefly with the material of his boxers and slipped beneath the waistband. Kaidan gasped as his calloused fingers slid around his already hardening length. Shepard chuckled against his neck again and gave him an agonising, languid stroke.

 _Shit. Shit. Fuck_.

“You know,” He whispered, moving his lips to Kaidan’s ear. “It really gets me off.”

Kaidan closed his eyes as another gasp escaped him. Shepard chuckled again, kissing the sound beneath his ear as his hand worked him steadily, slow and almost indulgent. Heat pooled in his cock, tension rising in his muscles and _shit,_ he was trembling beneath Shepard’s mere touch, beneath the fact that he was making him feel so damn _good_.

He tightened his grip on the counter further, trying not to beg. Shepard ran his teeth around the curve of Kaidan’s ear, pressing himself more into him, and Kaidan held back the whimper.

“While I’m not as talented with my hands as you are—“

“I—I take it you’re better with your mouth?” Kaidan managed.

 _Shit,_ where did that even come from?

Shepard gave his cock another deliberate, torturous stroke and Kaidan struggled to breathe. His mind was threatening to shut down, not sure on whether he wanted Shepard to go faster, to pick up the pace, or to slow it down, coax the orgasm out of him.

 _God_ , it was so hot. His pants were so tight, _everything_ was so tight. _Shit._

Another chuckle, a puff of warm air against Kaidan’s ear, and Kaidan moaned as Shepard’s thumb stroked him gently. Kaidan struggled to breathe, bringing his head back slightly to rest in the crook of Shepard’s neck. Shepard’s hand unwound itself from the bunched material on Kaidan’s chest, coming down to rest on his hip.

“Well, when you put it like that,” He mouthed the lobe of Kaidan’s ear. “It’s like you’re asking me to prove it.”

Kaidan forced a chuckle, trying to concentrate on _anything_ other than Shepard’s hand on his cock. “Y-yeah, I’ll be _finished_ before you even could.” Because if Shepard continued what he was doing… _God_ , Kaidan was so—

Without warning, Shepard’s hands slid out from underneath, the absence of his warm fingertips already a desperate loss. Kaidan wanted to protest even though his words would have been jumbled phrases, but Shepard spun him around on the spot and trapped him; hands gripping the counter, both arms on either side of him like a cage—

A predator claiming his prey.

Kaidan was aware of how heavily he was breathing, how impossibly close Shepard was. The proximity left him dizzy, above all things. He noted the dangerous look in Shepard’s bright eyes, the crooked grin on his lips, and Kaidan closed the distance without a second thought.

He captured Shepard’s lips in a desperate clinch, a hand coming up to cup his jaw, orange and chocolate on his tongue. Shepard caught onto the rhythm quickly, tilting his head to get a better angle at Kaidan’s mouth. Shepard’s tongue dragged along Kaidan’s lower lip, coaxing and patient at the same time, and Kaidan sighed into his mouth.

They broke apart, foreheads pressed together. Kaidan ran his thumb along Shepard’s cheek, an innocent gesture compared to what had just happened because _wow_. Shepard smirked again, rubbing his nose against Kaidan’s, lashes dusting his cheek.

“Now, what kind of person would I be if I allowed that to happen?”

Before Kaidan could comprehend the magnitude of those words, Shepard dropped to his knees, rubbing his cheek against the front of Kaidan’s trousers. Kaidan quickly found purchase on Shepard’s shoulder, fingers clenching into the material of his familiar hoodie.

God, was he going to—

Shepard made quick work with the zipper of his trousers, before pulling the offending material down. His underwear followed suit and Kaidan gasped as cool air danced along his skin. He almost missed Shepard’s appreciative expression with that look in his bright eyes that screamed _wantwantneed_ , and tried to control the rush of blood to his face.

“Damn…” Shepard muttered; his warm breath ghosting along Kaidan’s flesh.

Yes, yes he was. _Shit._

Shepard’s hands slid over his hips, fingernails scraping against the sensitive skin, before resting on his thighs, and then it’s Shepard’s mouth – fuck, Shepard’s _mouth_. His tongue working on each nerve, searing and wet and _God_ , Kaidan couldn’t stop the obscene sounds from his mouth. He clung desperately onto Shepard’s hoodie, squirming beneath Shepard’s mouth as Shepard took his cock deep, deeper than Kaidan think anyone ever _could_.

It’s not like Kaidan could even think properly in that moment, when the sound of Shepard humming against his cock was first and last thing he ever wanted to hear.

Kaidan gasped, thrusting involuntarily because _God_ , he had no control over that, no control over Shepard watching him with those intense blue eyes clouded with hunger. _No control_ , there was nothing left inside of him. One of Shepard’s hands alluringly slid down to Kaidan’s balls, warm palm against his skin, fingertips dancing softly against the sensitive area to cup them, and—

It ended all too soon. Kaidan whimpered softly, knees almost giving way as he came, and Shepard held him upright, taking Kaidan all the way through it. Thank God for that military training.

He stood there in the aftermath, sweat beading his brow and his heart hammering hard against his chest. _God_ , did that really just happen? Kaidan brought a trembling hand to his head, running his fingers through his hair, and let out a shaky breath. Feeling detached from his body, he watched Shepard tuck him back into place, warm fingers ever so gentle against his softening cock, before rising back up to meet him.

Yes, it did just happen. _Shit._

There was a look of disbelief on his face and Shepard laughed softly as he leaned in to kiss him once again, hands gripping his hips firmly. Kaidan slung his quivering arms around Shepard’s neck, tasting himself on Shepard’s tongue, salty and warm, that underlying hint of the chocolate from before, and that thought was almost enough to send him hard again.

The other man pulled back, amusement tugging at his eyebrow. “What, not enough proof for you Kaidan?”

He always received a kick out of hearing his name pass from Shepard’s lips. The way Shepard’s tongue wrapped around each syllable, like a mantra that only he knew. Kaidan wanted, _needed_ to feel him again, to have Shepard’s warm skin against his, the hard lines of his body slotting into place with his own.

The void inside of him had slowly begun to fill ever since Shepard stumbled upon him. It was a slow-going process, but it was one that Kaidan was willing to go through. He couldn’t put what he felt about Shepard into words, couldn’t describe how… _human_ he made Kaidan feel. The feeling ignited in his chest, and in his gut Kaidan knew exactly what it was.

It was—

Okay, Kaidan couldn’t really think straight in that moment. Regardless, it felt _right_. It was right for Shepard to be standing there with him, skin against skin and their hearts beating in sync. Right for Kaidan to breathe and to breathe _Shepard_ , and Shepard was all things warm and familiar.

It just felt _right_.

Instead of spilling his heart out once again, possibly ruining the moment with a sweet nothing or two, Kaidan mirrored Shepard’s trademark grin.

“Yeah, _definitely_ going to need more proof, Shepard.”

Shepard huffed and leaned in to claim Kaidan’s mouth again. “I’m sure I can manage that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, _that_ was my first time ever writing... that. It's probably really bad, I'm so sorry guys please feel free to not read anymore of my chapters and just read Jo's chapters alright, it's fine guys IT'S TOTALLY FINE. *throws self off a cliff*
> 
> Jo's chapter is going to be so great because things happen, SAD AND WONDERFUL THINGS, and we're going to break your hearts and _you all will just want more_. I am so excited because UGH it's going to be delicious. That's all I'm saying for now :) - Francine x
> 
> OKAY I LIED I HAVE MORE TO SAY BECAUSE THIS FIC NOW HAS BEAUTIFUL [ART](http://papardelle.tumblr.com/post/53110875235) THANKS TO [PAPARDELLE](http://papardelle.tumblr.com/)! Go and look at it guys, because Jo and I are still gaping at it in shock and THANK YOU SO MUCH! We'll find somewhere to slot it into the fic because it's too lovely not to see!
> 
> \--
> 
> HEY GUYS tell francine how much you love her smut because it's amazing seriously i was all _hooooo boy i need a cold shower or three_ after i read it and i'm pretty sure she needs to write smut all the time :D
> 
> also next chapter is MORE SMUT and also angst and heartbreak and everything wrapped together in a package of delicious pastries. huzzah!
> 
> <3, jo


	7. Chocolate Croissants

Shepard pulled away from the kiss, breathless, nearly shaking with arousal, but determined not to push Kaidan any farther tonight.  The baker looked like he was about to pass out, anyway, and Shepard internally patted himself on the back. 

“Look, I should probably go.”  His voice came out much softer, more tender than he’d expected it to. 

Kaidan looked up at him, eyebrows furrowing adorably.  Shepard kissed the crease before he could stop himself. 

“You should…?  But… I, uh.  I kind of owe you, uh.  You know.” 

He shook his head fervently.  “You don’t _owe_ me anything, Kaidan.”  Shepard never missed an opportunity to use Kaidan’s name, having noticed the charming blush that always appeared on his cheeks when he did.  When Kaidan looked down, blush deepening, he caught him by the chin and pulled his head up.  “I swear to you, I got just as much out of that as you did.” 

Kaidan gave him a skeptical look, so Shepard leaned close, lips brushing his ear. 

“You have no idea how sexy you are, do you?  Hearing the sounds you make when I suck you off… watching your face as you come.”  Kaidan shivered against him a little.  “I would do that all day if I could.  Make you lose control until you could hardly even talk.” 

He heard a sharp intake of breath, and then Kaidan’s hands were gripping his sides. 

“ _Shepard_ …” 

Shepard grinned to himself and stepped away.  “Later, Kaidan.  I promise.  Then I’ll show you just what else I can do with this talented mouth.”  He pressed his lips to Kaidan’s once more, sweetly, Kaidan’s own flavor mixing with a hint of orange and chocolate from the swipes of ganache they’d each stolen over the course of the evening, and then forced himself to break away, or else he knew he’d end up taking the other man bent over the counter. 

And, okay, that image was not helping matters. 

One final caress of Kaidan’s cheek, and then he was out the door, brisk Vancouver air shaking some sense into him. 

He got back to the base late.  Garrus was one of the only people still awake; Shepard offered a brief nod to his friend before collapsing in his bunk. 

As soon as his eyes closed, he was back at the bakery, Kaidan’s length in his mouth, fingers clutching his hoodie, hips trembling and rocking and delicious whimpers coloring the air.  He felt his cock strain against his trousers and rolled to his side, facing the wall, biting his lip to stifle himself.  It didn’t take long, all the tension from the evening building up in a fierce wave as he stroked himself roughly, imagining Kaidan’s gentle, strong fingers, calloused from rolling pins and oven burns instead of guns and hand-to-hand, wrapping around him as his husky voice whispered dirty nothings into his ear.

He came hard, silently, burying his face in his pillow and thrusting shallowly into his hand until the aftershocks were through.  Then he tucked himself away and fell asleep, dreaming, as he had been for the past two weeks, of the dark-haired baker with warm, caring eyes. 

*            *            * 

“ ‘ey, Loco!” 

Shepard was emerging from his post-afternoon-workout shower, just pulling on his grey t-shirt, when he heard Vega’s shout.  The friendly nickname he’d earned after taking down their TO in basic was almost as familiar as his own name at this point, and he turned to see Vega approaching with Garrus in tow. 

“What’s up, Vega?” 

“Haven’t seen you in a while.  Where you been, man?” 

Shepard shifted a little uncomfortably.  “Oh, you know.  Around.  Exploring.”  He saw the smirk growing on Garrus’s face and tried to shoot him a warning glare, but it was too late – and Garrus probably wouldn’t have listened anyway. 

“He’s been down at Alenko’s bakery.  Sampling the, ah, _goods_.” 

Shepard was suddenly overcome with a coughing fit.  James seemed not to notice. 

“Oh, yeah!  Those steak pies are fantastic, man!” 

“Wait, wait.  How am I the _last_ one in the squad to find out about this place?” 

“Oh, don’t be like that, Shepard.”  Garrus’s voice was almost a purr, and Shepard knew him well enough to know something dangerous was coming.  “You’re the first one to sample Kaidan’s _personal_ goods, after all.” 

James looked back and forth between Shepard and Garrus a few times, and then a lightbulb almost visibly clicked on, and he grinned boyishly. 

“Shit, Loco!  You and the baker?  All _right_!”  He offered his fist for a bump, and Shepard rolled his eyes but complied, trying to keep the embarrassed grin off his face.  “Man, that Alenko is hot.  You _seen_ his ass?”  James whistled.  Shepard wanted to melt into the floor.  “And hey, that girl who works with him, what’s her name?” 

“Ashley,” Garrus said, and his voice was distinctly more of a growl than it had been before.  Well, at least Shepard wasn’t the only one being tormented here. 

James continued, oblivious to Garrus’s reaction.  “Yeah, she’s a piece of work too!  Those lips, _unf_ , you know what I’m sayin’?” 

Shepard snorted as Garrus’s nose started twitching violently.  “She is… something else,” the tall blond managed. 

“Ash is pretty great, but…” Ah, hell, might as well accept it.  “…but Kaidan is definitely more, uh, _my type_.  And actually, gentlemen, I’m heading over there now, so if you’ll excuse me!”  He grabbed his hoodie and, without giving them a chance to react, mock-saluted them, blue eyes twinkling, before turning to jog away. 

*            *            * 

He slipped through the door behind a large group of people, in for the evening rush, he supposed.  His usual table in the corner was free, so he slid into his seat and opened his book, waiting for the rush to calm. 

After about twenty minutes, the shop had quieted down, but Shepard was too ensconced in his novel – classic Russian literature, this time – to notice.  A small plate sliding onto the table in front of him pulled him out of St. Petersburg and back to Vancouver, and he looked up, blinking, to see Kaidan smiling down at him. 

“Hey, you.” 

Shepard grinned back, his stomach doing backflips.  How Kaidan _still_ had this effect on him, he’d never know. 

“Hey, yourself.”  He glanced at the plate, on which two of their truffles sat.  One was clearly Kaidan’s, dusted in cocoa powder, and the other was his, lumpy and deformed and coated in icing sugar.  At some point they appeared to have become fused together. 

“I guess they rolled together sometime last night, warmed up a bit too much before we put them in the fridge to chill.  Can’t say I noticed.  I was a bit… distracted at the time.”  Kaidan was blushing, but also smirking a little, so Shepard counted it as a win. 

“Do you have a minute to sit down?” 

“Yeah.  Ash’ll take care of any stragglers.”  Kaidan lowered himself to the chair across from Shepard. 

“Here.”  Shepard picked up the fused truffles, and bit off Kaidan’s, humming in pleasure at the cool ganache melting as it hit his tongue.  He held out his truffle to the man across from him; Kaidan smiled and leaned forward, opening his mouth obediently, and Shepard fed him the sweet.  He caught Shepard’s hand before he could pull it back, mischievousness sparkling in his eyes, and quickly swallowed his truffle. 

“I think you’ve got something on your fingers.”  His voice was a low rumble.  He glanced around the shop quickly, gauging how much attention was on them – none – and then pulled Shepard’s hand back to his mouth.  Holding eye contact, he took each of his fingers into his mouth, one by one, swirling his tongue around them, sucking, _so_ gently.  Shepard struggled for breath, trousers going blindingly tight at the soft suction, the feeling of Kaidan’s tongue licking against his skin, imagination going into overdrive without his permission as he tried to think what it would feel like against certain other body parts –

He must have moaned, because Kaidan winked at him, nipping the last finger with his teeth before releasing his hand, standing up, strolling away with what Shepard was _sure_ was more swing in his hips than usual.  He couldn’t stop staring at the shift of Kaidan’s ass under his jeans, remembering how it had felt to cup it with his hands, wanting _more_ , just more of everything, more of _Kaidan_. 

“I’ll get Ashley to bring you your usual,” Kaidan tossed over his shoulder, before disappearing into the back. 

 _Fuck_. 

He tried desperately to get back into Dostoevsky, but after that little display, well, it just wasn’t happening.  Ashley came over a few minutes later bearing a plate with two warmed-up steak pies, and he was thankful for the distraction. 

“Hey, Ash.  How much do I owe you for this, again?” 

She gave him a patented Ashley Look. 

“You _would_ owe us ten dollars, but the boss appears to have decided that you get the ‘special discount.’” 

“You have an employee discount?” 

“Nope.  But apparently now we have a discount for sucking him off.” 

Shepard choked on his first bite of pie.  Ashley sat down across from him, looking very serious. 

“Look, Shepard.  Kaidan cares about you.  A _lot_.  And he trusts you more than I’ve seen him trust anyone since…” She shrugged.  “Well, since he met me.  And that was a long time ago.” 

He managed to swallow his mouthful, but she held up a finger, silencing him. 

“No, you just sit there and listen.  Kaidan has been hurt.  Ah-ah, I _know_ he’s told you this, but listen, you _don’t know_ how bad it was.  You have no idea.  Whatever he told you?  It hurt him a hundred times worse.  He covers shit up, deals with it on his own, because he’s never had anyone there.  I’ve known him for years and he is _only just_ starting to lean on me for support here.” 

She leveled him with another look. 

“I have seen him open up more to you in the past couple weeks than I even thought was possible.  So I am telling you right now, Shepard, and this will be your one and only warning.”  Her finger jabbed in his face, and her voice lowered to a distinctly threatening growl.

“You hurt my Kaidan one bit, I see _one fucking tear_ that was caused by you?  I don’t care how much training you have or how many military douchebros are with you.  I will _fuck. you. up._ ” 

And with that she was gone, leaving Shepard frozen in place, mouth hanging open. 

He turned his gaze back to his book, but there was no way he’d be able to read now.  He’d… he’d known, of course, that Kaidan wasn’t the type to open up easily.  That was obvious.  And he was amazed that the man had opened up to him, of all people, because, well, what could he possibly offer, other than a broken past and misshapen attempts at a future? 

 _Incredulous_ was probably a good word for it.  He could not fathom what Kaidan saw in him, felt completely unworthy of the man’s affections, and yet… Kaidan hadn’t told him to leave yet.  Hadn’t kicked him out, or told him that street scum didn’t belong in a place like this, even though Shepard still felt, somehow, that everyone who looked at him could see everything he’d ever done wrong, like his rap sheet was strung out behind him for the world to pass judgment. 

He didn’t know what he’d done _right_ this time, but he wanted to keep doing it.  He never wanted to _stop_ doing it, actually, and that thought scared him more than a little.  Commitment wasn’t really part of his vocabulary, but… well.  Kaidan was special.  Incredible.  And he’d told the man as much, but he hadn’t believed him, and that hinted to Shepard – just hinted – that maybe, even despite their worlds-apart pasts, they were more similar than either one of them had thought at first. 

It hit him rather suddenly then, though he shouldn’t really have been surprised. 

He didn’t want to lose this.  No, more than that: he didn’t want to lose Kaidan.  Something told him that he wasn’t going to find this with anyone else, this kind of easy conversation and comfortable silence and just… feeling like he could be himself, like he didn’t have to be anyone else and even more than that, feeling like he was _wanted_ just as he was. 

His mind took it a step farther, skirting dangerously near to _that_ word, the one he’d decided would never be for him. 

But Kaidan had broken through all his other barriers and rules so far.  Why not this one too?

He wasn’t really sure how long he sat staring into space.  When he blinked to see Kaidan heading back in his direction, it was almost fully dark outside – later than he’d thought.  Kaidan sat opposite him again, covered Shepard’s hand with his, warm and still slightly floury, and offered him a smile.  It seemed so natural, sitting like this. 

Shepard turned his hand to brush his fingers against the pulse in Kaidan’s wrist. 

“Hey there.” 

“Hey.  Sorry I didn’t get to chat much… busy day.” 

Shepard shrugged.  “It’s fine.  I… had a lot to think about.  But, if you’re starting to close up, maybe I should go –” He stuttered to a stop as he realized that Kaidan had a quiet teasing grin on his face, and felt a blush creep up the back of his neck. 

“Okay, apparently I’m rather predictable.  Not sure how I feel about that.” 

“Well.  Only sometimes.  And… you don’t _have_ to go, you know.” 

“Nah, I don’t want to get in the way too much.  I can come back tomorrow.” 

“Shepard.  Ashley’s taking care of cleanup tonight.” 

“Ashley’s… are we talking about the same person?” 

Kaidan laughed.  “She owes me a favor.” 

“Ah.  Right.  So… what now?” 

“I, um.”  Kaidan suddenly seemed to become nervous, shifting in his seat.  “I live upstairs, Shepard.  I mean, my apartment’s the unit above this one.”  One shoulder lifted and fell.  “It’s convenient.” 

He waited, but Kaidan seemed to want him to say something.  He didn’t want to take it the wrong way, didn’t want to presume, but it sounded awfully like… 

“Kaidan, are you inviting me up to your place?” 

The baker’s cheeks flushed a charming shade of pink.  “I don’t want to go too fast, if you’re not comfortable with that yet, you don’t have to – or, or we could just go up and watch TV, or find a movie or something –” 

Shepard put a hand over his heart in mock innocence.  “Why, Kaidan, what _else_ would we do?”  The kick he received under the table was well worth the deeper blush on Kaidan’s face.  He gripped Kaidan’s hand a bit tighter, waiting for the man to look up and meet his eyes.  “In all seriousness, yes, I would love to.” 

Kaidan’s answering smile, and the gentle brush of his thumb over Shepard’s knuckles, sent his heart pounding. 

“Well, come on then.”  He tugged Shepard out the front door, giving him barely enough time to shout goodnight to a grumpy Ashley in the back room, to a door in the side alley.  It opened onto a narrow corridor with a cramped staircase. 

Kaidan hesitated for a moment, and then startled Shepard with a kiss, one hand sliding around to the back of his neck, the other curling into the side of his hoodie.  Shepard groaned into his mouth, reacting quickly – thank god for instincts – and backing Kaidan up against the wall.  The door swung shut behind them, closing out the sounds of the street.  Shepard’s hips ground against Kaidan’s of their own volition, and both men gasped, breaking the kiss and resting their foreheads together, trying to catch their breath. 

“Shepard, I –”  Kaidan’s breathless laugh sent shivers down his spine, hairs on his arms standing on end.  “Let’s get upstairs first, okay?” 

Shepard laughed too, then, and pressed a kiss to the corner of Kaidan’s jaw.  “Lead the way.” 

Conveniently, this gave him a good view of Kaidan’s ass.  He followed the baker up the short flight of stairs and came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist as Kaidan fumbled with his keys. 

Shepard kissed the back of his neck, and he sighed.  Shepard bit down on his neck and he groaned, hips automatically rocking back into his crotch, keys clattering on the floor as Shepard huffed a quiet chuckle into his hair. 

“You’re gonna have to bend over to pick those up.”  His hands slid to Kaidan’s waist, massaging his sides gently as he rolled his hips against Kaidan’s ass. 

“Actually, I think I’d rather do it this way.”  Kaidan turned in his arms, and then dropped to his knees, keeping his eyes locked on Shepard’s.  He reached for his keys, and then slowly leaned forward, mouthing over the very obvious bulge in Shepard’s jeans. 

 _Oh, fuck_.  Kaidan’s eyes, pupils blown out, the way he was gazing up at Shepard and working those lips over his length – fuck, _fuck_ , it was everything he could do not to grab Kaidan’s hair, pull himself out, and thrust into the mouth waiting for him – he could _feel_ the warmth from Kaidan’s mouth, from his breath, through his trousers.  His head fell back and he moaned. 

“Kaidan, we _really_ need to get inside.” 

Kaidan grinned up at him and then stood fluidly, turned, and got the door open.  They nearly fell inside, Shepard slamming the door behind them, grabbing Kaidan, pushing him up against it and claiming his mouth in a desperate kiss.  They were pressed flush against each other, but Shepard wanted to be closer, impossibly closer. 

He slid his hands under Kaidan’s shirt and the man gasped something that sounded suspiciously like _fuck, Shepard_.  Then he felt himself pushed away, but not far, Kaidan pulling him roughly by the arm into the next room, which – conveniently – happened to be the bedroom. 

They tumbled onto the bed, Shepard on top, catching himself on his hands before he crushed Kaidan beneath his weight.  His instinct was to chase Kaidan’s mouth, grind himself against Kaidan’s body, but he forced himself to hold back. 

“Kaidan.  I just – I want to make sure you’re okay with this.  We don’t have to if you don’t want –” 

Kaidan grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down for a searing kiss.  “I want this.  I want _you_ , Shepard.”  His hips thrust up teasingly.  “Now, if I remember correctly how this works, I think we’re wearing too many clothes.” 

It wasn’t easy to keep kissing and get their clothes off, but they managed, fumbling with zippers and buttons and shoelaces, kicking off their jeans and tugging each other’s shirts over their heads, until they were both down to their boxers, Kaidan supporting his weight on one forearm and looking down at Shepard.

Time froze for a moment as they just took each other in.  Kaidan ran his fingers down Shepard’s side, feather-light, dancing over his defined abs and tracing the waistband of his boxers, and Shepard shivered under the almost-tickles.  He cupped his hand around Kaidan’s cheek. 

“You’re so gorgeous.” 

Fire blazed in Kaidan’s eyes.  He turned his head to kiss Shepard’s palm, never breaking eye contact. 

“Shepard, you’re –”  His face twisted in searching for the right word, and Shepard’s thumb went up to his brow to smooth it out, pulling Kaidan down towards him in the process. 

“I need you,” he breathed into Kaidan’s ear.  Some kind of strangled noise tore from his throat, and he bit into Shepard’s neck, rutting hard against him.  Shepard arched up off the bed, hands everywhere, wanting, _needing_ to feel Kaidan’s smooth skin against his, cupping his ass and pulling him closer, encouraging the grinding to go harder and faster and feeling himself rocket towards that brink – 

He gasped, forced Kaidan’s hips to still. 

“What?  What is it?  Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, I just –” He made a noise halfway between a soft whine and a laugh.  “I’m so close, Kaidan, I don’t want to, uh… end like this.” 

Kaidan rolled off him and opened a drawer, producing a small bottle that he placed on the bedside table.  His hands were shaking. 

“For when… when we need it.” 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” 

Kaidan was back on him before he knew what was happening, rough kisses crushing his lips, fingers digging bruises into his sides. 

“More sure than I’ve been of anything in years.” 

The intensity in his voice hit Shepard somewhere low and deep inside.  He surged up, reversing their positions, and slid down Kaidan’s body, pulling his boxers off as he went.  Kaidan’s length bobbed out, resting hard and heavy against his stomach.  Shepard glanced up at him once for approval, and met his eyes, lust-darkened, lips parted and tongue darting out to wet them. 

He licked his way up Kaidan’s cock, tongue fluttering against the skin, until he reached the tip; the barest pause, and then he slid his lips down, taking him into his mouth.  He hadn’t forgotten this taste from the other night, didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget Kaidan’s earthiness, or the feeling of him full and heavy against his tongue. 

Kaidan bucked up underneath him, eyes squeezed shut.  He was panting, moaning, hands fisting in the bedsheets.  Shepard reached over for the bottle, and Kaidan’s eyes flew wide at the sound of the cap clicking open. 

Shepard hesitated awkwardly for a moment.  “Um.  How do you want – I mean, do you, or – should I?” 

The heated look he got in return melted away his hesitation.  “I want you to fuck me, Shepard.” 

And that was all he needed, pouring lube over his fingers, one hand in the pillow by Kaidan’s head so he could watch the man’s expression change, see the way every moan furrowed his eyebrows – sliding one finger in and feeling the tremor in Kaidan’s hips as he tried to control himself.  Sliding two fingers in and sighing, an echo to Kaidan’s groan, cock twitching against the bed in anticipation of the tight heat around his fingers. 

He pushed his nose against Kaidan’s temple, traced his ear with his tongue and bit at his neck in the hollow beneath his jaw.  Kaidan whimpered, hips rocking, turning his head to give Shepard more skin to worship as three fingers entered him, stretching and scissoring and coaxing more tiny noises of _want_ from his throat. 

“Please, Shepard, _please_ , I… oh, _fuck_ – ” 

The string of near-incoherence falling from Kaidan’s lips snapped Shepard’s fraying control.  He withdrew his fingers and slicked up his cock, eyes closing tightly at the slippery coolness of his hand stroking himself, and then positioned his length at Kaidan’s entrance.  Kaidan’s eyes were nearly black with desire, and his hips arched to meet Shepard as he slowly pushed in, every exhale a small, fragile moan. 

 _Fuck_ , he felt _so good_ , so tight and _hot_ and… Shepard shuddered, feeling Kaidan’s arms come up to wrap around his shoulders and back, holding him close and pulling him down for a kiss. 

He started moving his hips, short thrusts at first, pulling out and pushing in just a few inches until he felt Kaidan’s sharp gasp against his lips, and the words _faster, god, please_ breathed against his mouth. 

He was helpless to do anything but obey. 

A low growl rumbled in his chest, and he hooked one of his arms under Kaidan’s thigh, pushing his leg almost up to his chest, opening him more, hips snapping against his ass and everything _deeper_ , harder, so much _better_ than anything he’d ever felt. 

Kaidan’s whole body was arching up to meet him with every thrust, one hand on Shepard’s ass trying to pull him closer, the other on the back of his neck, nails digging in, keeping Shepard close enough that they were sharing air. 

He’d known he wouldn’t last long from the moment they started, all of this _wanting_ over the last couple of weeks releasing all at once, but he wanted Kaidan to come apart with him, so he reached one hand between them and started stroking him, fast and rough. 

Kaidan cried out, body tightening, and bit into Shepard’s shoulder as he came over Shepard’s hand and his own stomach, muscles rippling with convulsions of pleasure.  The clenching around him brought Shepard hurtling over the edge as well, moaning hoarsely into Kaidan’s neck, lightbursts sparking behind his closed eyelids. 

They breathed together.  Just breathed, for seconds that could have been hours, until Shepard finally lifted his head, seeking Kaidan’s eyes.  He realized then that one of his hands had been compulsively stroking Kaidan’s hair, fingers running through it over and over soothingly.  He stopped, but Kaidan smiled at him. 

“You can keep doing that.  It feels nice.”  Then he tilted his head forward to kiss Shepard again, and it was so soft and tender, so very _Kaidan_ that he felt like he was melting into the body underneath him.  He’d have been happy to stay there forever, tucked away from the world in this small apartment over the best bakery in Vancouver, in the arms of the only man who’d ever made him feel this warm and safe and loved. 

… _loved_? 

Kaidan must have sensed his internal hesitation, though he had no idea how.  He broke off their kiss and looked at Shepard with concern. 

“Something on your mind?” 

Shepard searched his eyes but couldn’t find any regret, any disgust, any hint of being thrown out on his ass in the street. 

He smiled softly. 

“No.  I can hardly think coherently after that, anyway.” 

A content little hum told him Kaidan agreed. 

With a small wince from both men, Shepard pulled out and rolled to the side, tugging Kaidan gently back against his chest so he could curl around the other man.  Kaidan reached for the bedsheets and pulled them up over their shoulders. 

“Stay the night?” 

Shepard nodded into the back of Kaidan’s neck, arms tightening around his chest. 

“As long as you’ll have me.” 

*            *            * 

After a long night interspersed with quiet touching, hushed laughter, and soft gazes in the dim light coming in from Vancouver’s streetlights, Shepard woke up to sunlight warming the room.  He stretched his arms, reaching for Kaidan without thinking, but the bed was empty. 

Kaidan was gone. 

He jerked upright, and his heart dropped – until he heard the quiet sounds of someone puttering in the kitchen.  And when he took a moment to breathe, he smelled something… _delicious._   Delicious enough to entice him out of the warm bed, even. 

Pulling on his underwear and snagging his hoodie from where it had landed on Kaidan’s desk, he meandered out into the apartment’s living room.  Kaidan had his back to him in the small kitchen area, and Shepard took a moment to appreciate the fact that said back was naked down to his boxers, save for the strings of an apron. 

Oh, he could definitely get used to waking up like this. 

Especially when Kaidan turned and flashed a smile like _that_ at him. 

“Hey, look who it is.”

Grinning back, he shuffled over to the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Kaidan’s waist.  The baker hugged him tightly, kissing his temple, kissing the scar at his hairline, and then pulling back enough to kiss his mouth gently and rest their foreheads together for a moment, tips of their noses brushing. 

“Alright.  I’m going to stop you there, or else I’ll never get these finished.”  Kaidan gestured to the counter, where dough had been rolled out and cut into a dozen long triangles, some already rolled into the familiar shape of a croissant.  A bowl of chocolate, chopped into long bars, sat nearby.  Shepard caught sight of a plastic wrapper in the trash and chuckled, nuzzling into Kaidan’s neck. 

“Why, Mr. Alenko, are you using _storebought_ puff pastry?” 

The glare he received in return was ferocious. 

“I am, because _someone_ kept me up later than I’d intended, and handmade puff pastry takes _hours_.  And before you question my integrity again, we most _certainly_ use handmade puff pastry downstairs.” 

Shepard held his hands up in surrender.  “Question your integrity?  I would never dream of it.” 

Kaidan huffed, amused smile playing around his lips.  “Good.  Now let me get back to rolling these so they can go in the oven.” 

“…hang on.  You’re missing something.” 

“Oh?  And you, with all this expertise all of a sudden.  Go on, then.” 

“Here.”  Shepard pulled off his hoodie and draped it over Kaidan’s shoulders.  “So you don’t get cold.” 

He hesitated.  “I – Shepard, I’ll get flour all over it.” 

“I don’t care.  It’s washable.” 

Kaidan looked down, blushing again as he pulled the hoodie on over his arms, and wow, Shepard was _never_ going to get over that.  That, or the small, shy smile he got from the baker, warming every inch of him, making him want to be, stupidly, somehow, a _better person_ for Kaidan.  The _best_ person he could possibly be. 

“John,” he blurted. 

Kaidan gave him a blank look. 

“John.  It’s… my first name.” 

“…John.”  The smile was back, and warmth flooded through him.  Yes.  Yes, it was _right_  to tell Kaidan his name.  Kaidan, who knew him almost as well as he knew himself – maybe not all his stories, not his whole history, but who knew the core of him.  Who _understood_. 

Distantly, he heard his phone go off in the bedroom. 

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, and gave Kaidan a quick peck on the cheek before darting back to pick up the call. 

“Shepard.” 

 _“Shepard, it’s Garrus.  Shore leave’s over.  Report back to base ASAP for ship-out this afternoon.”_  

“What?  I – what time is it now?”  He twisted, trying to find a clock. 

 _“Eight.  But they’re serious, Shepard.  Apologizing for the ‘short notice,’ of course, but they want our asses out of here as soon as we can get our shit together.”_  

“But – no, _no_ , I can’t – ” 

 _“Where ARE you, even?  You didn’t come back last night.  Vega’s been asking after you, says you two have a pull-up record to settle.”_  

“I’m – I’m just _out_ , Garrus, I have to go, I’ll – ” He forced himself to breathe.  “I’ll see you soon.” 

The phone dropped from his hand, hitting the floor with a thunk.  Kaidan’s voice floated in. 

“Everything okay, Shepard?” 

No.  No, everything was not okay.  His heart was pounding, and _not_ in the good, flirting-with-Kaidan way, not in the way that promised flour and steak pies and a _future_ , it was pounding in the way of facing down the barrel of a gun, of coming down from a high and knowing you’d done something _so wrong_ you could never fix it.  He had trouble swallowing, something crawling up his throat and choking him. 

“…John?”

His voice was closer, coming from the doorway.  When Shepard turned to look at him, his eyes went wide, obviously seeing some of the panic written on Shepard’s face. 

Kaidan was across the room, arms around him before he could react, murmuring soft nothings into his ear and stroking his back. 

“What happened?  Tell me.  Let me help.” 

“Shore leave is over.  We’re shipping out.”  His voice was dead, wooden even to his own ears. 

Kaidan pulled back, face white in shock.  “When?” 

“Today.  Now.” 

“What?  No.  No, that can’t be right.  There must be some mistake, they must have – ” 

Shepard kissed him.  Hard.  Needy, needing – what, exactly, he didn’t know, but _something_ , something only Kaidan could give.  He wasn’t sure whether he found it. 

He moved around the room, pulling his jeans and t-shirt back on, hardly looking at Kaidan.  “It’s not a mistake.  I have to go.” 

A thin laugh came from the other man.  “Don’t you mean you _should_ go?” 

That stopped him, and he looked up, knowing that his raw hurt and pain and fear were showing in his eyes, and for the first time in his life not caring if someone else saw his bared emotions. 

“No,” he said roughly, cupping Kaidan’s face in his hands.  “I _should_ stay here, forever.  I _should_ never leave you, Kaidan.” 

He saw surprise and something unidentifiable in Kaidan’s eyes before he leaned in for another kiss, and this time he found what he’d been looking for, something buried and long-forgotten in him finding its echo in the desperation of Kaidan’s mouth against his. 

Then he was moving towards the door, needing escape, needing fresh air to remind him of who he was. 

“Shepard… _John_.” 

Kaidan’s voice, brittle, sounding like it could shatter at the smallest breath of air, made him turn at the door.  He looked the way he sounded.  Forlorn.  Alone. 

Shepard tried to convey everything he was feeling in one look.  _I won’t forget you.  I’m coming back.  Wait for me._   And also, maybe, _I love you_. 

But he was terrible with words, so he didn’t say them out loud.  Just hoped Kaidan understood, as well as he’d understood everything else about Shepard, as easily as he’d slid into Shepard’s life and filled the empty parts he hadn’t even known were there. 

He ducked out the door, jogged down the stairs, and welcomed the cool Vancouver breeze, walking quickly to the bus stop.  He didn’t look back, but he wanted to. 

And it wasn’t until he was halfway back to base that he realized he’d left his hoodie with Kaidan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so francine's smut is a pretty hard act to follow ( _hard_... haha... get it) but i hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> ahhh i'm terrible at writing a/ns i never know what to say but SORRY ABOUT THE ANGST i guess??? don't worry there'll be more next chapter, because that's how we do :3
> 
> <3, jo
> 
> *
> 
> hear that, jo? that's the sweet sweet sound of our readers cursing our existences and putting dishonour on our cows. oooo the angst hurts so good! - francine xx
> 
> p.s. HOW GREAT WAS HER SMUT GUYS NOW DO YOU SEE WHY SHE IS THE QUEEN OF SMUT?!


	8. Hummingbird Wedding Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan quietly adjusts to Shepard being gone, Ashley doesn't take any of Kaidan's shit, and letters are a thing between the marine and his baker in the age of internet and email. _Kaidan tried to avoid crumpling the letter he was still holding in his hands. Folding it carefully and placing it into his pocket, he did the same thing with the new revelations in his head— What did his father call it? Oh, compartmentalise. There was always time to think about it later._
> 
> WARNING: Looooooong chapter!

Kaidan turned around at the sound of footsteps heading into the kitchen to see Ashley standing stock still in the doorframe, surprise on her face at the sight of him scrubbing away at the counter.

Unused to seeing her out of a bright white apron and in a... bright pink sweater, she looked a little out of place. What with her coffee in one hand, novel in the other, her dark hair casually tucked behind her ears and... Kaidan’s old, faded jeans sitting pretty on her hips.

She claimed that even though she didn’t have a boyfriend, she was more than entitled to wear boyfriend jeans regardless of the fact that Kaidan was her _best_ friend.

Alright, they _had_ done the deed and it was a thing that had happened and—

It was the principle of the matter.

“Okay it’s not what it looks like, I _swear_. I mean, the kitchen is still in a fucking mess and I totally own up to that,” Ashley placed the coffee down on a counter near him. “But I swear Kaidan, if I concentrated hard enough I could _hear_ the both of you. The roof is pretty thin, just so you know.”

Ashley stood next to him, and Kaidan focused solely on the brilliant white suds from the sponge in his hand instead of the blood rushing to his face. “I decided for the sake of my sanity to high tail it out of here, and since we’re closed today I thought I’d come back and finish up.”

“You didn’t even _start_.” Kaidan muttered.

“ _The point is_ that I didn’t want to hear my best friend getting dicked by the guy he’s been mooning over for the past couple of weeks, okay? Besides,” Ashley placed the novel on the counter, avoiding the soap suds. “I’ve been meaning to give this back to Shepard and I figured since he _probably_ stayed the night—”

Kaidan stiffened at the sight of Alfred Tennyson’s embossed name on the cover of the book, and remembered a particular afternoon which led to a certain night where…

God, he didn’t want to think about it. If he did, then it would lead back to everything that had transpired the previous night, the following morning, and how for a few moments everything seemed _right_. It was right for Shepard to be sleeping beside him, the dim Vancouver dawn casting shadows along the lines of his face.

It was _right_ for Shepard to slink his arms around Kaidan’s waist and whisper into his ear, to let Kaidan wear his familiar hoodie and just _live_ and—

Feel _human,_ after all this time.

“Kaidan,” Ashley placed a hand on his arm. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit, what the fuck is wrong?”

“I said that _nothing’_ s wrong, Ashley.”

“Kaidan, I know you. You can’t hide _shit_ from me, so tell me what the fuck is going on.” She looked around the kitchen. “Where’s Shepard?”

Shit, he didn’t even know _where_ Shepard had gone. He tore away from her inquisitive gaze, his heart in his throat, and began to scrub the counter again. Ashley’s fingers wrapped around his wrist tightly, and Kaidan let out a breath.

Growing up, it was easy for the people around him to pick up the signs that he was lying. His mother had told him once that his eyes fluttered slightly, and his father said Kaidan’s avoided looking at him when the words passed his lips.

He’s always been in touch with his feelings. It’s a part of him that not too many people know about save for the ones above, and for Ashley. She had known it the first time Kaidan had told her ‘I’m fine’. After all, _I’m fine_ was the biggest lie in the galaxy, and Ashley knew it.

Two simple words, and yet Ashley had spun Kaidan around to spit _bullshit now tell me what the fuck is wrong Alenko_ in his face.

That was the moment that Kaidan knew he was going to keep her around, even if part of him cried out ‘veto, veto!’. Having Ashley Williams around after all the papers were signed and the marks had been handed out would never bode well towards anyone’s sanity.

The fact that Ashley had called him out on it though, the fact that she had been so desperate to help him patch up his past; that was worth everything about her that Kaidan couldn’t handle, and he eventually did get a handle on her. Barely.

Kaidan had always been a terrible liar. However while Kaidan was a terrible liar, he was also a complete master at lying to himself.

Kaidan was seventeen the first time he lied to himself. It was in those moments on an unfamiliar sidewalk; Rahna staring at him with terrified eyes, dried blood beneath his fingernails, and Kaidan told himself that _I’ll be okay, I’ll be okay, Rahna will understand, we’ll be okay._

The second had been in the following years, convincing himself that he had done the right thing that night and even though he had lost Rahna, she was _safe_ and that was all that mattered.

Then—

Hearing his front door click shut, Shepard’s muffled steps down his staircase, and even though Shepard’s hoodie had been keeping him warm, Kaidan couldn’t stop shivering. It had all happened so _fast_ , but Kaidan told himself that maybe it was meant to be that way. Maybe he was always supposed to have a gaping hole in his chest that could never be filled completely.

He almost believed it.

Kaidan would have been able to count on both hands how many times he lied; to others and to him. But now, as he stood in front of Ashley, raw concern in her eyes and that furrow in her brow, he couldn’t bring himself to lie to her.

 _Anyone_ but her.

“Shepard… left.”

“What do you mean _left_?” Ashley growled. The grip on his wrist was not relenting. If anything, it was increasing.

“Exactly that. He… left.”

“So after all the lovey dovey crap, he only wanted a quick _fuck_?”

Kaidan blinked, suddenly aware of how his words sounded without context. “Wait, no, Ashley—“

“He must have a pretty big dick to think he can play with someone like that.”

“Ashley—“

“I bet _Vakarian_ put him up to it, you know. Fuck around with the baker to get free pies… the sick _fuck._ ”

“ _Ashley_ —“

“I swear to _God_ that if I see his smug mouth around here again, pretty or _not_ I’m going to punch it into his _skull_ —”

Kaidan put a hand over Ashley’s mouth quickly and stared her down. “Shore leave finished this morning. Shepard’s… back on duty.”

If the situation had called for it, Kaidan would have laughed at the way Ashley’s eyes widened almost comically. Sensing it was safe; he moved his hand from her mouth and allowed it to rest on her shoulder. The weight of his words suddenly hit him and Kaidan ducked his head, the void inside pressing against him once more.

“…Oh.” Ashley shifted closer to him, her hands coming up to hold his face tenderly.

Kaidan met her warm eyes, sparkling with something that wasn’t mischief for once, and he bit his lip. His words were wedged in his throat, his mind racing in different directions, and he wanted to tell Ashley everything, right there and then.

How Shepard, _John_ , had barely been gone a few hours and Kaidan couldn’t even breathe properly, how seeing the pure _fear_ in Shepard’s brilliant eyes as he turned away would be enough to keep Kaidan awake that night, and how Kaidan was treading so dangerously close to _that_ word, the only word that could describe the extent of his feelings towards Shepard.

It was crazy to be even thinking about something like that. One would argue that he barely even _knew_ Shepard, that he could just be some rag-tag runaway who had been looking for a warm bed and a ‘quick fuck’, in Ashley’s words.

In those past weeks though, those endless hours when Shepard would sit in _his_ corner and lose himself to the written word, Kaidan knew that none of those things were true.

The truths about Shepard were written along his skin, etched into calloused fingertips, cried out in the darkness of Kaidan’s bedroom the night before. Kaidan knew the length of the scar that travelled down Shepard’s spine, ending on his flank. Kaidan knew the exact number of freckles scattered across Shepard’s collarbone, the last one sitting innocently above his ribs.

Kaidan knew the way Shepard’s lashes dusted his cheekbone, each direction the hairs were laid out, and Kaidan _knew_ how many shades of blue Shepard’s eyes were, the feel of his crooked grin against Kaidan’s mouth. Kaidan _knew_ Shepard, better than he knew himself probably and—

He wasn’t sure he would be able to tell him that. Ever.

Ashley pressed their foreheads together softly, and Kaidan breathed in her familiar scent of spiced vanilla. The proper kind of vanilla, not the cheap imitation sold in grocery stores. Kaidan wrapped his arms around her, pressing her small frame against his own.

“I… had so much I wanted to tell him, Ashley.” Kaidan whispered, surprised by how _lost_ he sounded.

“You’ll be able to tell him, Kaidan, you _will_.”

“But,” They sunk to the cold floor, Kaidan still holding onto her like a lifeline. “What if he doesn’t come back?”

That was the million dollar question, the one that had haunted Kaidan ever since Shepard revealed more hidden truths that night all those weeks ago. He had become attached far too quickly, easily akin to a lost puppy whenever Shepard wasn’t around. The fact that Kaidan’s fears had been realised, and the gaping void inside of him was vaguely shaped like Shepard—

Ashley brought her lips to Kaidan’s forehead, her warm breath ghosting along his skin as she spoke. “He’s going to come back, Kaidan.” Her sparkling eyes met his own again, a reassuring smile on her lips. “Shepard is going to fight like _hell_ to come back to you.”

“Really?”

Even though a part of Kaidan knew that Ashley was right, he couldn’t shake away the feeling of doubt in his gut. Shepard looked too terrified that morning, like even _he_ wasn’t sure that he would come back. Ashley wrapped her arms around Kaidan’s neck, and Kaidan buried his face into the crook of her shoulder, her soft hair tickling his cheek.

“Definitely, especially with the praying I’ll be doing. Besides,” She snuggled into him, her legs somehow becoming tangled with Kaidan’s. It was like a miniature Twister game. “He’s going to need some fattening up after all that running around and saving the day, so he’s also fighting for your steak pies.”

Kaidan mimicked the smile in her tone and pulled away from Ashley slightly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “He’s definitely not fighting for _kalamata olive_ macarons, that’s for sure.”

“Fuck you.”

“I love you too.”

“If you loved me, then you would let me trial them.”

“The answer is still ‘no’.”

“You’re the worst best friend ever.” She tapped his nose affectionately, and Kaidan made a slight face. “Speaking of praying, you’re coming with me to confession tonight.”

Kaidan blinked. “Why?”

“After what I heard _last_ night,” Ashley smirked and Kaidan turned red enough to bury his face into her shoulder again. “You have a _lot_ of sins that need to be purged, young man.”

“…Exactly _how_ loud were we?”

“They would have heard you guys over on Mars.”

“Shit.”

*

For Kaidan, the first week without Shepard’s constant presence was strange.

Having become used to glancing at the corner table and seeing a distant lack of Shepard hunched over an obscure novel was disorienting at first. Often at times he found himself with Shepard’s name on the tip of his tongue, wanting to tell him his thoughts or throw a lame pick-up line his way, before remembering that Shepard _wasn’t_ there anymore.

It hurt. The warmth that Kaidan had long since associated with Shepard still bubbled furiously inside his chest each time his thoughts strayed to the rugged marine, and he supposed Ashley’s comparison of a loyal golden retriever to Kaidan was almost true.

Not to the extent that Kaidan needed to _see_ Shepard so he could get about his daily business, but general reassurance that Shepard was _with_ Kaidan was all the man needed.

Although Kaidan would be lying if he said he didn’t need Shepard’s gorgeous mouth doing obscene things to him because _wow_ , that mouth was everything that was right in the world.

Galaxy. Life. Basically _everything_.

The thing about Shepard though is that the man was full of surprises, as Kaidan discovered on a quiet afternoon almost two weeks after Shepard went back on duty. Well, quiet for the bakery usually meant a horde of familiars making their presence known. There were some days that he was thankful for Ashley’s existence.

Some days.

“So Alenko,” Joker hobbled through the front door of the shop, a passive EDI by his side. “You seem to have, uh, _loosened_ up a little.”

EDI sighed, helping Joker towards a table close to the door. Kaidan threw a glare towards Ashley, who was inching closer to the kitchen and further away from Kaidan.

“Now is not an appropriate time to discuss Kaidan’s personal life, Jeff.”

“It’s not like he has any personal life to speak of, EDI, so now that he _does_ we’re more than entitled to talk about it.”

“No, you’re not!” Kaidan exclaimed, grabbing Ashley before she managed to hide.

“That may be true Jeff,” EDI said, ignoring Kaidan’s groan as she sat down opposite Joker, her perfect posture (and general, clean-cut appearance) hilarious in comparison to Joker’s trademark slouch. “But Ashley _did_ tell us not to say anything about it. We should respect her wishes.”

“We should respect _her_ wishes?!” Kaidan pulled a squirming Ashley into a headlock. “It’s _my_ personal life we’re discussing here… which I’d prefer if we didn’t. Ever.”

Joker fumbled with his cap, ignoring Ashley’s pleas as she scrambled for an escape from Kaidan’s lock around her neck. “Well, it’s not every day you get off in the backroom—“

“ _Hold on a fucking minute,_ ” Jack, unusually quiet against the proceedings, whirled around to throw Kaidan a filthy glare. “Are you saying that the glaze on the cinnamon buns _isn’t_ glaze?”

EDI wrinkled her nose slightly. Joker smirked behind a hand. Jack splayed her fingers against the glass display, the colourful tattoos on her skin almost disappearing in the background of the colourful pastry wrappers.

Kaidan relinquished his hold on Ashley’s neck unconsciously, the blood rushing to the back of his neck, and Ashley quickly rolled over the counter to hide behind a furious Jack.

All eyes were on Kaidan as he stood with his mouth agape, unsure of how to answer _that_. He wished that he could crawl into a small bush and simply _die_.

Kaidan swallowed. “I—“

“Oh, for _fucks_ sake!” Jack spat against the glass.

“That is… remarkably unhygienic, Kaidan.” EDI looked as though she wanted to be anywhere else but there.

“He said the same thing.” Ashley whispered from behind Jack’s shoulder.

“But he _still_ did it?!” Joker shrieked. “Hey man, I’m all for getting off in unsuitable places but the _kitchen_?!”

Kaidan lifted his chin. “I never said that I _did_ , uh, get off in the kitchen of my bakery, at least.”

All of the eyes that were on Kaidan soon fell onto Ashley. The room was tense for a moment as Ashley straightened up, meeting Kaidan’s eyes across the counter. Kaidan sent her a look that said ‘ _please say the exact opposite of what you_ want _to say’_.

“I… was only kidding about the kitchen part, guys.” A collective sigh of relief echoed around the room. “It was more like in the stairway to his apartment, anyway—“

“ _Ashley.”_

“Got to give the crowd something, Boss.”

“He must have really liked your éclair, Alenko.” Joker said smugly. EDI nudged his leg softly, ignoring the wince that crossed his features. “Oh, I meant _éclairs_. My mistake.”

“Nice going K!” Jack smirked, gesturing at the cinnamon scrolls in the window. Ashley complied, avoiding Kaidan’s eye. “You _have_ been floating around a little lately. Figured you either got an amazing blowjob or…” She frowned, taking the paper bag from Ashley. “No, that’s all that comes to mind.”

“You _do_ have a one track mind, Jack.” Joker said.

“Hey, Joker?”

“What?”

“ _Fuck you_.”

“Original. Stay classy, Jack.”

“Only for you, Moreau.”

“I love it when you say my name.”

Ashley rolled her eyes. “Joker, your girlfriend is _right there_.”

Joker faced EDI, placing his hand over her slender one. “She still loves me.”

“Always, Jeff.” EDI smiled, placing her other hand on top of Joker’s.

“Why do we know these people, Ash?” Kaidan mumbled behind his hands.

She shrugged. “Hey, _you_ opened a bakery. I just work here.”

Kaidan went to reply but stopped short when Steve, long-time postie and lover of all things chocolate, walked through the front door with a pile of envelopes in his hand. They exchanged pleasantries as he gave Kaidan the mail while Ashley handed over a chocolate tart as thanks, leaning against the display to chat amicably to the other man.

“How’s Robert doing?”

“Wishing that he could be eating one of these bad boys right now, I bet.” Steve sighed as he took a bite of the rich tart. “He sent a letter last week. They have nothing in the way of delicious sweets out there. Army rations are _terrible_.”

“Well,” Ashley rested her chin on her hands. “If they could keep, Cortez, then I would send them to him all done up in a little pink box.”

Steve grinned. “As long as it’s not like those chiffon curtains you—“

“ _Let it go_.” Ashley warned.

Grateful for the distraction, Kaidan ducked into the kitchen (“ _Keep it in your pants, Alenko!”)_ to sort through the mail. Among the endless group of bills was a crumpled envelope with unfamiliar handwriting written along the front. Kaidan frowned as he ran his thumb along the surface of the paper and opened it swiftly, sand falling from beneath his fingertips as he slid the paper from the confines of the envelope.

He smoothed out the letter and began to read, his heart picking up speed as he scanned each word:

_Kaidan,_

_Too much to talk about, not enough time. Still want to tell you everything though, so here goes. The days are long but nights are fucking longer. You sort of lose track of it all after a while, which is bad because shit gets_ real _when you lose sight of everything._

_Or after you blow shit up. It’s pretty hard to see through the dust._

_The sun here is scorching so I might bring you once the area is cleared out. You could use a damn tan._

_I… miss you. I really fucking miss you. Whenever things seem shit, I bring myself back to that night before I left. Best night of my life, seriously. I know it was the best night of yours as well :-) Hard to believe that it were only a couple of weeks ago, huh? Time is… funny out here._

_At least I still got it, or so Vega says. Who knows with that kid but I swear if I hear ‘_ huevos rancheros’ _one more time…_

 _So, I’m apparently the last fucking person in the whole of Vancouver to_ actually _taste your pies. Seriously. My whole fucking_ unit _has had at least one! I’m usually on top of these things, Kaidan. I_ know _things. (Being on top of_ you _though… sorry, I just had to.)_

_But the guys thought it was hilarious that I got lost that day. Mind you, my sense of direction is still as good as it was when I was a kid. Fucking Garrus._

_Hey, at least I can say that I get a discount for your pies. Had a few of the guys ask me how I did it, apparently you’re a bit of a tight ass? (Ha.)_

_But it helps to have something to… come home to, I guess.  It keeps me pushing forward and— okay, for some reason morale is high because of me. Me! I’m the worst fucking candidate for it; they’re treating me like I’m their Commander or something._

_Has a nice ring to it though –_ Commander Shepard. _I might get that engraved somewhere, just for prosperity’s sake yeah? Garrus and Ash would have a goddamn field day with that one. Speaking of Garrus_ STOP LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER YOU DICK _alright he’s gone._

_Don’t know when my next letter will be. It’s going to get harder to send this shit through from here on in. I’ll write to you though, the second I get a pen and paper in my hands. Anything’s better than holding a fucking gun._

_I know that you’re waiting for me, Kaidan, and…_

_I hope you’re counting the seconds again; I’ll be testing you when I get back._

_If you’ll have me, of course._

_\- (Commander) John Shepard_

_P.S. IT LOOKS AWESOME._  
 _P.P.S. Alright I’m getting ahead of myself here, sorry._  
 _P.P.P.S. Still miss you… just in case you forgot._

Kaidan wouldn’t put it past Shepard to actually aid troop morale. The man had something _catching_ about him, a personality that would light up even the darkest room. For Kaidan to be part of that reason, however…

He couldn’t stop the smile that crossed his lips once he finished reading. He skimmed through it a few more times, chuckling at the smiley face that was so _unlike_ Shepard, the small phrases which suggested that Shepard was _definitely_ thinking about him, and the horrendous example of flirting throughout the entire thing.

Bring the paper to his mouth, he pressed his lips against the rough surface and _breathed_. There was sand and dust, the underlying musk that was unmistakably _Shepard_ , and it felt as though the man was standing right next to him.

Ashley walked into the kitchen with an empty tray and stopped short once she noticed that large grin on Kaidan’s face. Her eyes were drawn to the letter Kaidan still had pressed against his bottom lip, and she dropped the tray with a shriek.

Kaidan jumped at the sound, before bemoaning the sight of his newly dented tray. “Damn it Williams, I can’t afford to buy new trays every time—“

“Shepard sent you a letter, didn’t he?!”

Kaidan blinked at her, registering the paper he was still smothering against his face. He crossed his arms defiantly, the blood rushing to his cheeks. “So what if he did?”

“Kaidan _please_.” Ashley raced over to him, ignoring the mangled tray on the ground. “He wrote you a fucking _letter_. Do you have any idea just how personal that is?”

“I suppose.” Kaidan ducked his head to hide the growing smile.

“And you know what that means?”

“I’m not sure I want to.”

She rolled her eyes. “Shut up. Anyway, you should send him a care package.”

“Care package?” His mother had sent something of the kind to his father while he was out of duty, Kaidan recalled.

“You know a package full of goodies and all things that quell the homesick-ness? He _must_ be feeling homesick. I mean, he _did_ practically live here for a majority of the time before he was shipped out.” Ashley’s eyes widened comically. “Let’s ask Cortez!”

Kaidan’s stomach dropped. “Why? And do we have to involve more people than strictly necessary?”

“Because Steve sends them to Robert when he’s away as well,” She punched his arm softly. “And Kaidan you probably haven’t realised, but everyone out there?” She jerked her thumb in the direction of the shop front. “They’re _happy_ for you. They _want_ to see you happy, and they’ll help any way they can.”

Ashley placed a hand on his wrist. “You really care about Shepard, and everyone can see that. If there’s one person in this entire galaxy that deserves happiness, Kaidan… it’s you.”

Rubbing the spot where Ashley had punched him, Kaidan took a moment to glance at the letter still in his hands. A mental image of Shepard hunched over the paper with a pen in hand and Garrus at his back, trying to form coherent words without sounding like a fool in love—

Love? No, Shepard couldn’t be in love with him. Could he?

Unless… he already was?

Maybe Kaidan had to read between the lines, or maybe he was overthinking the simple phrases that graced the paper. There was a chance that Kaidan was overthinking. _Definitely_ overthinking. After all, he hadn’t known Shepard for that long. It would be _crazy_ to assume that Shepard was in love with him.

Or that Kaidan loved him back. It couldn’t be possible though. Kaidan was definitely overanalysing the situation.

He and Shepard had… something, Kaidan would admit. Something in the way Kaidan had to hold back the shiver that danced down his spine when Shepard touched his hand. Something in the way that Kaidan wanted to claim Shepard’s gorgeous lips for his own. _Something_ in the way that Kaidan couldn’t stop thinking about him, how he wanted to wake up beside him every morning, bleary eyed and drowsy from sleep, and feel Shepard’s warm body beside him and—

His heart began to race.

_Shit._

“…Boss?”

Kaidan looked up at Ashley, cursing himself for running away with his thoughts. He bit his lip as he met Ashley’s gaze, and she hid a hand behind her mouth.

“I know that look.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Shut the fuck up Kaidan, _I know that look_.” Ashley placed her hands on either of Kaidan’s shoulders,  her cinnamon coated fingers digging into the muscle. “You’re in—“

“Don’t,” Kaidan said quickly. “Don’t say it.”

“But Kaidan—“

“ _Ashley_ , please. I don’t want to think about it.”

She scoffed. “Why the hell not?

“Because I’m here and Shepard _isn’t_ , and if anyone says it out loud then I’m not going to be able to deny it.” Kaidan gave her a soft look. “So please, Ash. Let me live in the illusion that everything I feel for Shepard isn’t what it is.”

Ashley was quiet for a moment, before she squeezed his shoulders and avoided the deformed tray that still sat on the floor. She stopped halfway to the doorway, throwing a smile over her shoulder.

“My lips are sealed, Boss.” Kaidan was about to thank her for being out of character, but he shouldn’t have worried. “You’re still sending him some goodies though!”

She pounced out of the room, throwing a barrage of questions towards Steve, and Kaidan tried to avoid crumpling the letter he was still holding in his hands. Folding it carefully and placing it into his pocket, he did the same thing with the new revelations in his head—

What did his father call it? Oh, _compartmentalise_. There was always time to think about it later.

*

_Shepard_

_By now you’ve probably gone through the care package I’ve sent you, and there are crumbs and chocolate smudges all over this letter. It’s fine though, that’s why I put it together for you._

_Actually, I had help. Namely from Ashley, and a few other regulars here around the bakery. There’s a guy here called Steve Cortez, his husband is out on active duty right now as well. Maybe you know him? He could be in your unit or something. Yeah, I don’t know._

_Anyway, I don’t really know exactly_ what _should be put in a care package. If it were possible then I would have sent myself over as well. That would probably be frowned upon though, and you_ could _get into trouble. Would it be worth it?_

_Yeah, probably._

_So… I whipped up a few things_ from scratch _, no store-bought_ anything _. Like I said, I wasn’t sure what to send to you so Ash wrote down a list and I… pretty much didn’t go to bed that night. I wanted to make everything with my own hands, you know?_

 _Ash_ was _there as well but she… slept. On her counter. I don’t think she remembers exactly what that counter has_ been _through, but ignorance is bliss._

 _And it occurred to me that I didn’t actually know_ what _you like. You love my steak pies, if your little display that day we met is any example, but I can’t really send them to where you are, you know?_

_They’ll get squashed after all._

_There’s just a whole variety of things in there. Banana loaf, rocky road, honeycomb clusters, and cookies? Well, they’re manly and full of chunks so your unit won’t put shit on you._

_Also truffles. Because well, truffles usually means exciting things are going to happen. Unfortunately after I finished rolling them, the only exciting thing that happened was that Ash rolled off the counter and almost cracked her head open so there’s… that._

_Maybe I’m overthinking this too much. Alright. I hope you like all the stuff I’ve sent you. Probably best to share with Garrus too. Don’t say anything to Ash, though. Yeah._

_Shit, I don’t know what to say? How glad I was to get a letter from you? How I could feel the sand wedged in the envelope? It seemed like you weren’t even_ gone _, like you were right next to me, Shepard._

 _Okay, I try to call you_ John _and my head keeps yelling ‘Shepard, Shepard!’, so give me some time with that._

 _I… want to have more time with you. That night before you left… man that was. Definitely something. The only thing is…_ everyone _knows when I’m thinking about it, so I need to learn better control, I think._

_Yeah right. I can’t fucking control myself when I think about you, you know? How the hell do you…_

_You know what? Never mind. I’ll just be repeating myself._

_I hope you’re alright, Shepard. You seemed really, I don’t know, distressed that morning. Can’t say I haven’t been worried, because I_ have _been worried. I really fucking have. But don’t worry about me. I’m still chugging along. Ash suggested we start baking ‘Shepard’ pie. It’s not a bad idea :-)_

 _If you want to vent about everything, you know I’m here right? I want to help, just like you’ve helped me. Don’t ask how, you just_ have _._

_Alright. I should go._

_See? It’s not that fun what others do it to_ you _._

_Take care, Shepard. Still counting the seconds, but I’m keeping them to myself._

_\- Kaidan_

_p.s. Your hoodie is really warm.  
p.p.s Commander? Well, I have a few ideas for that…_

*

_Kaidan_

_I’m just writing to inform you that I’m going to keep you forever. No question._

_That care package was the BEST FUCKING THING I have EVER received. Fuck, do you know how excited I was when I opened it? And I fucking_ knew _it was from you, I just knew it. I opened the box and just that_ smell _, all homemade and happiness and all the best fucking things in the world put into a sturdy cardboard box._

 _Seriously, you have no fucking idea how much that meant to me. I could just picture you slaving away in that kitchen, making sure every goddamn thing was perfect. Kaidan. Just,_ fuck _. You’re really fucking amazing. I need to tell you that more often._

 _I almost_ didn’t _share with Garrus. The fucker’s been pining after Ash ever since we set foot in this godforsaken place. Well, he doesn’t pine so much as twitch his nose back and forth at the thought of her and he’s been thinking about her_ a lot _. I reckon we should try something with them when I get back, yeah? Lock them in the pantry and let fate have its way._

 _God, Kaidan, thank you so much. Everything was amazing. Everything. The cookies, the truffles… Fuck, the truffles. Like sex melting on my tongue and sliding_ _down my throat. How’s_ that _for a metaphor? ;-)_

_Damn, maybe someone should tell Ash to not put her face near her counter? Section that whole part off? Oh, and before I forget, yeah. Robert is in my unit. I ended up giving the rocky road to him; he needs it more than I do._

_And he’s also had a taste of your pies. What the fuck?_

_Hey. You’re not overthinking anything. Man, I’m still blown away. I’ll also try to avoid putting sand in any subsequent letters. It gets into… unfortunate places._

_Kaidan, don’t worry too much about me. I’m fine, really. Things are getting a little intense now and well, I don’t want you to shoulder that weight as well. Everything that happens down here…_ I _have to live with it. Not you. There are some fucked up decisions that need to be sorted through, and I… don’t want you judging me for them._

_It’s getting to that point where I need to make the tough choices, and they’re ones I have to carry alone. It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, Kaidan, but when you’re in the middle of a warzone and ruthless calculus is all that’s left… yeah; I’m leaving it at that._

_I want you to know that I think about you. A lot. Especially when things turn to absolute_ shit _down here. I think about every moment we’ve had, and all the ones we’re_ going _to have._

_Because I’m coming back, Kaidan. Whether you like it or not._

_Which you probably will like it. The nights have been, uh,_ pretty _lonely down here… And hey, call me whatever you like. Just not ‘late for dinner’._

_FUCK YOU GARRUS I’M HILARIOUS_

_Shit, I’ve gotta run. I don’t want to but duty calls, Alenko. Even if I don’t want to answer it._

_Still really fucking miss you. Also, Shepard pie sounds fucking amazing. Wonder why you want to make it?_

_\- Shepard_

_p.s. Oh yeah, and what ideas are those…?  
p.p.s I still say it better._

_*_

_Shepard_

_Well, I’m glad to hear that you enjoyed the care package. Ash said ‘enjoy’ was a goddamn understatement, but I’m pretty sure you were as humble about receiving it as I was sending it. As long as it put a smile on your face and some hope in your heart; I know you’re itching to come home, and believe me, I’m itching for it as well._

_I’m so used to looking at that table in the corner and seeing you there, you know? I’m just… waiting for that day when I don’t look at the corner because I_ know _you’re not there. So, I’ve just been reminding myself to look there._

_Just to keep me feeling human._

_Sorry, it’s been a bad week. Not bakery wise, we’re still going strong here. Ash did an amazing engagement cake and got featured in the local paper and my pies won best in Vancouver. Again. It’s not intentional, promise. No, everything at the bakery is great. Just…_

_My dad called me._

_You remember what I told you about him, right? Yeah, well, he saw Ashley’s feature and rang me immediately. Mind you, it was the mid-afternoon rush and we were just run off our feet, and yeah. My father decided to call me and have a good ol’ fashioned father-to-son conversation._

_God, my problems seem so insignificant compared to what you must be dealing with. But… it really got to me. I mean, sure this shit goes both ways, but_ he _was the one who kicked me out._ He _shouldn’t be expecting me to make amends._

 _He said something along the lines of_  ‘It’s not your fault’, _and_ ‘You’re free to come back whenever you want’. _Hah, guess someone forgot to tell him that I’m a grown ass man now who makes my own decisions. Let me tell you, it was the last fucking thing I needed._

_Sorry, Shepard. It just really got to me. I mean, I’m better now, sitting here writing to you. It’s really soothing, putting the pen to paper and waiting to see what’s left behind. I mean, my words aren’t exactly the most appealing ones in the world, but you seem to enjoy them. Like you enjoy my pies :-)_

_Steve was happy to hear about Robert, by the way. He said your name sounded familiar, but didn’t say anything out of uncertainty. I don’t blame him, though how many marines go by ‘Shepard’?_

_And I agree about that plan with Ash and Garrus. She has a thing for weapons, if chasing after me with a rolling pin is any example. Maybe get Garrus to sketch something all gun-like and whatever. It’s not like you can send that stuff through registered post, you know._

_Alright, listen to me. I’m not going to judge you, John. You’re the last person in the world that I’m going to judge, okay? You didn’t run away when I told you about all the shit I’ve been through, and I’m sure as hell not going to turn you away either._

_I’m here for you, John, and I want to help shoulder this burden you’re carrying._

_I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I’ll tell you this: you’re a good man. The best, even. I know that you’ll make your decisions with good reasoning, you know? Making sure your end does justify the means. I know you, John. I_ know _you’re doing the right thing. You’ve got me. I’ll always be here._

_Always._

_So, try not to worry too much. It’s hard, I know, but you’re good at that shit. I’d definitely promote you to Commander if I was an Admiral, or something. I see myself on the sidelines though, helping when I can but not actually giving the orders._

_God, me? As an Admiral? Feel free to laugh Shepard, I’m unintentionally hilarious._

_Is Garrus laughing too? I bet your whole unit is laughing. I’m just… going to stop._

_I actually do have to stop. Its early morning as I write this, and the oven_ just _finished the next part of your care package. They’re called ‘ANZAC’ biscuits, an Australian cookie of sorts. It’s a little cliché but back during WW1, wives and girlfriends would send these biscuits to their loved ones serving overseas. They don’t spoil because of the lack of eggs and you could keep them for years, if you wanted._

 _So, I guess I’m like an army husband now. I mean. If you want me to be. I mean,_ shit. _I need to stop writing. Fuck._

_Miss you heaps, Shepard. Every day. Stay safe, and I…_

_Take care, ‘Commander’._

_\- Kaidan_

_p.s Well, get your ass back here and I’ll tell you._

_*_

_Kaidan_

_Congrats on the feature and the award! No surprises there, to be honest. Everyone knows how good you are, now_ you _just need to see it._

 _I’ve got to make this quick but I wanted to tell you that your ANZAC biscuits are_ definitely _top contender alongside your steak pies as my favourite things ever. Also, that was… actually really sweet of you. Hell, I wouldn’t mind making you my—_

_Maybe I’ll stop before I write something stupid. I don’t want to send any mixed signals. Not that I have been. Receptions good on my end, yours?_

_Hey, don’t worry about your dad. I like to think that one day, Kaidan, everything is going to be good between the both of you. Today is definitely not that day, but maybe you take after him. He sounds pretty fucking stubborn._

_You’re stubborn too. You’d make a good Major, anyway. Damn, that would_ definitely _put a new twist for ‘on your knees and give me 20’ :-)_

_Kaidan, your words mean everything to me. I’m waiting for that day when I’ll be able to see you again. It’s been too fucking long. Amidst the bullets and minefields, I guess you’re the thing I keep fighting for._

_I’ll admit it, Kaidan. I really care about you. I don’t know whether… Anyway, I do. I want you to know that, just in case…_

_Look, you’re still counting the seconds? Keep counting. They should be coming to an end soon._

_Fingers crossed._

_\- Shepard_

_p.s. Garrus is planning to send something with my next letter. Just a warning._

_*_

As the weeks went by however, the handwritten scrawl that Kaidan had become familiar with began to dwindle.

He didn’t think much of it, at first; Shepard was in the middle of a warzone out in the unknown, so communication was obviously scarce. Still, the letters had slowly begun to get shorter and shorter despite Kaidan’s lengthy replies. He simply wanted to convince Shepard that he was alright, to give the man reason to believe that Kaidan was definitely waiting for him.

_Shepard_

_The bakery is getting busier. It’s getting around that time where people demand extravagant cakes for lacklustre occasions and yeah, it means more work but also more profit. Profits are good, remember that._

_I think Ashley is getting suspicious of Garrus’ attempts at, uhm, wooing her. The bullet shell he sent her? Well, let’s just say she’s a lot more, uh, bouncier than she used to be. (How did you sneak it through?) Hence the peanut brittle with your last care package. I hope he shared with you; I had no nuts for a week._

_…Don’t even think about get snarky with that sentence, you_ know _what I meant._

_It’s another cold Vancouver evening, so I’m sitting here writing this to you. Yeah Shepard, I’m wearing your hoodie. I can tell that you love wearing it too; it’s worn in the right places and… smells like you. Which could sound creepy out of context, but I can just see you smiling at that so… my work is done._

_I… can’t stop thinking about you. I’m not sure I want to anyway. I keep thinking about all the time we had together but you know? Despite how little we had of it, they were the best times I’ve had in a while. I still don’t know what it is about you, John, but…_

_Yeah, I don’t know._

_I’m still counting seconds, like the kid in a playground counting how many red cars drive by. It’s at about 5 356 800 now. Maybe I searched up the exact number but it’s the general thought that counts, right?_

_Alright. Ash is banging on my front door. She’s dragging me to the cinemas tonight. There’s some chick flick she wants to see, but don’t tell her I told you that. Hellcat, remember?_

_So, stay safe, Shepard. I’ve got some fresh pies warming in my oven for when you get back._

_If you want them, of course._

_\- Kaidan_

_p.s. Not the bakery oven._ My _oven._

They weren’t exactly exclusive, but when he thought back to those tense seconds in his bedroom, how Shepard appeared like he wanted to say everything that had been floating around in his mind, dancing on the tip of his tongue, Kaidan _knew_.

He knew that Shepard wanted him to wait, to continue what had started the second the marine stepped foot into the bakery and—

Kaidan was going to wait for Shepard to walk through his front door again, crooked smile on his lips and impossibly blue eyes sparkling. Every single thing he was feeling for Shepard had seemingly heightened in the man’s absence, every rush of warmth to his chest as Kaidan filled his steak pies, every time Ashley quoted Tennyson as they shut up shop in the evening, and every time Kaidan zipped up Shepard’s hoodie over his chest, briefly basking in the underlying warm scent that was undeniably _Shepard_.

There was no question. Kaidan was going to wait.

*

Then the letters stopped.

Kaidan didn’t think too much of it at first. The bakery _was_ getting busier and as he was asleep before his head hit the pillow at night. It was only when Kaidan took a breather one afternoon to sort through the files and bills on his desk, before he realised that Shepard’s words hadn’t passed through for some time.

Blinking, he looked towards a small calendar on the corner of his desk before landing on a red circle drawn on a date from the month previous.

His heart dropped. It had been one month since Shepard had sent his last letter.

 _One month_.

Kaidan tried to convince himself to not be overly concerned, thinking back to his earlier thoughts. Shepard was fighting for his life, and Kaidan was the last thing on his mind out in the hail of bullets and exploding shrapnel. He knew Shepard could look after himself, if any of his previous letters were proof.

When Kaidan thought back to them, messy scrawl on yellowed paper, a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. There were words masquerading as veiled metaphors, paragraphs of classical literature wherever there had been space left over, _plans_ that Shepard had for the two of them once he returned. It was possible that those words were enough to keep Shepard doing his duty, his own light at the end of the tunnel.

A sense of dread descended over him, echoing through his chest and spreading to his fingertips. The road to that light was a dangerous one though, and one month without contact…

No, Kaidan shook his head. Shepard was _not_ lying dead in the middle of ditch out in an unknown desert. Kaidan refused to believe it. If Shepard’s scars were any proof of how resilient the man was, proving his history of _surviving_ against all the odds, then Kaidan believed wholeheartedly that Shepard was still alive and kicking.

He was probably sitting against a barricade right then, waiting to hear how many seconds it had been since he walked out of Kaidan’s front door.  Maybe punching the wind out of Garrus for interrupting his thoughts, and getting a flick to his ear because of it.

Kaidan smiled at the thought and began to head back to the bakery. He paused to rifle through his desk drawer and tuck Shepard’s last letter into his pocket. The paper was crisp in his fingertips, and he scanned the small sentences across the slip of paper:

_Kaidan,_

_It’s getting bad, but I’m still surviving. Garrus too. I’m not going to get into detail but… I don’t know when I can send my next letter._

_Kaidan, if anything happens I want you to know that I—_

_Just, keep counting the seconds. Please. It’ll make me feel human again._

_\- John_

Kaidan frowned at the words for a moment, fingers tracing the ink across the page.

_If anything happens…._

No, Kaidan thought as he tucked the letter into the pocket of his trousers. Nothing was going to happen. Shepard was coming home soon.

Kaidan was sure of it.

*

Taking a deep breath, Ashley tucked a pencil behind her ear, and scrutinised the handwritten list in front of her _._ “Alright, Liara ordered _four_ blueberry strudels for tonight—“

“Why the hell did she order _four_?” Kaidan came out from the pantry, arms loaded with an assortment of items.

“She said that Javik enjoys them.”

“I didn’t think that man was capable of happiness, but why _four_?”

“They probably want to eat it off each other Boss, _I don’t know_.” She caught a pineapple that Kaidan threw towards her and placed it next to the list. “So I’ll take care of those.”

“Thanks, strudels are a pain.”

“I’m glad you care so much about me.” Ashley began rummaging under the counter for a large bowl. “Then Samara ordered a tray of petit fours for Morinth—“

“Morinth’s out of the slammer again?”

“No, she’s out on bail. That’s what you get for giving the goods to an undercover cop.”

Kaidan huffed as he organised the items the he held onto the counter. Flour next to the yeast, next to the tarragon, next to the… His fingers faltered as he placed the small packet of herbs in its place, the rush of memories coming back to him at once, and then the _emptiness_.

It was a small, niggling feeling inside his chest. It was still _there_ and it hadn’t relented ever since Shepard’s last letter. He mentally counted the days, no, _weeks_ in his mind before it rounded up at… two and a half _months_.

Two and a half months.

Six million, seven hundred and forty seven thousand seconds.

That’s how long it had been since Shepard’s last tentative letter, barely half a page long, and his hurried scrawl messier than it was normally. Kaidan reached a hand into his pocket, fingers brushing against the worn paper inside, the words etched into his memory.

Kaidan quickly withdrew his hand from his pocket, desperate to get some sense of normality back. He turned away from Ashley puttering about with a few punnets of blueberries, a stick of butter peeking out from the pocket at the front of her apron, and began to sift the flour.

He felt at ease scattering a handful of colourful herbs against the mound of flour as Ashley continued talking in the background, oblivious to Kaidan’s internal distress.

“Then Miranda ordered a _gluten free_ cherry red velvet cake with no-fat cream cheese frosting for her and Oriana’s birthday. I didn’t even know she had a sister. Huh.”

“No wonder she’s so tiny.”

“Right? Oh, and Gabby wants to make changes to her wedding cake _again_.”

Kaidan perked up slightly, still not trusting himself to face her completely. “I finished piping the design on it last night, though.”

“Yeah, well, she wants an overhaul now Boss. Not sure how the fuck Kenneth puts up with her but she _doesn’t_ want anything fancy anymore—“

“You’re kidding me.” Kaidan clenched his fist against the counter.

“No, she wants something simple but elegant? God, _hang on_.” The sound of papers being rustled and then, “Uh, shredded coconut on a fondant outer layer and…”

Ashley fell silent, and Kaidan looked at her. She was staring blankly at the paper, and when she met Kaidan’s eyes, they were full of apprehension.

“…Hummingbird filling.”

A few things rushed to the forefront of his mind; Rahna, long hair and kind eyes, a picture of a hummingbird stuck on her school folder, fingers brushing as Kaidan handed over a cupcake made painstakingly by him, her wind-chime laugh, a dark sidewalk and a torn hummingbird against the gutter—

The bowl full of flour and herbs clattered to the flour, coating the tiles in a fine layer of white powder. Kaidan stared blankly at the mess for a moment, before realising that _he_ was the one who sent it flying.

Ashley stared at him with wide eyes, shock on her face.

“Kaidan, what the _hell?”_

“I don’t do hummingbird cake, Ashley.” Kaidan growled. “It’s basically store policy.”

“I know that, but Gabby wants _you_ to do it. She refuses to go anywhere else.”

“And since she refuses to go elsewhere, she should fucking _know_ that I don’t do hummingbird cake.”

Ashley stepped tentatively over the flour, her face sceptic. “I don’t really think you have a say here, Kaidan, because she’s _paying_ you. It’s her wedding; she can do whatever the fuck she wants.”

“Yeah well,” He briskly retrieved a broom from the pantry and began to sweep the mess. “ _I’m_ the one who has to start all over again, so she doesn’t give a fuck how out loop this puts me.”

“No,” Ashley said softly. “That’s not it.”

He glared at her. “Don’t.”

“What? Say that the reason you don’t want to make the fucking cake is because of _Rahna_?”

Kaidan stilled on the broom handle and Ashley made a small sound, shaking her head in disbelief. “Kaidan, you _need_ to let this go.”

“I have.”

“No,” She insisted. “You _haven’t_ and you never fucking will.”

“I let it go a long time ago, Ash—“

“Bullshit, you just lost your shit over the _mention_ of hummingbird cake. If that’s not a metaphor for ‘still not over it’, then I don’t know what is.”

“ _Ashley—_ “

“Don’t _Ashley_ me, Kaidan.” She raised a finger to silence him. “This is serious so _let me finish_. You’ve been acting like a fucking _dick_ for the past two and a half months, and your reasoning is so transparent that even a blind guy can see it.”

“I’ve been acting like myself—”

“ _Let me speak_.” Kaidan fell silent. “Kaidan, I _know_. I know it’s been _that long_ since Shepard sent his last letter, and it’s driving you crazy. I can see it, I’m not stupid.”

At the mention of Shepard, Kaidan’s heart picked up speed again. _God_ , he’d been worried sick. It was normal to feel that way, even if their communication hadn’t been that skewed in the first place, but two and a half _months_? It was putting Kaidan on edge, and if Ashley was willing to call him out on it then he should attempt to put everything back in its place.

_Mise en place._

“Ash—“

“Kaidan, I’m here. You can talk to me about this, you know.” Her voice was soft, understanding.

Kaidan shook his head. “You don’t understand.”

“What do you mean?” Ashley scoffed, stepping closer to Kaidan over the flour. He could count the freckles scattered across her neck. “Kaidan, I _do_ understand.”

“No. You don’t.”

“Fine, then _make_ me fucking understand.”

Kaidan turned away from her, shoulders hunched, and began to sweep the floor once again. There was silence for a moment, the sound of the bristles scratching against the tiles, and Ashley’s gentle breathing behind him. A few seconds passed, and the sound of a pencil slamming against the counter brought him back to reality.

“Fuck you.”  Ashley said.

Kaidan spun around to see Ashley’s distraught expression. His heart dropped onto the flour coated floor.

“Ash—”

She shook her head, fury in her delicate features. “No. _No_ , you don’t get to call me that right now.”

Kaidan allowed the broom to drop to the ground and stepped over the mess to her, only to feel shock when she pushed him away.

“You think… you’ve got it _so damn hard_ , don’t you?”

Kaidan stayed silent. Ashley went on, refusing to meet Kaidan’s eye.

“Just because your boyfriend hasn’t contacted you in two and half months. _Two and a half months_. God,” She chuckled wetly. “It really stands out in comparison to _me_ , huh?”

“Ashley, I—“

“Because _two and a half months_ is so much more than, oh, _fifteen years_?”

He went to put a hand on her shoulder but Ashley jerked away from him, tears flowing freely down her face.

“When my dad went on tour, two and a half months was _nothing_ to me, Kaidan. I was fucking used to it by the time I was six years old.” She slammed a fist down onto the counter. “How fucking terrible is that? For a six year old girl to be _used_ to her father just up and disappearing for months at a time?”

Ashley sighed. “I always baked cupcakes for him when he was due back from service, you know?” Kaidan did. “I knew that he was home when the plate was empty the next morning.”

She splayed her fist onto the counter; slender fingers marked by smudges of flour and little knife nicks. “Do you know what it was like Kaidan, to wake up one morning to see that plate of cupcakes still full?”

Kaidan crowded her from behind to wrap his arms around her. Ashley was still for a moment but then quickly wiggled out of his grasp and walked towards the front of the shop. She stopped at the door, resting a trembling hand on the delicate wood, and turned around.

“You have,” Ashley said slowly, “no fucking right to say that I don’t understand, because out of the both of us? I think I understand the _most_.”

With that, she headed out into the shop front and the sound of the bell chiming followed her out of the shop. Kaidan sunk to the ground with the weight of Ashley’s words heavy on his shoulders, and Shepard’s crumpled words in his pocket adding to the void in his chest.

The flour coated his dark trousers. He desperately wished it were a clean slate.

*

Ashley returned in the middle of the afternoon rush.

Kaidan was running around, serving each customer with quick efficiency and a friendly, if strained, smile. His eyes snapped to the sound of the bell chiming through the store and before he knew it, Ashley was behind the counter retying her apron behind her back. She avoided his eyes, and jerked her head towards the kitchen.

He swallowed, hanging over a paper bag with a warm pie inside. “I took care of the strudels.”

“Okay.” Ashley said shortly.

“Do you mind taking care of _this_ while I—“

“Just go.”

Kaidan didn’t ask twice, whirling back into the kitchen to get back to work on the hummingbird wedding cake. Ashley peered briefly after him, almost surprised at the scent of pineapple and cinnamon wafting around the bakery, before turning back to the line of customers.

He took a moment to breathe, to control the hammering of his heart. Kaidan was willing to take any punishment from Ashley, he _had_ been acting like a complete ass for the past few months. Not in an obvious way, more in the way that he was losing control, and control was important to Kaidan.

Control was something that made him feel human, helped smooth over the cracks that threatened to show. It was something that kept him as detached from reality as he could be, detached from the fact that he felt so alone despite the number of people around him, despite the fact that _Shepard_ —

Kaidan snapped out of his thoughts, the void inside of him growing wider with each second. His thoughts were a dangerous place to reside when he was feeling as he was, and Kaidan wasn’t going to fall into that trap.

Not again.

With practised ease, Kaidan began icing the cake. His palette knife worked in familiar motions, the brilliance of the frosting hiding the not-as aesthetically pleasing cake beneath it. The scent of cinnamon was drowned out by the sweetness of the vanilla frosting, and he was thankful that the memories were held at bay.

Kaidan finished icing the cake, wiping his hands down on his apron, and eyed the shredded coconut sitting innocently in a bowl close by with distaste. The bell at the front of the bakery sounded throughout the entire shop, and the hustle and bustle at the front of the shop quietened down suddenly.

He didn’t notice however, intent on finishing up the cake as quickly as possible. Grabbing a handful of the coconut, the small flakes of the fruit falling out of his palm, and began to coat the various layers of the cake. The problem with working with shredded coconut was the _mess_ , the fiddling around that made a lot of his fellow chefs outright _ban_ it from their premises.

(Like Harper. Fucking Harper.)

Kaidan wasn’t that kind of person. He wished he could be, though.

He was patting down the second cake layer when Ashley burst into the kitchen, breathing heavily and a large smile on her face. Kaidan raised an eyebrow but stayed focused on his work.

“Kaidan, you _need_ to come out here. _Right now_.”

“Ashley,” He said with an exasperated sigh. “I need to finish this cake.”

She took a step closer, squirming on the spot. “The cake can _fucking_ wait Kaidan. You _need_ to—“

“I don’t need to do anything, Ash.” Kaidan’s patience was waning. “We both have work to do, so we should _do it_.”

Ashley frowned as Kaidan turned away from her, before she came up behind him to whack him across the head. Hard. Kaidan almost dropped the cake in shock, instead dropping a handful of coconut.

“What the—“

“You get your fucking ass out there _right now_ , Kaidan Alenko, or so _help me God—“_

“Christ, fine!” Kaidan placed the cake down onto the counter, pushing past Ashley without apology. “This better be worth it.”

“Oh,” She said happily. “It is.”

Kaidan reached the shop front, and noticed _then_ that everything had fallen quiet. Among the small crowd, Joker was standing with a shocked EDI across the counter, holding onto his hat as though there was a large gust of wind inside the store.

He frowned. “What the hell is going on?”

Joker started, meeting Kaidan’s eyes. A smile formed on his face, and he pointed towards the corner of the shop front. “Take a look for yourself, Alenko.”

Following Joker’s finger, Kaidan looked towards the corner of the shop.

Kaidan saw the cane first, a familiar hand gripping it for support, before he noticed the _dress blues_. Hard pressed and crisp against a familiar body, with a row of medals glinting in the weak Vancouver afternoon sunlight from the drawn window. He managed to bring himself past the stripes on the shoulders, the sharp jawline, that wonderful crooked smile. those impossibly blue eyes—

Kaidan breathed out softly.

 _Shepard_.

No...

John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh, ashley and kaidan's fight was painful to write. they're such bro's! i was apologising through the whole thing, all GUYS I'M SORRY BUT IT'S FOR PLOT DEVELOPMENT OKAY and alas, no smut this time around folks (ty for all the encouraging feedback though! it means a lot), but don't worry! jo's taken mighty good care of that in the next chapter ;) only one chapter and an epilogue to go, people! can't believe it's almost over! hope you enjoy it - francine xx


	9. Care Package Cinnamon Chip Cupcakes

_One hour earlier—_  

Shepard leaned heavily on the bus railing as he stepped on board.  He held out his fare, but the driver took one look at his dress blues, his row of medals, and his goddamned cane, and shook her head. 

“No sir, you ride for free.  My way of saying thank you.” 

“But I – ” 

She smiled at him warmly.  “I won’t accept your fare, sir.  Have a seat.” 

He tugged at the brim of his cap uncomfortably.  “Thank you.” 

“Thank _you_.” 

As he limped to a seat at the back of the bus, a few of the other passengers nodded to him, or thanked him, or held out their hands to shake his.  He didn’t want the attention.  It was too much, like he was _old_ , or _disabled_ , or – fuck.  He _was_ disabled.  He was broken, and he was angry, and as he slid into his seat his mind suddenly went back _there_ , to the place he tried so hard to keep locked away – 

_– his stupid body responding too slowly, the roadside bomb going off so suddenly – so much more suddenly than they’d ever expect or had ever been warned about, throwing their entire convoy over on its side.  Shepard had been lucky, only getting his leg crushed.  A few men had been killed in the initial blast._

_James and Garrus had jumped out, along with a handful of others, to scout the area in case there were any militiamen; Robert had remained with Shepard and the other injured men, doing some quick field-medic work to stem the bleeding on all of them.  Shepard had somehow stayed conscious, and done what he did best – talked.  He’d just known he had to, stuck under that convoy with Robert’s hands bloody on his leg and some of the other men missing whole limbs, gashes through their torsos… so he’d opened his mouth and started going._  

Sitting on the bus in Vancouver, he hardly remembered what he’d said.  But they told him after that he’d probably saved a few lives, kept people from going into shock as Robert tended to their wounds and radioed for help.  They gave him a medal. 

He just wanted his leg back. 

They’d told him at the hospital that he’d shattered the bones of his knee, torn some muscles, he didn’t remember all the jargon, but the general gist was – with physical therapy, years of it, he might be able to walk without a cane.  Might.  And for now, he had to limp around like an invalid.

He shuddered, and glanced out the window to see how much further he had to go.  Only a few more stops.  He tried to force himself to think of happier things, and his hand closed around Kaidan’s last letter to him, crumpled from so much rereading and stuffed in his pocket like a good luck charm. 

Shepard smirked to himself, a little ruefully.  _Good luck charm_.  Well, that or _bad_ luck charm – he had been carrying it _that_ day. 

Kaidan’s letters had gotten him through so much.  He’d sent the first one almost out of desperation, hoping that Kaidan could read between the lines and understand everything that he’d wanted to say that morning, before he left.  And he’d barely expected a response.  Hoped for one, of course, but expected?  After the way he’d just run out on the man, without even saying goodbye? 

Kaidan had deserved better than that. 

But Kaidan had answered his letter, and sent him baked goods on top of everything.  The smell when he’d opened the box had been nothing short of miraculous, a godsend amidst dust and death and hopelessness.

He very quickly became one of the most popular guys in the unit, doling out cookies and brittle and peppermint bark – but always keeping something tucked away for himself.  He always knew that Kaidan sent one thing just for him. 

The first care package, he knew as soon as he saw the truffles, they were _his_ and nobody else’s.  There were some tiny cupcakes the next time, studded with cinnamon chips, and when he popped one into his mouth the delicious tang of beer told him right away that his hunch had been right.  The third time, a small loaf of bread was wrapped up carefully and nestled next to the other treats.  Tasting that brought back memories, and he wanted to curl up with the loaf in his bunk and not leave until he’d finished it, all comforting warmth and longing. 

He’d gotten some shit from the guys at first, especially the older ones, and _especially_ Zaeed. 

_“Wossat, Shepard?  You get something from your wifey?”_

_Nobody quite knew where Zaeed came from.  His accent sounded vaguely British, but he was in the Canadian army.  There were rumors of him being an ex-special forces officer in the UK, sent in when nobody else could get the job done, but he wouldn’t cop to anything._

_“For the last time, Zaeed –”_

_The grizzled older man had just laughed in that two-packs-a-day rough voice.  “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, kid.  I know he’s your man, you’re standing by him and all that.  ‘S sweet.”_

_Someone else had yelled across the compound.  “You have anyone waiting for you, old man?”_

_Zaeed laughed again, and brandished his assault rifle menacingly.  “Jessie’d have my head.”  Then he turned back to Shepard and held out his hand.  “What about those cookies now, hey?”_

_A quick intake of breath had sounded behind Shepard, and he turned to see Mordin behind him with a mischievous smile on his face._

_“Must share with rest of us, Shepard.  Terrible for morale otherwise.”  The tall, scrawny man leaned in close, and winked.  “Very serious problem.”_

_Mordin was a crack-wizard with explosives, and could shoot a gun with the best of them.  Yet somehow, even after years in the military, he still hadn’t bulked up.  Shepard had seen more than one tough guy at a bar try to pick a fight with him – but they never saw him coming.  Shepard had been proud to call the guy his friend._

_He was one of the ones killed in the bombing.  He’d gone with James and Garrus to scout the area before paramedics got there.  They’d run into resistance, and someone had thrown a grenade too close, not enough time to get to cover, not enough cover to get to even with time._

_Mordin had thrown himself on it, shielding everyone else from the blast._

_James had been red-eyed when they came back, and it wasn’t from the dust storm kicking up around them._  

Shepard tried to shake off the memory, the sick feeling in his stomach that definitely wasn’t coming from the bus bumping along Vancouver’s streets.  He had felt impossibly guilty after that, because his first thought after the shock had worn off was – what if it had been me?  What would Kaidan have done? 

It very nearly _had_ been him, after all, and it made him feel queasy and simultaneously horribly selfish to think about leaving Kaidan behind. 

He’d found out shortly after getting out of surgery for his leg that he’d be shipped home.  Honorably discharged.  Given a medal or two for his actions. 

But there was nothing heroic about talking. 

Would Kaidan even want him, now?  With his fucked-up leg, these worthless pieces of metal pinned to his chest.  All he ever knew how to do was fight, kill.  Medals couldn’t bring that back.  He was useless now, washed-up damaged goods. 

Shepard thunked his head against the window and clenched his jaw, breathing hard through his nose to try and unwind the sudden choking tightness in his chest. 

He considered getting off the bus at the next stop, waiting for one going the opposite direction and heading back – where?  Where would he go?  He didn’t have an apartment.  He could probably talk his way into staying on the military base for a few days while he found one, but he didn’t want to face them again.  A few of the men, Garrus, James, Robert, they were okay, they understood, but everyone else just looked at him like he was either fragile or some kind of savior.  It made his skin crawl. 

He debated for too long.  The bus driver announced the next stop and it was his, too soon, well before he was ready for it, but he pulled himself to his feet and limped to the bus’s exit. 

His cane was thumping on the floor of the bus, and it felt like everyone was staring at him as he lowered himself carefully to the ground, holding white-knuckled to the railing until he’d gotten his footing.  When he let go, the bus doors closed and the bus sped away and he was left without a mooring, standing on the streets of Vancouver. 

It had been months since Shepard had walked this route, but he’d traced it in his mind more nights than he could count.  He allowed himself to go on autopilot as he made his way – slowly, more slowly than he’d ever walked it before – to the bakery.

He looked down at his dress blues, suddenly feeling constricted in them.  Why had he thought this was a good idea?  It had seemed like one earlier, a gesture to… what, honor?  Like that mattered, now. 

God, was this whole _thing_ even a good idea?  He hadn’t written to Kaidan in months.  Hadn’t had time, and then hadn’t had energy, lying in a hospital bed recovering and feeling too sorry for himself.  What if Kaidan thought he didn’t care?  What if Kaidan had forgotten about him? 

What if Kaidan had moved on? 

The hand holding his cane had started to shake a little.  He took a deep breath, and pushed on; either way, he needed to see the baker.  If Kaidan hadn’t moved on, it was what he needed to do for obvious reasons.  If he had… well, hopefully it would hurt enough that Shepard himself would be able to move on just a little faster. 

The bakery was crowded when he got there, and he saw a flash of pink behind the counter.  His heart thudded painfully fast in his chest. 

He was _nervous_.  Fuck, what was he, a high-schooler with a crush? 

He slid behind a group of people to stand by his usual table and wait for the crowd to thin out.  A few people – he recognized some of their faces, regulars, still coming after all this time – turned to look at him, and that was when it got weird. 

A pretty freckled woman’s eyes widened when she saw him, and she smacked the arm of the man she was with, a tall, dark-skinned, surly-looking fellow.  He turned and looked at Shepard as well, and raised an eyebrow, something akin to a smile playing at his lips.  Then the woman poked a heavily-tattooed girl in front of her, who turned with a snarl, but looked where the first woman was gesturing.  She saw Shepard, and a mischievous grin suddenly appeared on her face.

The chain reaction was fast.  The tattooed woman punched the shoulder of a well-built man in a postal worker’s uniform, and he tapped the shoulder of a guy sitting at the counter, and suddenly the whole shop was dead quiet and staring at Shepard.  Ash’s voice floated out to him. 

“Okay, losers, what can I get for –” 

The crowd parted as if he was Moses himself, and before he knew it Shepard had a direct line of sight to Ashley, standing behind the counter, her hair up in a messy bun, apron thrown over her pink top.  She froze, her mouth hanging open indelicately as their eyes met.  Then she clapped her hands over her mouth, stifling a squeal, and darted into the back. 

Her voice carried out into the still-silent storefront. 

“Kaidan –”  Shepard’s breath caught in his throat.  He was back there.  Kaidan was back there.  “—you _need_ to come out here.  _Right now_.” 

He couldn’t make out Kaidan’s response, but he could hear the deep rumble of the man’s voice.  _Oh, God, this is actually happening_. 

“The cake can _fucking_ wait, Kaidan.  You _need_ to –” 

Another response from Kaidan, interrupting Ash’s attempts.  Did he know?  Was he avoiding Shepard?  He considered sitting down, but decided against it, in case he needed to make a quick escape. 

There was the sound of a _whack_ , and then Ashley’s voice rose.  “You get your _fucking_ ass out there _right now_ , Kaidan Alenko, or so _help me God_ —” 

And then a shadow fell across the doorway, Kaidan’s voice closer and audible, saying “This had better be worth it,” and Ash said something else but Shepard didn’t hear because Kaidan was _right there_ , ducking through the open door to the back, white t-shirt just like always, strong arms – maybe even a little more muscle than he’d had all those months ago, _you been working out, Kaidan?_ – wiping his flour-dusted hands off on his apron and then reaching up on a reflex to run fingers through his hair. 

He looked up, noticing the quiet, still crowd first. 

“What the hell is going on?” 

The guy at the counter pointed in his direction.  “Take a look for yourself, Alenko.” 

And then his eyes landed on Shepard.  They focused on his cane first, and then took in the dress blues and his medals, and then slowly traveled up, as if he was anxious about what he would find ( _or maybe that was just Shepard_ ). 

Kaidan met his eyes and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.  His mind was racing, trying to place the emotion on Kaidan’s face – shock?  Disappointment?  Nervousness?  Annoyance?  How was he supposed to react?  What did one do in these situations?  He felt frozen, and like an idiot, and this wasn’t going at _all_ how he’d hoped, maybe he should just cut his losses and leave – 

Then Kaidan vaulted over the counter.  Actually, literally braced one hand on the counter and jumped clear over it, like he was a damn track star, and crossed the room in three quick strides and before Shepard could react, before Shepard had even registered what was happening Kaidan was kissing him, and oh, fuck, he had missed this, his mouth opening under Kaidan’s like it had been days instead of months, cane clattering forgotten to the ground as one hand slid up to Kaidan’s neck, the other circling his waist.

It was perfect.  They broke apart, reluctantly, to applause and cheers (and catcalls from a few people), resting their foreheads together, infectious grins on their faces. 

“I missed you,” Kaidan whispered, and he knew it was just for him to hear.  He nodded, throat suddenly closing up. 

“I missed you too.  So – so fucking much.” 

“I know.” 

Kaidan leaned forward and kissed him again, slower, pulling him close, flush against each other and _this_ was nice too, fuck, he needed – wanted – so much, everything, and he wanted to give everything too, and he didn’t know how to put that into words so he tried to put it into his kiss and his body pressing against Kaidan’s and his fingers sliding up Kaidan’s neck to trail through his hair.  He felt the baker shudder against him, just a tiny little tremor, and he moaned softly into their kiss, feeling Kaidan’s hands tighten their hold on him in response. 

“Get a _room_!” 

Shepard wasn’t sure who spoke but he cracked an eye open in time to see Kaidan flip off the store in general, and he laughed, and Kaidan laughed too, and fuck, _everything_ was perfect, everything was okay and he’d been a damn idiot to think it wouldn’t be. 

Ash was leaning over the counter, still grinning.  “Kaidan, take off the rest of the day.” 

He glanced at her in surprise.  “What?” 

“You heard me.  Get Shepard upstairs and fuck him silly.” 

“ _What?_ ”

She snorted and waved a hand.  “We’re all friends here, and since you were about to throw him on the table and fuck him anyway, the least you could do is spare us all needing some eye bleach.” 

“I see you haven’t changed much, Ash,” Shepard commented, grinning at her. 

She mock-saluted him.  “Welcome back, Shep!  Now get the hell out of my store.”  She winked at him.  “I’m pretty sure Kaidan really _kneads_ you right now, ha, get it, _kneads_?”  Her hands moved in a rough approximation of kneading the air. 

Shepard raised an eyebrow and exchanged a _look_ with Kaidan, who had obviously chosen to ignore the pun. 

Instead, he cleared his throat.  “ _Our_ store, and it’ll be just _my_ store if you don’t watch yourself.” 

“Oh, you’re all talk.  But seriously, if you don’t carry him out of here to ravish him upstairs within thirty seconds, I will throw the both of you out with my own two hands.” 

Just then, Garrus burst through the doors, slightly out of breath.  He took one look at Kaidan and Shepard and grinned smugly, crossing his arms and leaning back against the doorframe in an attempt at nonchalance. 

“Oh, good,” he said. 

Ash rolled her eyes, and Kaidan leaned forward to kiss Shepard again.  Everything was right in the world. 

Kaidan bent down and picked up Shepard’s cane from where it had fallen and handed it to Shepard, but before he could take a step, Kaidan had scooped him up, bridal-style, to laughter and more cheers from the small group in the shop.  Shepard couldn’t even find it in him to pretend to struggle. 

“Ashley Williams, you are officially in charge for the afternoon.  I have to give this man a _proper_ welcome.” 

She laughed and made shooing motions with her hands, and Garrus held open the door as Kaidan waltzed through.  He turned to call over his shoulder – “If you dent any more trays, they’re coming out of your paycheck!” – and then carried Shepard around the corner to his door. 

“I _can_ walk, you know.” 

Kaidan looked at him, eyes soft, and gently lowered his feet to the ground. 

“I know.  I just –” He nuzzled his nose against Shepard’s.  “I hope I didn’t embarrass you.  I just really… I just don’t ever want to let you go again.” 

Shepard cupped Kaidan’s face in one hand.  “If I have anything to say about it, you never will.” 

Kaidan opened the door and they made their way up to Kaidan’s apartment, and somehow it didn’t even feel like Shepard was holding them up, or like Kaidan had to go slower because of him, clunking around on his cane.  When the door to the apartment shut behind him, Kaidan leaned against it, smiling a little sheepishly. 

“I’m more nervous now than I was the, uh… the first time we did this.” 

Shepard shifted from one foot to the other.  It felt important that they talk about – well, _them_ , where they were going from here, what they were even doing.  He opened his mouth, then closed it, and then tried again. 

“Um.  Not that I don’t want to – because believe me, I have been thinking about this moment for months – but, Kaidan.  I think we should – talk?  About us, I mean, about where we – this –” he gestured vaguely – “is going, and, um, where we want it to be going.” 

Kaidan reached out and snagged his belt, tugging him close. 

“I don’t know where _this_ is going.  But I know that wherever _you_ go?  That’s where I want to be.”  He paused for a moment, and then, with a small smile: “ _John_.” 

John.  Nobody had called him John since… since the last time he’d been here. 

He pushed his face into Kaidan’s neck.  “I would really like that.”  His words were muffled against skin, but from the way Kaidan hugged him, he was fairly sure he’d been understood. 

“I – I need you to know something,” Kaidan said, nudging him back a little bit so their eyes could meet.  “You’re the most important person in my life, Shepard.  You’ve _changed_ my life, you changed it from the moment you walked into my bakery, and I don’t ever want it to change back.” 

Shepard couldn’t help but kiss him, needing to feel his warm mouth again, and then pulling back to meet those beautiful honey eyes. 

“I could say the same thing about you.  I… used to be just an ex-gang member, an ex-druggie, just good for shooting and killing.  You made me – hell, you _still_ make me want to be a better person.  I want to be everything I can for you.  For – for as long as you’ll let me.” 

“That’s gonna be a really long time.” 

“Good.” 

Then Kaidan’s lips were on his again, walking him backwards into the bedroom, pushing him down onto the bed and following, fingers working their way down the buttons on Shepard’s jacket until he could push it down his arms and throw it to the side.  Shepard closed his eyes, letting his head fall back onto the pillow as Kaidan tugged his undershirt up, kissing a trail from his stomach up his torso, tonguing along the ridges of his abs and circling his nipples.  He bit down gently, and Shepard gasped, back arching and fingers clutching the bedsheets – 

Hang on.  The material in his left hand felt… different.  He opened his eyes and looked down, seeing a mass of black tangled with the white sheets.  When he tugged, the material came free.  There was a zipper, and pockets, and… 

“My hoodie.” 

Kaidan looked up, and immediately hid his face in Shepard’s stomach again. 

“Um.” 

“Did you… have you been sleeping with it?” 

“It still smells like you,” Kaidan said into his stomach. 

Shepard brought it to his face and buried his nose in the fabric.  He supposed it did, but more than that, now it smelled like… like Kaidan.  And like both of them, mixed together.  He smiled into the material. 

“You can keep it.” 

“Oh, good, so I don’t have to fight you for it.” 

Shepard was about to make a witty retort, but then Kaidan’s tongue dipped into his bellybutton, and he gasped and shuddered and his words died in his throat. 

“Oh, f— _fuck_ , Kaidan – ” 

The urgency was mostly gone, now, but the want was there, the need, and Kaidan wasted no time in undoing Shepard’s trousers, pulling them down over his legs and tugging off his shoes and socks as he went.  Shepard pulled off his undershirt, and grabbed Kaidan’s arms, hauling him up the bed and fumbling with his belt, pushing at clothes until they were down to their boxers. 

He looked up at Kaidan, smiling down at him with that lopsided grin, eyes warm, hair already mussed. 

“We’ve been here before.” 

Kaidan laughed quietly.  “We have.  It was… pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself.” 

Shepard pulled him down for another kiss, their hips pressing together, cocks rubbing against each other through a few thin layers of clothing.  His hips rocked up, and he groaned at the hard friction, closing his eyes and trying to find a rhythm against Kaidan. 

“John, tell me what you need.”  Kaidan’s lips were hot against his ear, kissing, biting it, and he turned his head into the pillow to muffle his whimpers. 

“I need you, I need you to – _nngh_ , fuck me – ” 

The heat of Kaidan’s mouth disappeared from his ear and he blinked in confusion until he felt it suddenly somewhere _else_ , hot and wet around his cock and he gasped for breath as Kaidan took him deep, swirled his tongue around Shepard’s length and lowered his head until his nose pushed against the dark curls at the base and Shepard could feel himself brushing the back of Kaidan’s throat. 

His hands slid through Kaidan’s hair, hips gently rocking up into the soft suction of his mouth, whimpering desperately with every pass of Kaidan’s tongue. 

With a tiny scrape of his teeth that left Shepard shivering, Kaidan pulled off and reached over him.  The small bottle of lube was in the same place, in the bedside table drawer.  Shepard lifted his hips and slid his boxers the rest of the way down, watching as Kaidan kicked off his own, and then he was back between Shepard’s legs, lube in his palm, holding both of them in his hand and pumping hard, thrusting against Shepard, eyes closing and head falling back.  Shepard leaned up to nip at his neck and he groaned and it vibrated, low and hot, traveling between them through his hand on their cocks. 

“Please, Kaidan, _please_ – ” 

“ _Fuck_ yes – ” 

He kept one hand on Shepard, stroking erratically, and pushed into him with his other index finger, then two fingers, three, encouraging him to spread his legs, never taking his eyes off Shepard’s face.

When he replaced his fingers with his slicked cock, Shepard’s hands on his waist and his neck, their foreheads pressing together, breathing each other’s air, it was the most perfect sense of completion Shepard had ever felt. 

 _This_ was right.  This was _home_ , Kaidan buried inside him, both of them gasping for breath as he started to move.  Feeling his thrusts get faster, hips snapping against Shepard’s ass, arms hooked under his legs and Kaidan driving into him _so_ deep.  It was perfect, every moment of it, even as he knew it would be over too soon because he _couldn’t_ , Kaidan hitting _that_ spot inside him and bringing one hand down to jerk him off, Shepard’s cries getting higher-pitched and his eyes squeezing shut until his world blanked out and the blood pounding in his ears drowned out the sound of his own breathing – 

– he dimly heard Kaidan’s hoarse, long, loud moan, opened his eyes in time to see Kaidan’s face contorted, brows furrowed, mouth open in agony and pleasure until he collapsed on top of Shepard, heedless of the mess on his stomach, peppering his face with exhausted kisses as they slowly came back to themselves. 

Kaidan rolled off him, using a corner of the bedsheet to wipe them clean, and scooted up against Shepard again, wrapping his arms around the soldier’s chest. 

“Stay here tonight.” 

Shepard laughed, and tried unsuccessfully to cover it with a cough.  “I, um.  I don’t actually have anywhere else to go?” 

Kaidan propped himself up on an elbow.  “You what?” 

“I… I just got back.  I can stay on the base for a few days but… I don’t have an apartment in the city.” 

Kaidan rolled his eyes, but he was grinning.  “Well, I think I can stand you staying here for a bit.” 

“I’ll start looking for other places tomorrow – ” 

“Don’t worry about it.”  The baker leaned down and kissed his nose.  It was… oddly domestic, and Shepard loved it. 

 _Loved_ … hm.  There was that word again. 

He curled closer into Kaidan’s chest.  “I… you mean a lot to me.” 

Kaidan’s arms tightened around him.  “You mean a lot to me, too.”  He paused, and then – “Um.  Is your leg… okay?  After…?” 

“Yes, thank god.  If I couldn’t do _this_ with you?  I’d be a very, very unhappy man.” 

“You and me both.” 

Their voices were getting drowsier as they murmured to each other, soft words that got increasingly nonsensical the closer to sleep they drifted. 

Shepard’s last waking thought that night was how different they were, tangled in each other this way, the impossibly different paths they’d taken to get to where they were.  _Gunpowder and cinnamon_ , he mused abstractly, fine powders that by all rights shouldn’t go together so well.  But once they’d fallen together, they were inseparable, grains of themselves mixing until you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. 

Yes, that sounded right.  _Gunpowder and cinnamon._   He liked that. 

He _loved_ that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you GUYS this is my last chapter and that makes me so sad :((( i hope you all enjoyed it and remember you still have an AMAZING chapter/epilogue to look forward to tomorrow!!
> 
> i'm gonna do my little goodbye here - it was so much fun to write this with francine and it's been even more amazing (if that's even possible) to see the feedback from all of you, here and on tumblr. thank you every single one of you for reading, commenting, kudosing, bookmarking... i mean, seriously, wow. you're all so wonderful and you've made us - or, well, me, i don't want to speak for francine too much here :3 - so ridiculously happy. so THANK YOU again, i just feel like i can never say that enough!!!
> 
> so much love from the absolute bottom of my heart,  
> jo


	10. Epilogue: Ashley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Kaidan plan out Ashley's happy ending, even though she doesn't want one. At first. _Normally she wouldn’t complain over the little things, because little things were just that: _little_. The problem with little things was that they grew into _bigger_ things before they towered over her head precariously like a Jenga tower balancing on its final block. She hated Jenga, come to think of it. All that effort just for the tower to come crashing down? It was a metaphor for her life._

Ashley Williams had a problem.

Actually she had a whole bunch of problems, which included but were not limited to; her baby sister dating a total _sleazebag_ , finding out that her mother ordered a tray of sweet-buns from _another_ bakery, _still_ being reminded about those damn pink curtains, losing that goddamn bet to _Joker_ of all fucking people, and getting her best-friend together with the macho-military dude (that last problem was now, thankfully, checked off the list).

(Seriously though, Mom had ordered the sweet-buns from _Harper’s._ Out of all fucking places, _Jack Harper’s_ piss-poor excuse of a bakery. No one had even _seen_ the owner in the decade it had been open, and Mom _knew_ that Kaidan’s little bakery was in high competition with them for their decorative cakes and—)

Such was the life of a pastry chef who hailed from a big family and had an affinity for classical literature. Normally she wouldn’t complain over the little things, because little things were just that: _little_. The problem with little things was that they grew into _bigger_ things before they towered over her head precariously like a Jenga tower balancing on its final block.

She hated Jenga, come to think of it. All that effort just for the tower to come crashing down? It was a metaphor for her life.

Regardless of all her petty little problems, Ashley Williams had a _big_ problem and that problem was in the form of one, Garrus Vakarian.

Normally she wouldn’t give a damn about the suave individual that was fully intent on making her life more difficult than it was. Not that Ashley thought Garrus was _suave_ , except that was all the man alluded whenever he stepped foot into the bakery.

He was all... smug, with his slick blonde hair and bright blue eyes. That collection of scarring that trailed up his neck and finished neatly on his left cheek. A smile that was like a cat who had finished feasting on a juicy mouse, and it _shouldn’t be attractive_.

God, it wasn’t attractive. _Garrus_ wasn’t attractive, no way. It’s not like Ashley could even judge his features properly, because he always kept twitching his nose back and forth whenever she looked straight at him and it was annoying.

_“You have to admit though,” Kaidan said as he kneaded the sticky dough, muscles straining beneath his ridiculously tight shirt. “The guy has some killer cheekbones.”_

_“Never would have thought cheekbones would be a turn-on for you, Kaidan.” She remarked._

_“Yeah, and I never thought a military man would be on my to-do list but... there you go.”_

Ashley didn’t need to know any details of Kaidan’s sex-life because she had _heard_ enough of it the day that Shepard had returned. The roof was honestly too thin for that sort of thing and while Ashley was happy for Kaidan to be all loosey-goosey about himself and his personal life, _God_ , some things just _didn’t_ need to be heard. Ever.

(She was still meant to be _angry_ at Kaidan, for crying out loud. It was impossible to stay angry at the asshole, though. He did this thing where he slumped his shoulders and spluttered through his words and— yeah, impossible.)

Granted, there was that one time that she and _Kaidan_ ended up getting ridiculously drunk and decided to fuck for the sake of it. Maybe try the whole friends-with-benefits side of things, because they could totally do that. Except it didn’t really work out, and Ashley had _definitely_ had better when it came to that sort of thing. Kaidan had admitted the same thing, albeit sheepishly, so there were no bruised egos in the aftermath of _that_ event.

So it was a thing that had happened and they never spoke of it again. Ever. Seriously, _don’t talk about it_.

But hearing those muffled little moans and groans, and knowing that the little _mewl_ belonged to Kaidan, well, Ashley ended up herding the usual suspects out of the shop, flipping the sign to ‘CLOSED’, and not really caring that they all ventured to Harper’s for their baked-goods fix.

Seriously, _all of them_. Liara and Javik bolted out without a second thought because blueberry strudels were a thing they needed _right then_ , Jack on the heels of EDI and Joker, and—

Fucking _traitors_.

Ashley went to slump against the shop door, stuff her fingers in her ears, and wait out the rest of the afternoon reciting Tennyson in her head, but then there was a throaty chuckle from the counter and her heart stopped in her chest.

 _Speaking_ of Garrus Vakarian, the suave bastard was still in _her_ shop, hip resting against the glass display and an amused twitch in his cheek. Ashley glared at him as she pulled her apron over her head. Oh, he was loving every _second_ of this, wasn’t he? That man probably got off on seeing her suffer.

Shouldn’t _he_ be uncomfortable about all of this as well? His best friend was getting his brains fucked out by _her_ best friend right above them. Irony was delicious, but how come the whole scenario wasn’t affecting him at all?

“So,” Garrus asked nonchalantly, “who do you think is on top?”

Okay so _maybe_ it was, just not in the way Ashley was thinking.

Ashley made a face because _you have got to be fucking kidding me_. Besides, it was _totally_ Kaidan. “That little detail going to keep you up at night, Vakarian?”

“No, no.” Garrus smirked, lips curling into that feline-grin, “it’s going to keep _them_ up tonight though. I’m surprised Alenko was able to walk after the last time.”

Oh for fucks _sake_. Ashley managed a scoff as stalked past him, hopping over the counter easily, and turning to face him again. “Has anyone ever told you, Garrus, that you’re a scoundrel?"

Garrus leaned against the counter, the light from the ceiling casting small shadows along his face and _wow_ he did have really nice cheekbones. Ashley focused on his eyes though, because she was acting like an alpha-male undressing the female with his eyes. Which she wasn’t. An alpha-male, that is.

No, she was the freaking _Omega_ of everything. (If Aria heard Ashley say that out loud though, there would _probably_ be one less Williams in Vancouver.)

“Well Ash,” Garrus said softly, closer than he’d been to her before, “you need more scoundrels in your life.”

Ashley blinked. Did— did he just quote Star Wars at her? Did she actually _know_ that he just quoted Star Wars at her? She groaned internally, _fucking Kaidan_ , before staring him down. Garrus did that thing where he twitched his nose back and forth slightly.

She held a finger up. “Do _not_ quote that nerdy shit around me. _Ever_.” Two fingers. “ I swear to _God_ if you make fun of Kaidan after this whole thing is over, I will chisel your cheekbones off.” Three fingers. “Do _not_ call me _Ash_."

Garrus chuckled softly, and that sound did _not_ make Ashley’s heart skip a beat. No way. “You’ve been admiring my cheekbones, Ash?”

Ashley couldn’t control the rush of blood to her face. She imagined that she was the same colour as her shirt right then. _Oh yeah Williams_ , she thought, _pink is such a strong colour in situations like these_. When things headed in a direction such as these, though, when her mouth ran ahead of her thoughts; she had to improvise.

“Garrus, those suckers could knock someone out.” She smirked to betray her errant thought process. “I’m surprised that you can even see over them.”

Ashley thought she imagined something like disappointment flashing in Garrus’ bright eyes, but it was gone before she could question it. He sighed, tapping his fingers against the counter for a moment, and pulled away completely. “Adonis has nothing on me, Williams.”

Back to _Williams_ , Ashley noticed. Tried not to notice. God, that was so unlike her. Why was she acting like a lovestruck teenager? She was anything _but_ that. Ashley Williams was a strong, independent woman, who could bake a mean tray of petit’ fours and roll three dozen croissants in time for the morning rush.

Why the _hell_ was Garrus Vakarian, the one man who she couldn’t stand to be alone with for more than five minutes of her time, making her feel like—

Like—

 _Shit_ , she didn’t even know but it still felt... _good_. Like that time Kaidan opened up a crumpled letter from Shepard and a bullet shell had rolled out from beneath the paper, a bullet shell for _her_. It didn’t even occur to her that Garrus had sent it until Kaidan told her otherwise, and _wow_ , to have someone think about her like that?

Well, it was nice.

Ashley stuck a hand into her pocket, fumbling with the bullet shell she still kept carrying around. It was warm from her body heat, smooth around the edges with it’s delicate point that could pierce through someone’s chest in nanoseconds. A little like Garrus himself, really.

“Garrus...”

Garrus’ eyes widened, unaccustomed to hearing his first name pass her lips, obviously. Ashley smiled at him softly, because she wasn’t a _total_ bitch. Only part-time.

“I just wanted to thank you for this.” She pulled the shell out of her pocket and held it up between them. Garrus frowned at it for a moment, before realisation crossed his face. He gaped a little and met her eyes again quickly.

“You... kept it?”

Ashley nodded. “I carry it with me everywhere. Sort of a, uh, good luck charm. It’s stupid—”

“No, no!” Garrus shook his head quickly. “It’s kind of sweet, actually. I forgot I even sent that to you.”

Ashley raised an eyebrow at him, and Garrus sighed. “Okay, that’s a lie.”

In that moment, Ashley decided to forego everything that remained constant about herself. She wasn’t a rash person by any means, never one to stumble through her phrases and make herself seem a fool to everyone around her. When she was in a moment like that, however, Ashley would happily throw caution to the wind to see where the journey would take her.

Ashley braced herself, quickly leaning over the counter and pressing a soft kiss on Garrus’ cheek, just beneath the bone. Her lashes dusted his skin softly and she could feel his nose pressing into her own cheek. It... actually felt nice, not like the fires of hell she had expected.

She pulled away, and almost laughed at the bewildered look on Garrus’ face. “Not what you were expecting, Vakarian?”

Garrus swallowed, unconsciously pressing his fingers to his cheek. “Not exactly, no.”

Then it was all Ashley could do _but_ laugh, ignoring the moaning and thumping and the _God_ -knows-what that was happening above them, before forcing Garrus into the corner table and setting down a warm pie in front of him.

His smile carried her through the rest of the afternoon.

*

“Garrus Vakarian,” Ashley declared loudly, “is a goddamn _asshole_.”

Shepard laughed from his perch on the counter beside Kaidan, who was rolling out a lump of puff-pastry. Kaidan even managed a huff from his strenuous actions to roll the pastry into some semblance of a square-rectangle thing. Ashley didn’t pass pastry-school based on her knowledge of terms and phrases. That’s what Kaidan was there for, after all.

The ex-soldier tapped his cane against Kaidan’s thigh, who bumped him with his shoulder. “What _asshole_ thing did Garrus do this time, Ash?”

“Aside from existing, you mean?” Ashley hissed. “Just the fact that the fucker is ignoring _my_ existence now!"

Of course, Shepard simply chuckled in true-Shepard fashion. Ashley wanted nothing more than to throw the tray of macaron shells at his stupid, smug face. Then Kaidan would do that thing where he would freak-out and frown over his boyfriends pretty face, and possibly abandon years of friendship because _that’s a shit thing to do, Ash_.

Then again, Ashley had a habit of overreacting about these things. So she placed the tray down gently onto the counter and whirled around to face Shepard, who sat innocently on the counter, hoodie falling around his shoulders and that crooked smirk on his face.

“You’re his best friend, Shep,” Ashley said sweetly, trying to control the rise of anger in her chest, “care to explain why the _fuck_ he’s acting this way?”

Shepard shrugged, though the smirk didn’t leave his face. “Couldn’t say Ash, he hasn’t mentioned why he feels like being an asshole lately.”

“I take it back,” Ashley muttered, “ _you’re_ being an asshole.”

Kaidan looked over his shoulder and yep, Eyebrow Frown of Doom #12: _Don’t Call My Boyfriend An Asshole, Ashley_. She crossed her arms attempting to frown back, but the thing about Kaidan was that he was pretty fucking persistent about those kind of things. Ashley knew that she was fighting a losing battle so she opted for the typical female response of sighing sadly and slumping down onto the ground.

It worked, because Kaidan looked worried for a moment as he abandoned the puff pastry and Shepard tapping his cane against his leg to rush over by her side and wrap an arm around her shoulders. She snuggled into the crook of his neck, giving a crestfallen Shepard an evil grin.

 _Oh yeah buddy,_ she thought, _Kaidan was mine first. In_ all _of_ _the ways._

“Come on Ash,” Kaidan murmured softly against her dark hair, “this isn’t like you.”

She frowned. “What do you mean by that?"

“Isn’t it obvious?” Shepard said as he hobbled across the kitchen to them, tapping his cane against her foot. The guy had something with tapping his cane against things. Must be a war-hero thing, a friendly reminder that _yes I almost died serving my country and you better do well to remember that whippersnapper_. “You’re not exactly the kind of person to pine over a man, especially Garrus.”

“That’s because Garrus isn’t a man. He isn’t even human.”

Shepard rolled his eyes. “That guy knows how to use his mouth, Ash. He’s _definitely_ human.”

Kaidan blinked up at Shepard. “How do you know—”

“Uh, New Years Eve... two years ago? Long story.”

“Damn,” Kaidan smirked, “well guess what you’re telling me tonight.”

“Oh, I’ll be _showing_ you—"

Ashley rolled away from Kaidan in a sort of cramped-up commando roll, and faced the love-sick puppies across from her. “First, there’s a time and place for that shit guys. Second, I’m _not_ pining—”

Shepard and Kaidan gave her a Look which said that they didn’t obviously believe her. The bullet shell Ashley still kept in her pocket seemed heavier than before, and it hit her in that moment that they were _right_. She was pining.

Ashley Williams was _pining_ after Garrus Vakarian.

Holy shit.

“I think she just realised that she likes Garrus.” Kaidan said to Shepard, nudging Shepard’s cane with a foot.

“It’s about damn time, the sexual tension between them is off the _charts_.” Shepard said to Kaidan, tapping his cane against Kaidan’s foot.

Ashley came to a stunning conclusion as she was lying down on that tiled floor, the bullet shell still whispering through her fingertips.

She really fucking hated Shepard and Kaidan.

  
*

Then of _course_ Shepard and Kaidan had to repay her for all of the effort she took in bringing the both of them together.

Ashley knew that it would come back to bite her in the ass one day, and if there’s one thing she hated more than Shepard and Kaidan, it was _things_ biting her _ass_. Ashley worked out for the mere reason that she wanted her ass to be as firm as Kaidan’s buns, _not_ for men to have a good-old taste test for that sort of thing. The constant squats, lunges, and thigh-presses she did alongside her sisters each night wasn’t exactly to get sweaty.

Not that she didn’t _like_ getting sweaty, but not in _that_ way anyway.

Lately, she’d had to improvise with the both of them because they were _up_ to something. Ashley could see the way they bent their heads to whisper secrets to each other as she walked by. God, she wasn’t _stupid_. Ashley had been more careful with her words, more cautious of her actions, and she’d chosen to be sickeningly sweet to the couple in hopes they would drop their plans believing that she _wasn’t_ pining over Vakarian.

Even though she _was_ , but still.

It all came to a head on a Tuesday one week after those revelations reared their ugly heads. Ashley was feeling a little spunky when she woke up that morning, Tennyson still fresh from her nightly reading and _wow_ , her hair was behaving as she tucked it into its normal bun. Hell, she ended up choosing her super-special pink shirt that had a plethora of teal and jade sequins sewn into the pattern of a peacock.

(It was her favourite shirt of everything _ever_ , because Kaidan had picked it up for her a few years back when the bakery was struggling through a particularly quiet Vancouver summer, and Ashley was feeling down-in-the-dumps about it.

Damn, but they were adorable best friends.)

Then she took back all those warm-and-fuzzy feelings when she arrived at the bakery that morning, to see none other than Garrus and his military dude-bro James Vega chatting amicably in the corner table, no cares in the world.

(Oh, but did she _hate_ the fact that Kaidan was her best friend.)

Ashley hurried past them without even a greeting, ignoring the comments about her shirt, and entered the kitchen to see— _oh, for the love of God_ —Kaidan and Shepard, making out like teenagers against _her_ counter. That was the thing about being the instigator of their beautiful relationship; the bastards had _no_ sense of decency.

So she picked up a nearby rolling pin and threw it at them.

Of course Shepard, with all of his military training and reflexes, broke away from Kaidan and caught the flying object immediately with a smug grin. Kaidan still appeared dazed from their clinch, and all Ashley wanted to do was step on his toes and lock him in the freezer for the rest of the day.

 _Without_ Shepard.

Shepard tapped his cane, _again with the tapping_ , against the floor. “You can’t beat a marine, Williams. Crippled or not.”

“I can kick your ass from here to _Jupiter_ , soldier.” Ashley hissed as she threw her bag down onto the counter in a fit of rage. She could feel Kaidan’s eyes on her back, and she sighed.

Maybe she was overreacting about this whole thing. Maybe Kaidan and Shepard _didn’t_ plan out this whole thing out. Maybe Garrus had decided to show up and scoff down baked goods because after all, she would do exactly the same thing if he was in her shoes.

Ashley blinked down at her closed-in Mary Janes. What would Garrus look like— the _hell_ did that come from, Williams?

“She has that look on her face, again.” Kaidan said to Shepard, resting his chin on Shepard’s shoulder.

“The one where she’s thinking about Garrus? Yeah, pretty much.” Shepard said to Kaidan, resting his head against Kaidan’s.

“Oh for _fuck’s sake_ ,” Ashley scoffed, “the both of you planned this, didn’t you?”

They didn’t even try to deny it. Ashley buried her head in her hands, fingers digging in her hair, and managed to keep her exasperated sobbing to a bare minimum. She was acting like a damn _teenager_ , and she never even acted like this when she was a teenager either.

“As a matter of fact,” Kaidan pressed a kiss to Shepard’s shoulder before walking up to Ashley, pulling one of her hands away from her face to link their fingers together. “We _did_ plan this because I _know_ you. I don’t want to see you freak out over something as stupid as this—”

“I am _not_ freaking out!”

“—because you’re my best friend, Ash. It’s your turn to be happy now, it’s only fair. If it’s not with Garrus then we can work on it, okay?”

Ashley wondered for a moment why her life couldn’t be simple. Mainly because she didn’t fall in love with her best friend, have a really dramatic movie-style confession in the pouring rain, and allow him to sweep her off her feet and ravish her against the nearest brick wall.

Except it wasn’t anything she ever really thought about because God _,_ it was _Kaidan_. She drew dicks on the back of his white shirts because she loved to watch the horror dawn on his face once he realised her evil deeds.

Sure, they _did_ do the ravishing side of things but it was _awkward_ and _they’re not talking about it,_ and as it turned out, Kaidan had eyes for the damaged soldier who made sex noises over his pies.

Go figure.

Shepard limped next to them, slinging an arm around Ashley’s shoulder. “If it helps, Garrus _has_ had a bit of a crush on you for awhile. He’s always been awkward with his affection.”

“You must have taken a few cues from him then.” Ashley remarked, squeezing Kaidan’s hand softly.

“Yeah, well—” Shepard began to splutter but then Kaidan rested a hand on the crook of his neck, his thumb tracing the pulse, and Ashley had to look away because _damn_ intimate.

“Ash,” Kaidan began, “stop acting like this, okay? Get out there and grab him by the _balls_ , damn it.”

Shepard choked out a laugh. “He’d probably enjoy it. No, he’d _definitely_ enjoy it.”

“Speaking from experience, Shep?” Ashley suggested, and laughed when Shepard wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

She sighed, before looking between the two men. It was an awkward position, what with the hands everywhere and an extra limb in the form of Shepard’s cane but it was comfortable, and it was a position she wouldn’t mind staying in for a little while longer.

Except she couldn’t, because now? Ashley Williams was on a mission, and that mission was to erase Garrus Vakarian off her list of problems. _Permanently_.

*

Okay, Ashley decided, maybe she could resume the mission tomorrow. Or the next day. Maybe the day after tomorrow. Hell, just slap a _critical mission failure_ on her report because there was _no_ way she was going to be able to go through with it in that moment. Or ever.

“Calm down.” Kaidan tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, fingers lingering on her neck. “You’re freaking out.”

“I’mnotfreakingout.” Ashley said quickly, grabbing onto Kaidan’s wrist tightly.

“She’s freaking out.” Shepard confirmed, shaking his head in a disapproving manner.

Ashley took a deep breath, allowing Kaidan to painstakingly pry her fingers from his wrist, and played around with the bullet shell in her pocket. She could do this. She was a _Williams_ , after all. A Williams had to be better than the best, and with a fine example of the best damn relationship in the galaxy standing before her, well, she _definitely_ had to prove that fact.

Shepard frowned at her for a moment before reaching behind her head and tugging her bun free. Ashley felt her hair fall around her shoulders, and wow, what a relief. Then Kaidan placed a hand on his hip, frowning at Shepard.

“What?” Shepard argued. “He likes it when her hair is down.”

“She doesn’t have to change who she is for him, Shepard.” Kaidan lectured, eyeing the hair tie in Shepard’s fingers.

“Whatever,” Shepard scoffed, dangling the small pink band in front of Kaidan’s nose, “you’re just worried about health regulations.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are."

“I’m _not_.” Kaidan stressed “Besides, I wasn’t worried about the regs that night you decided to take me against—”

“Oh my _God_.”  Ashley walked out of the kitchen with her hands in the air, completely _done_ with their innuendos and _them_.

Then she stopped short at the sight of James and Garrus still talking away in their little corner, and _God_ , why couldn’t she go for brains-for-arms James Vega? He made some _mean_ rancheros, and a man who could cook should have instantly won Ashley’s heart. Plus, Pops would have loved him. That was always a plus.

But _no_. Ashley had to fall for the man who sent her a bullet as proof of his affections. Affections that he held for her for awhile yet.

That was the funny thing about love, though. Even though it couldn’t happen at first sight, she could fall into it so quickly that it seemed like that was the case. Except that Ashley wasn’t in love with Garrus, far from it. Just infatuated. Yes, infatuated.

She’ll go with that.

Except...

Garrus wasn’t even _looking_ at her and it was pissing Ashley off. Was it really that hard to face someone after all this time? Was it easy enough to write off their existence to nothing? Ashley doubted Shepard’s words for a moment, because _bullshit_ that Garrus had feelings for her! It wasn’t like she was anything special anyway. What could he possibly see in... in _her_?

 _Damn it Ash,_ she thought, _you’re pretty fucking amazing so go and grab him by the balls. Figuratively._

In true Ashley fashion, she did just that.

Ashley snagged a Danish from the display, wrapped it in its crinkly paper bag, before heading over to the small table and slamming it down in front of Vakarian. He jumped in his seat, his hand almost reaching for a gun that wasn’t there, and James stared up at Ashley in shock, eyes resting on her spangly shirt.

“Huh, nice shirt Ash!” James commented with a smirk.

She nodded firmly in thanks, uncaring of James’ opinion about her damn shirt, and glared at Garrus. “So is there something on my face, Vakarian?”

Garrus blinked. “Uh, well, not really—”

“Huh,” Ashley said, “well, that’s pretty funny. You want to know _why_ it’s funny?”

Garrus didn’t grace that with an answer, and Ashley ignored the rising chuckle coming from James. “Hell hath no fury, Scars.”

Ashley continued. “I’ll tell you why it’s funny, Vakarian. It’s funny because whenever somebody avoids eye-contact, or even another person's existence, it’s usually because they’ve done something wrong.”

“Oh, really?” Garrus said in a small voice.

“Yeah!” Ashley nodded enthusiastically, clenching her hand into the paper bag. “But for the life of me, I can’t figure out if you’ve done anything wrong lately. Obviously Vakarian, that means _I’ve_ done something wrong.”

“Oh boy.” James backed away from the table. “ _Hasta luego_ buddy, it’s been an honour.”

Garrus watched after James with distress in his eyes before meeting Ashley’s gaze again, and rubbing the back of his neck out of nerves. She put all of her power into the death glare she was giving him at that moment, and she could see the tremble in the marine’s shoulders.

Oh yes, she thought, it was good to be in the dominating position.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Ash.” He said softly.

Ashley’s hair fell into her eyes as she moved in closer, reminding her why she always wore it back, and all it seemed to do was make Garrus sit further back into his chair. “Then why the _hell_ won’t you look me in the eye—”

“Because you _have_ nice eyes, damn it!” Garrus blurted out, before he slammed a hand down onto the Danish. The paper bag crinkled in despair under his palm, and the pastry filling exploded against the paper.

Oh.

She felt as though all the wind had been knocked out of her because 1) Garrus just said that she had nice eyes, 2) Garrus had _just_ said that she had nice eyes, and 3) Garrus thought her eyes were nice? Ashley bit her lip to hold back her smile, levelling Garrus with those nice-eyes of hers, and kneeled down slightly so she was at _his_ eye level.

Ashley had nice eyes? Puh- _lease_. Vakarian was the winner in that competition. Ashley loved poetry, and all of its stumbling phrases, but she never had the knack to put her own words into flowery prose. If she was to write anything about Garrus’ eyes however, it would probably be something along the lines of _wow they’re so bright_ and _okay they’re really nice_ and _huh they’re just nice_.

Exhibit A: Ashley’s terrible poetry regarding Garrus’ eyes.

Still, it didn’t stop her from placing a hand over the one that had beaten the life out of her specialty pear-Danish, wrapping her slender fingers around his _long_ ones.

Damn, imagine the kind of reach he could get of _those._

“You know,” Ashley smiled, “I kind of think your eyes are nice as well.”

Garrus did a double-take at the hand covering his own before looking back at Ashley with his wide, bright eyes. Yep, definitely nice. “What just happened?”

Ashley chuckled, tracing a thumb over his hand. “I admitted my feelings for you, asshole.”

“Oh.” Garrus said dumbly.

“Yep.” Ashley’s heart began to race because maybe she was acting like a fool. Maybe her rash, _except not_ , personality was finally catching up with her, _God_ , she was an idiot.

Except Garrus proved her wrong, and he gave Ashley that feline-smile of his. “Not exactly the way I was hoping it would play out... but I’ll take it.”

James cheered from behind them, and Ashley looked over her shoulder to see Kaidan and Shepard also peering out from the kitchen, large grins on their faces. Well, if Kaidan and Shepard wanted to watch, then she could _definitely_ give them a show.

Although, it seemed that Garrus had the same idea because when Ashley turned back to face him after he tugged the hem of her shirt, his long fingers carding through her hair to hold the back of her head—

Well, there was another problem on Ashley’s never-ending list of problems; she didn’t know what it was like to kiss a soldier.

(Until that moment, anyway. Spoiler alert: it was _great_.)

*

“It’s about time.” Shepard commented, heaving himself up onto the counter.

Kaidan let out a breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “About _freaking_ time.”

They looked at each for a moment before breaking out into laughter. Kaidan stopped short just to _look_ at Shepard, at the lines of his face and the scars littering his neck, the tiny smudge of ganache on the corner of his mouth, _sneaky_ , and it was hard to think that he had almost _lost_ this wonderful thing sitting before him.

He knew that it was more than a fling, all those crumpled letters and smudged paragraphs that were sitting in his desk upstairs was proof enough. This was everything to him. _Shepard_ was everything to him. More than what the bakery had done, more than anything Kaidan had ever been sure of in his life.

After all this time, it felt _right_.

Kaidan pressed himself against the counter, hands gripping Shepard’s waist and carefully slipping between Shepard’s legs with ease. Shepard smiled down at him, slinking his arms around Kaidan’s neck and leaning in a little closer.

“Hey.” Shepard said softly, his breath tickling the skin of Kaidan’s cheek.

Kaidan nuzzled his nose against Shepard’s cheek affectionately. “Hey there.”

They stayed like that for awhile and Kaidan pressed their foreheads together, as though to bridge that small distance between them. He didn’t want any more distance. He wanted to stay heavy in Shepard’s arms, for as long as forever would be.

So—

“I love you.” Kaidan said softly,

A few moments slipped away, dust motes filling the space between them. Shepard kissed the corner of his mouth softly, his lips pulling into that familiar crooked grin that Kaidan had come to _love_ so dearly, before he said, “No matter _what_ happens, know that I love you. Always.”

Kaidan grinned. “Always.”

Then Shepard kissed him, soft and slow, and Kaidan was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG A/N BECAUSE I CAN'T SHUT UP
> 
> Did I just recycle dialogue from in-game for the last section? Yes, I did! You want to know why? Let me tell you!
> 
> When Jo and I started writing this story, in between all of the fangirling and the frustration, one thing was made clear: Shepard and Kaidan were going to have their happy ending. Of course it was going to be a hell of journey to get there but they _deserve_ a happy ending after all the shit they went through. I hope it wasn't too silly, guys, I just wanted more fluff. Can't say no to more fluff, right? :P
> 
> SO ONTO THANKS AND JOY! I want to thank each and every one of you wonderful readers for liking, commenting, bookmark-ing, and just being amazing in general about this story (especially on tumblr SHIT YOU GUYSSSSS). I want to thank my beloved bff's Alex (who pushed me into writing this damn thing), Rosey (for being awesome and talking dicks with me), and Amy (for reading through all of this fic despite knowing nothing about Mass Effect). Also, a big THANK YOU to [papardelle](http://papardelle.tumblr.com) for doing art because HOLY SHIT OUR STORY HAS ART!
> 
> And you guys, I want to thank my beloved co-author, Jo. Without her, half the stuff in this fic wouldn't have happened and without her, this fic wouldn't have even been written. Hard to believe that two months ago we were just two strangers discussing a fic idea between our OTP, and now we are SOUL-TWINS and our fic idea is actually a thing and it's up here and posted and _fuck_ , Jo is honestly the greatest person in my life and I'm so thankful to have her. I'm a very lucky person to have had the opportunity to write this with her, and who knows? Maybe something else will come up in the future :) 
> 
> (I LOVE YOU JO. *curls around her* Mine, she's MINE.)
> 
> So... that's it. That's the bakery AU. Ugh, I'm a little teary now but... thank you so, so much. Every comment and like means the world to me, just like this story does. Now, allow me to bask in the shenanigans that Shepard and Kaidan get into post-epilogue. Also, I hope Ashley/Garrus is a thing now. Otherwise, I'll make it a thing :3 (because idk, I might get bored one day and write little drabbles for this universe YOU DON'T MIND DO YOU JO I JUST HAVE _IDEAS_?)
> 
> Much love, joy, and sparkles  
> Francine xx

**Author's Note:**

> Jo and I are proud to present: THE BAKERY AU! Because every fandom needs one, right? 
> 
> This was actually the brainchild of myself thinking that 'oh, Shep and Kaidan need something happy and warm' and Jo simply SWOOPING in all 'I completely agree let's write it', and the rest is history. The best part about collaborating with her was all the ideas being thrown back and forth, and we agreed on EVERYTHING which was awesome in its own right. Also because I've made a lifelong friend out of this whole endeavour and I want to keep her forever.
> 
> Quick tidbits: Jo wrote all of Shepard's chapters, and I, Francine, wrote all of Kaidan's chapters. Mind you, Jo's chapters are absolutely _phenomenal_ and I often sat there for a moment after reading them all, 'hhhhhhhhhh' so if that's any indication as to how great this AU will be, then you're all in luck. There will also be SMUT. Delicious smut. We're all going to agree that Jo is the Queen of Smut. Yes, good.
> 
> So everyone, here is the Shepard&Kaidan bakery AU! We all hope that you love reading it, as much as we loved writing it :) - Francine (januarys)
> 
> *
> 
> Jo here, just chiming in to say that Francine's chapters are _perfect_ okay, and it was such an absolute delight to get to collaborate with her on this project.
> 
> She said most of the important stuff so I'm not going to blather on too much, except to say the plan at this point is to post a chapter a day, so we can keep you in a *little* suspense ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!  
> Much love - Jo (PetitAvocat)


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